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‘Christmas Party’ Quotes

The Office: Christmas Party

210. Christmas Party

Aired December 6, 2005

Michael disrupts the office Secret Santa when he is the only one to break the spending limit.

Quote from Jim

Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa, and I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else? This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

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Quote from Creed

Creed: That's from me.
Jim: Great. Where did you get it?
Creed: I don't know. It was so long ago.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: He obviously forgot to get me something, and then he went into his closet and dug out this little number and then threw it in a bag.
[to camera:]
Creed: Yep. That's exactly what happened.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael keeps bragging about his iPod, but you know what? Two paint ball lessons with someone as experienced as I am is worth easily, like, 2 grand.
[at a shooting range:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Take that, Saddam.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't.

Quote from Michael Scott

Kevin: Why did you get it so big?
Michael Scott: A, that's what she said, and, B, I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.
Kevin: But what are we gonna do with this hacked-off part?
Michael Scott: Well, that is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin, and we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, pimp. [laughs] I'm kidding. What do we got? What do we got? How many plates are we getting?
Angela: Fifty.
Michael Scott: Double it. Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: It was a tough year. I had to fire somebody this year. This party has to really rock. Check it out. Christmas bonus, 3,000 Gs. I got this for helping save the company money. So I guess some good came out of firing Devon after all. Maybe I should call him and tell him that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I want people to cut loose. I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lamp shades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to know and spread the word that I will have my digital camera. And I'll be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. Incentive.
Pam: You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party.
Michael Scott: Yeah. I know. Damn it. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.

Quote from Toby

Toby: I got Angela. She is into these posters of babies dressed as adults. I got her one of those. I felt kind of weird buying that.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: I got Creed. And to tell you the truth, I don't know anything about Creed. I know his name's Creed. I know he works right over there. I think he's Irish and I I got him this shamrock keychain.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So Phyllis is basically saying, "Hey, Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth." I gave Ryan an iPod.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I got it. We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap.
Jim: What is Yankee Swap?
Michael Scott: One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal someone else's gift or choose a new gift.
Jim: I thought that was called Nasty Christmas.
Pam: Yeah, we call it White Elephant.
Michael Scott: Well, I call it fun!

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now.
Pam: I'll take the iPod.
Ryan: And I have to give it to her? I don't have a choice?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. Now, you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt or the shower radio or pick a new gift.
[Ryan opens a new gift, which is a personalized name plate for Kelly]
Stanley: That was meant for Kelly.
Ryan: Yeah, I figured.

Quote from Angela

Kelly: Yikes.
Toby: Well, it's for Angela, so-
Kelly: That's, like, the creepiest thing that I've ever seen.
Dwight K. Schrute: Angela, you're up.
Angela: I'll take the poster. Some people like these.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I hope nobody takes this baby, 'cause this is great. Wow, look at that fine craftsmanship. Somebody really put a lot of work into that. It's beautiful.
Meredith: I'll take the oven mitt.
Michael Scott: Sucker! See, I wanted somebody to take it. Boom! Reverse psychology.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you make someone think the opposite of what you believe and that tricks them into doing something stupid.
Works like a charm.

Quote from Kevin

Michael Scott: Last gift, Kevin.
Kevin: I want the foot bath.
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: That's the thing I bought myself. I'm really psyched to use it. Maybe I should have taken the iPod. Oh, shoot.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets... Christmas.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for these people, and they freak out. Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: I bought this teapot for Pam, and I know she really wants it. So, can I trade you for it?
Dwight K. Schrute: No trades.
Jim: Come on. It's a shamrock keychain. Good luck.
Dwight K. Schrute: "A real man makes his own luck." Billy Zane, Titanic.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Look it has sentimental value, Dwight. Can I buy it from you?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. I want it. I'm going to use it.
Jim: You don't even drink tea.
Dwight K. Schrute: True. But I get sinus infections, and sinus infections can be cured by making your tea from green tea leaf stems and pouring it directly into your nose, like so.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: To think that my gift to Pam will be used for that, it's a little too much to handle.

Quote from Pam

Jim: You know, you don't have to answer calls during a party. Just thought you should know.
Pam: No, I was just checking out my present.
Jim: But-
Pam: I traded with Dwight. Um. Just, I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and it means a lot. And also, Roy got me an iPod or was going to get me an iPod, so-
Jim: Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside.
Pam: Oh, my God! The yearbook picture. [to camera:] Yeah, I think I made the right choice. [present:] Oh, my God! It's incredible. Is this the bottle timer?
Jim: I didn't think you were gonna get that one. I really didn't.


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