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‘Diversity Day’ Quotes

The Office: Diversity Day

102. Diversity Day

Aired March 29, 2005

Michael's reenactment of a Chris Rock routine leads Corporate to mandate a racial sensitivity seminar.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, well, since I am leading this, let's get down to business and why don't I just kind of introduce myself, okay? Um. I am Michael and I am part English, Irish, German and [accent] Scottish. Sort of a virtual United Nations. But what some of you might not know is that I am also part Native American Indian.
Oscar: What part Native American?
Michael Scott: Two fifteenths.
Oscar: That fraction doesn't make any sense.
Michael Scott: Well, you know what, it's kind of hard for me to talk about. The suffering.

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Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Do you really have to do that right now?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, I do. I should have done this weeks ago, actually.
Jim: Mr. Decker, I'm sorry about that. What were you... Can you hold on one second? Yeah, just one second. Thanks.
[Jim turns off the power for Dwight's shredder]
Jim: Hello? Oh, that's it. Perfect. So what I was saying...
[Dwight pushes the switch hook on Jim's telephone]
Jim: Hello? [dial tone] Thanks, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Retaliation. Tit for tit.
Jim: That is not the expression.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, it should be. [shredder starts whirring again]

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Mr. Brown: Now, at the start of the session, I had you write down an incident that you found offensive in the workplace. I'm going to choose one and we'll act it out.
Dwight K. Schrute: A few of the ground rules? Just real quick.
Michael Scott: Hey, hey why don't you run it by me and I'll run it by him?
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, can we steer away from gay people?
Mr. Brown: Um...
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm sorry. It's an orientation. It's not a race. Plus, a lot of other races are intolerant of gays, so... paradox.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Mr. Brown: Now, this is a simple acronym. HERO. At Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness.
Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me?
Mr. Brown: Yeah?
Dwight K. Schrute: But that's not all it takes to be a hero.
Mr. Brown: Well, great. What is a hero to you?
Dwight K. Schrute: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part-human and part-supernatural.
A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster that must be avenged.
Mr. Brown: Okay, um, you're thinking of a superhero.
Dwight K. Schrute: We all have a hero in our heart.

Quote from Pam

Jim: Solitaire?
Pam: Yeah, Freecell.
Jim: Six on seven.
Pam: I know. I saw that.
Jim: So then, why didn't you do it?
Pam: I'm saving that cos I like it when the cards go T- ts-ts-tch-tch-tch.
Jim: Who doesn't love that?

Quote from Michael Scott

Mr. Brown: Thanks for filling these out and I promise this'll be quick. At Diversity Today, our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations. We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance.
Michael Scott: You know what? This is a color-free zone here. Stanley, I don't look at you as another race.
Mr. Brown: Er, see, this is what I'm talking about. We don't have to pretend we're color-blind.
Michael Scott: Exactly.
Mr. Brown: That's fighting ignorance with ignorance.
Michael Scott: With tolerance.
Mr. Brown: No. With more ignorance. Right. Exactly. Instead, we need to celebrate our diversity.
Michael Scott: Let's celebrate.
Mr. Brown: Okay.
Michael Scott: Celebrate good times. Come on! Let's celebrate diversity.

Quote from Michael Scott

Mr. Brown: Now, here's what we're going to do. I've noticed that-
Michael Scott: You know what? Here's what we're going to do. Why don't we go around and everybody - everybody! - say a race that you are attracted to sexually. I will go last. Go.
Dwight K. Schrute: I have two. White and Indian.
Mr. Brown: Actually, I'd prefer not to start that way.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: "I regret my actions. I regret offending my coworkers. I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness-" Open-mindedness, is that even a word? "-into the workplace. In this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck." [laughing] He's going to lose it when he reads that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Diversity is the cornerstone of progress, as I've always said. But don't take my word for it. Let's take a look at the tape. [on tape:] Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North." And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace. [in person:] OK. Questions? Comments? Anybody? Jim?
Jim: Uh, is that it?
Michael Scott: Uh, yes. I only had an hour to put it together but I'm going to add on to it later on.
Kelly: It was kind of hard to hear.
Michael Scott: Yes. That probably had something to do with the camera work.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I want you to take a card. Put it on your forehead. Don't look at the card. And I want you to take the card and put it on your forehead and- Take a card, any card. Um. And I want you to treat other people like the race that is on their forehead, okay? So everybody has a different race. Nobody knows what their race is, so I want you to really go for it, 'cause this is real. You know, this isn't just an exercise. This is real life. And I have a dream that you will really let the sparks fly. Get her done.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Why? Because Martin Luther King is a hero of mine. There's this great Chris Rock bit about how streets named after Martin Luther King tend to be more violent. I'm not going to do it but it's-

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an Arab. I thought that would be too explosive. No pun intended. But I just thought, "Too soon for Arabs." Maybe next year. Um... You know, the ball's in their court.

Quote from Kevin

Michael Scott: I just hated it when that guy was in here. Mr. Brown, if that was his real name. I mean, he had never met any of us before and here he was telling us how to do our thing. I just wanted- I just wanted to do it our way. You know? On our own. Man, I should have gotten some food.
Kevin: [in an Italian accent] Maybe some spagh-etti.
Michael Scott: OK, Kevin, you can take that off.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: That would really, really have shown him up, wouldn't it? If I'd brought in some burritos or some colored greens, or some pad Thai. I love pad Thai.
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael Scott: What?
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael Scott: That doesn't really make sense. You don't call them collared people. That's offensive.


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