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‘Garden Party’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

The Office: Garden Party

804. Garden Party

Aired October 13, 2011

Andy wants everyone on their best behavior when he throws a garden party on Schrute Farm and invites his parents and Robert California. Meanwhile, Dwight learns the tricks of the event trade from a rare book he found online.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Why do you keep reading that garden party book? I mean, how hard are finger sandwiches and tea?
Dwight K. Schrute: There's so much more to it than that.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I've been wanting Schrute Farms to break into the high-end event hosting industry for some time, and this party is a great opportunity. Plus, I've got a secret weapon. [holds up a book: "The Ultimate Guide to Throwing A Garden Party" by James Trickington] Only one copy in the world and some sucker on the internet sold it to me for two dollars. [laughs]
[also to camera:]
Jim: I'm actually really disappointed in how poorly my book is doing. [holds up same book] I've only sold one copy.

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Quote from Robert

Robert: I'll say a few words if that's alright with you, Andy.
Andy: Yeah, yeah.
Robert: You people say I led you, but it wasn't me. You want to toast the man who led you to success, but the boss is irrelevant. Andy and I, we produce nothing. We do nothing. We sit in our offices and demand, I want this and that right now, like petulant children. You know, the difference between a crying baby and a manager? One day, the baby will grow up. But, without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers, waiting for someone to change us, wipe us. I should be toasting you, thanking you, for allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe. Cheers.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Schrute Farms is very easy to find. It's right in the middle of the root vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you've probably gone too far.
Ryan: Just give us the address. We'll look it up online.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's simpler this way.
Oscar: It's really not.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO. Classic Gabe move. Hey, Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies, and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch?

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: I think if I had parents like that I'd be trying to convince everyone all the time how great I was, too.
Oscar: Guess we found Andy's rosebud.
Darryl: Rosebud?
Oscar: It's a reference to Citizen Kane. Something that explains why a person became the way they are.
Darryl: I know Citizen Kane. Rosebud didn't explain why he was how he was. It just represented what was important to him as a child, that he missed.
Oscar: Different school of thought. Let's just agree to disagree.
Darryl: No, you're wrong.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Are you sure?
Ryan: Yeah, I'm too hot anyway.
Robert: My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy. Isn't that strange? [laughing] I've never been there! [Gabe puts his jacket on Robert too] Oh, ah, yes, that's nice. Thank you.

Quote from Jim

Jim: There's this thing that people tend to do with billboards. How do I put this? If there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a... phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it'll happen, and Andy gave them that opportunity.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: My first love is beet farming, but it's a young man's game. Who ever heard of an old beet farmer?
Robert: Forget the beets. Concentrate on the hosting. I could spend a considerable amount of money having my birthday party here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, really? Well, we have a number of birthday packages. The Pewter Package has the least amount of goats. It's not no goats, it's still 10-12 goats, depending on the availability of the goats. Now, the Goat Package obviously has the most goats. What were you thinking?
Robert: Of course, I am not interested in goats. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me?
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispering:] I can get you exotic meats: hippo steaks, giraffe burgers...
Robert: We'll talk. [walks away]
Dwight K. Schrute: [looking at camera:] It'll all be goat.

Quote from Meredith

Andy: Erin, how long did we order those billboards for?
Erin: Six months.
Andy: Oh, god. I need you to call the billboard company.
Meredith: [entering office] Great billboard! Funny, edgy, right up to the line without crossing it, loved it.
Andy: Which one did you see?
Meredith: Washington Street, the one with, like, twenty dongs on it.

Quote from Robert

Robert: [on the phone] Andrew, I've picked up two possible gifts to bring this afternoon. One, a pot of marmalade.
Andy: Ooh, that sounds great.
Robert: Well, that, that is what you want then, the marmalade?
Andy: Sure.
Robert: You don't want to hear the other one. You love marmalade.
Andy: Uh, I'll hear the other one.
Robert: It's a basil plant.
Andy: You know, the marmalade sounds great.
Robert: I also mentioned the marmalade to my sister and she's very interested.
Andy: Then the basil will be fine.
Robert: Well, you clearly want the marmalade. Uh, Gretchen, I need another marmalade. Alright. [hangs up]

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