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40Quotes from ‘Christmas Party’

The Office: Christmas Party

210. Christmas Party

Aired December 6, 2005

Michael disrupts the office Secret Santa when he is the only one to break the spending limit.

Quote from Jim

Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa, and I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else? This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

Quote from Creed

Creed: That's from me.
Jim: Great. Where did you get it?
Creed: I don't know. It was so long ago.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: He obviously forgot to get me something, and then he went into his closet and dug out this little number and then threw it in a bag.
[to camera:]
Creed: Yep. That's exactly what happened.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael keeps bragging about his iPod, but you know what? Two paint ball lessons with someone as experienced as I am is worth easily, like, 2 grand.
[at a shooting range:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Take that, Saddam.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't.

Quote from Michael Scott

Kevin: Why did you get it so big?
Michael Scott: A, that's what she said, and, B, I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.
Kevin: But what are we gonna do with this hacked-off part?
Michael Scott: Well, that is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin, and we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, pimp. [laughs] I'm kidding. What do we got? What do we got? How many plates are we getting?
Angela: Fifty.
Michael Scott: Double it. Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: It was a tough year. I had to fire somebody this year. This party has to really rock. Check it out. Christmas bonus, 3,000 Gs. I got this for helping save the company money. So I guess some good came out of firing Devon after all. Maybe I should call him and tell him that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I want people to cut loose. I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lamp shades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to know and spread the word that I will have my digital camera. And I'll be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. Incentive.
Pam: You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party.
Michael Scott: Yeah. I know. Damn it. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.

Quote from Toby

Toby: I got Angela. She is into these posters of babies dressed as adults. I got her one of those. I felt kind of weird buying that.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: I got Creed. And to tell you the truth, I don't know anything about Creed. I know his name's Creed. I know he works right over there. I think he's Irish and I I got him this shamrock keychain.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So Phyllis is basically saying, "Hey, Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth." I gave Ryan an iPod.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I got it. We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap.
Jim: What is Yankee Swap?
Michael Scott: One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal someone else's gift or choose a new gift.
Jim: I thought that was called Nasty Christmas.
Pam: Yeah, we call it White Elephant.
Michael Scott: Well, I call it fun!

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now.
Pam: I'll take the iPod.
Ryan: And I have to give it to her? I don't have a choice?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. Now, you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt or the shower radio or pick a new gift.
[Ryan opens a new gift, which is a personalized name plate for Kelly]
Stanley: That was meant for Kelly.
Ryan: Yeah, I figured.

Quote from Angela

Kelly: Yikes.
Toby: Well, it's for Angela, so-
Kelly: That's, like, the creepiest thing that I've ever seen.
Dwight K. Schrute: Angela, you're up.
Angela: I'll take the poster. Some people like these.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I hope nobody takes this baby, 'cause this is great. Wow, look at that fine craftsmanship. Somebody really put a lot of work into that. It's beautiful.
Meredith: I'll take the oven mitt.
Michael Scott: Sucker! See, I wanted somebody to take it. Boom! Reverse psychology.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you make someone think the opposite of what you believe and that tricks them into doing something stupid.
Works like a charm.

Quote from Kevin

Michael Scott: Last gift, Kevin.
Kevin: I want the foot bath.
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: That's the thing I bought myself. I'm really psyched to use it. Maybe I should have taken the iPod. Oh, shoot.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets... Christmas.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for these people, and they freak out. Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: I bought this teapot for Pam, and I know she really wants it. So, can I trade you for it?
Dwight K. Schrute: No trades.
Jim: Come on. It's a shamrock keychain. Good luck.
Dwight K. Schrute: "A real man makes his own luck." Billy Zane, Titanic.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Look it has sentimental value, Dwight. Can I buy it from you?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. I want it. I'm going to use it.
Jim: You don't even drink tea.
Dwight K. Schrute: True. But I get sinus infections, and sinus infections can be cured by making your tea from green tea leaf stems and pouring it directly into your nose, like so.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: To think that my gift to Pam will be used for that, it's a little too much to handle.

