Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa, and I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else? This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

Creed: That's from me.
Jim: Great. Where did you get it?
Creed: I don't know. It was so long ago.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: He obviously forgot to get me something, and then he went into his closet and dug out this little number and then threw it in a bag.
[to camera:]
Creed: Yep. That's exactly what happened.

Michael Scott: Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael keeps bragging about his iPod, but you know what? Two paint ball lessons with someone as experienced as I am is worth easily, like, 2 grand.
[at a shooting range:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Take that, Saddam.

Kevin: I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't.

Kevin: Why did you get it so big?
Michael Scott: A, that's what she said, and, B, I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.
Kevin: But what are we gonna do with this hacked-off part?
Michael Scott: Well, that is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin, and we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about.

Michael Scott: Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now.
Pam: I'll take the iPod.
Ryan: And I have to give it to her? I don't have a choice?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. Now, you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt or the shower radio or pick a new gift.
[Ryan opens a new gift, which is a personalized name plate for Kelly]
Stanley: That was meant for Kelly.
Ryan: Yeah, I figured.

Jim: You know, you don't have to answer calls during a party. Just thought you should know.
Pam: No, I was just checking out my present.
Jim: But-
Pam: I traded with Dwight. Um. Just, I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and it means a lot. And also, Roy got me an iPod or was going to get me an iPod, so-
Jim: Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside.
Pam: Oh, my God! The yearbook picture. [to camera:] Yeah, I think I made the right choice. [present:] Oh, my God! It's incredible. Is this the bottle timer?
Jim: I didn't think you were gonna get that one. I really didn't.

Michael Scott: Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, pimp. [laughs] I'm kidding. What do we got? What do we got? How many plates are we getting?
Angela: Fifty.
Michael Scott: Double it. Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: It was a tough year. I had to fire somebody this year. This party has to really rock. Check it out. Christmas bonus, 3,000 Gs. I got this for helping save the company money. So I guess some good came out of firing Devon after all. Maybe I should call him and tell him that.

Michael Scott: I want people to cut loose. I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lamp shades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to know and spread the word that I will have my digital camera. And I'll be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. Incentive.
Pam: You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party.
Michael Scott: Yeah. I know. Damn it. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.