Creed Bratton Quotes Page 1 of 10

Quote from A.A.R.M.

Creed: This airs tonight? Oh, my God. If my parents see this, I am toast.

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Quote from The Farm

Pam: We can't let him buy our forgiveness with cupcakes. He was awful to us. And, he still is. How much is a cupcake? $2.50? Is that the price of our dignity?
Creed: $3.75 a cupcake, actually. $3.67 if you buy a dozen.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: I never forget a number. Names? In one ear and out the other. Places? Nope. Faces? That's rich. But, numbers? I have a gift. I guess that's why I'm an accountant.

Quote from Crime Aid

Creed: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.

Quote from New Guys

Creed: In the parking lot today there was a circus. The copier did tricks on the high-wire, a lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator; a strong man crushed a turtle. I laughed and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company.

Quote from Fun Run

Creed: I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower. but you make more money as a leader.

Quote from Nepotism

Creed: He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean.
Jim: You follow him on Twitter?
[aside to camera:]
Creed: Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid that's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.

Quote from Andy's Play

Creed: [on cell phone] Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of Sweeney Todd, the real terror comes from the vocal performances. New paragraph.

Quote from Lotto

Creed: I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport.

Quote from Spooked

Robert: Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed?
Creed: No...
Robert: Are you scared of snakes?
Creed: You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby.

Quote from Roy's Wedding

Creed: I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes.

Quote from Roy's Wedding

Creed: The Taliban is the worst. Great heroin, though.

Quote from The Whale

Phyllis: Guys, we can't let Dwight blow this. An account this size could double our growth. That means raises, bonuses... Pizza Friday could come back.
Meredith: Hey, remember that week in the 90's when we got bagels?
Creed: I miss Clinton.

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