Quote from Pam

Jim: You know, you don't have to answer calls during a party. Just thought you should know.
Pam: No, I was just checking out my present.
Jim: But-
Pam: I traded with Dwight. Um. Just, I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and it means a lot. And also, Roy got me an iPod or was going to get me an iPod, so-
Jim: Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside.
Pam: Oh, my God! The yearbook picture. [to camera:] Yeah, I think I made the right choice. [present:] Oh, my God! It's incredible. Is this the bottle timer?
Jim: I didn't think you were gonna get that one. I really didn't.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Push!
Michael Scott: No, no, turn it around.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really shove it.
Michael Scott: You'll break it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Shove it through! Break it!
Michael Scott: You shove it. Shove it back! Here we go. Don't break the branches, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: I got a splinter.
Michael Scott: Well, suck it up. We all have problems. Hey, everybody, look what we have! [laughs] Nice, huh?
Dwight K. Schrute: I've got it leveraged. Push. Straight up.
Michael Scott: On three. Ready? Big, one, two, three.
Dwight K. Schrute: One, two, three.
[The tree breaks a ceiling tile]
Michael Scott: Merry Christmas!

Quote from Angela

Angela: Is there anything we're missing? Phyllis, you got the lights?
Phyllis: Yes, I got those cute little ones. Do you think I should have gotten the big ones?
Angela: We'll see.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Angela drafted me into the party planning committee. Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster, which to me seems excessive.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: You guys should use a hand truck.
Kevin: Do we have one?
Dwight K. Schrute: No.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: No! No way. It- No.
Darryl: Come on, Mike. Let me borrow the hat for just a couple of hours.
Michael Scott: You wanna be Santa?
Darryl: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Have you ever seen Santa?
Darryl: Yeah, I've seen Santa.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Darryl: Who cares?
Michael Scott: Well, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, I would like to be the elf.
Michael Scott: That makes sense because he has elfish features.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, everyone. Listen up. It is time to get your presents, wrap them and place them under the tree, like so. If you do not get your present wrapped and under the tree within the next five minutes, you will be disqualified from Secret Santa. All right? No exceptions except Michael.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You get something good this year?
Jim: I think I did a pretty good job.
Michael Scott: Yeah? Who did you have?
Jim: Well, I can't tell you, 'cause it's a secret.
Michael Scott: I think I got something pretty nice for my guy.
Jim: Yeah?
Michael Scott: I spent a lot of dough. Lot of dough. Wow.
Jim: Well, there's a $20 limit, right? So...
Michael Scott: Yeah. I wanted this party to be really special so I sort of went above and beyond.
Jim: That's great. Well, don't tell me who it is, 'cause I can-
Michael Scott: It was Ryan. Yeah. I have Ryan.

Quote from Stanley

Dwight K. Schrute: Gather round. Secret Santa, let's go. Let's go. Come on. Stanley, no. I'm gonna handle the cord. Okay, safety reasons.
Stanley: I know how to plug something in.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars' worth."

Quote from Michael Scott

Ryan: Whoa, a video iPod.
Michael Scott: Whoa. Wow. Jeez. Somebody really got carried away with the spirit of Christmas. That was me.
I got carried away with the spirit.
Ryan: Wasn't there a $20 limit on the gift? This is 400 bucks.
Michael Scott: You don't know that.
Ryan: Yeah, you left the price tag on.
Michael Scott: I did?
Ryan: Yeah.
Michael Scott: What? Oh, shoot. Wow. Okay, well, who cares? It doesn't matter what I spent. What matters is that Christmas is fun, right?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Kevin: Uh, should we just keep opening up the presents?
Dwight K. Schrute: We don't do anything until Michael gives us further instructions.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Everyone wants the iPod. It's a huge hit. It is almost a Christmas miracle.

Quote from Roy

Roy: This is awesome.
Pam: I know. It's totally gonna change the way I work out.
Roy: Yeah, I was gonna get you one of these for Christmas, now I don't have to. I'm gonna save a ton of money.
Pam: So what are you gonna get me instead?
Roy: I don't know. Probably, like, a sweater or something.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: The deal is that this is my last hurrah, 'cause I made a New Year's resolution that I'm not gonna drink anymore during the week.

Quote from Ryan

Phyllis: Does everyone know my boyfriend, Bob Vance?
Kevin: Kevin Malone.
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Stanley: Stanley Hudson.
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: Ryan Howard.
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Anybody making out in here? Not yet. Give it time.

Quote from Todd

Todd: Merry Christmas, asswipe.
Michael Scott: No way. Oh, you're kidding me. Packer! Yes! Todd Packer, ladies and gentlemen.
Todd: What's up, my nerds? Check it out!
Michael Scott: Oh, no, no. Oh, look at that. Icing on the cake.
Todd: Pacman need a drinky.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Whose butt is that?
Kevin: Mine.
Ryan: Oh, how did I not guess that?


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