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‘The Convention’ Quotes

The Office: The Convention

302. The Convention

Aired September 28, 2006

Michael and Dwight head to Philadelphia for a convention which Jim is also attending. Michael is still smarting from Jim transferring offices. Meanwhile, back in Scranton, Pam goes on her first date since breaking things off with Roy.

Quote from Jim

Jim: You know, when I saw Dwight, I realized how stupid and petty all those pranks I pulled on him were. And then he spoke. I wonder how hard it would be to get a copy of his room key.

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I was shocked when he told me he was transferring to Stamford. It's like with firemen, you don't leave your brothers behind. Even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Sorry, my meeting ran late.
Jan: Really?
Michael Scott: Yes, Jan, really, with the rep from Hammermill.
Josh: They're exclusive with Staples.
Michael Scott: Used to be. Evan'll call you in the morning to work out the details. We can now sell Hammermill products.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes!
Jan: Well, Michael, I just I underestimated you.
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, maybe next time you will estimate me.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Did you see Oprah yesterday?
Pam: No, I didn't.
Michael Scott: I- I'm going to be a father.
Pam: What was Oprah about?
Michael Scott: Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia, and she said that it changed her life, and that really inspired me. So I want you to look into see how much a little Chinese baby would cost.
Pam: That's a really big decision.
Michael Scott: I know.
Pam: Maybe you should wait before you adopt.
Michael Scott: Well-
Pam: Or not adopt.
Michael Scott: Just do it, okay?
Pam: Roy's sister looked into it and the application alone costs $1,000.
Michael Scott: Well, find out if there's a cheaper, less expensive baby out there, okay?
Pam: You know, she also said the waiting list is, like, eight months.
Michael Scott: Eight months?
Pam: Yeah.
Michael Scott: I don't even know if I want a baby in eight months.
Pam: Probably won't.
Michael Scott: You know what, Pam? If in 10 years, I haven't had a baby and you haven't had a baby-
Pam: No, Michael.
Michael Scott: Twenty years.
Pam: No, Michael.
Michael Scott: Thirty.
Pam: Sure. It's a deal.

Quote from Michael Scott

Ryan: All right, three pairs of pants. Three pairs of socks.
Michael Scott: Mmm-hmm.
Ryan: Three packs of condoms.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Ryan: Fun jeans.
Michael Scott: Right there.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Guess where I am going? I will give you a hint. It is a booze-fuelled sex romp where anything goes. You are correct, sir! I am headed to Philadelphia for the annual Northeastern Mid-Market Office Supply Convention. And Jim Halpert is going to be coming, which'll be fun. Poor little guy has been stuck working under Josh, the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo.

Quote from Creed

Creed: There's my girl. Noticed you handing out some shekels. How would one get on that train?
Angela: That was per diem for Philadelphia.
Meredith: Uh. That town smells like cheese steaks.
Angela: That town is full of history!
Creed: [to Meredith] Andrea's the office bitch. You'll get used to her. Creed. [offer his hand]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Jan? Look, I think we need to set some ground rules.
Jan: What are you talking about?
Michael Scott: The 800-pound gorilla in the room. Carole? I'm still dating her, so nothing can happen between us at the convention.
Jan: Step away from me, Michael.
Michael Scott: Thank you for being so brave with all of this. Thank you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Oh, my God. Hi! I'm Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin.
Dwight K. Schrute: Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin.
Jerome Bettis: All right.
Michael Scott: I'm a huge fan.
Jerome Bettis: Thanks, appreciate it, guys.
Michael Scott: You know what? I'm having a big blowout tonight, Room 308, hope you can come.
Jerome Bettis: All right, maybe. If I can.
Michael Scott: Well, cool! Okay, so can I tell people you're gonna be there?
Jerome Bettis: No, you cannot.
Michael Scott: So maybe. See you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why do they call him "The Bus"?
Michael Scott: Because he's afraid to fly.

Quote from Michael Scott

Josh: All right, Jan just e-mailed me. She wants us to meet her up front.
Michael Scott: Yup! Yeah, she's up front.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't have e-mail on your phone.
Michael Scott: I don't have to, I just know. Yes? Hello?
Dwight K. Schrute: No one just called you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, Jan? Jan? Don't worry, I have got the tip.
Dwight K. Schrute: Whoa, Michael! Wow!
Waiter: Wow. Oh, my God, thank you!
Michael Scott: Hey, no problem.
Dwight K. Schrute: Was that your per diem?
Michael Scott: No, that was a different $100 bill.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [to camera] Jim and I have different definitions of friendship. I think it's talking and being friends, and Jim thinks it's moving to Connecticut and being best friends with Josh. Well Phooey on that. I... I'm done. I am not going to be speaking with him anymore. Whatevs. Long-distance relationships never work.
[the camera pans out]
Evan: That is so true. Ready?
Michael Scott: Okay, let me tell you what we're looking for.
Evan: Great.

Quote from Jim

Michael Scott: So why are you here? Is Josh busy?
Jim: Michael.
Michael Scott: I get it!
Jim: Did I do something or-
Michael Scott: No. No, I totally get it! He made a better paper airplane, Stamford does better in sales. You- I get it, we had some fun. We had some laughs.
Jim: Wait, wait, wait. I didn't transfer because of you. You're a good boss. You're a great boss.
Michael Scott: I'm not better than Josh.
Jim: Michael, it's not about- I transferred because of Pam.
Michael Scott: Oh, my God. You don't even know. She's single now.
Jim: No, I- I heard something about that. It's just I kind of put it all on the line. Twice, actually. And she said no. Twice.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Some people need dozens of friends to say, "Hey, look at me, I'm popular!" But not me. I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two. When you meet that someone special, you'll just know, because a real relationship, it can't be forced. It should just come about effortlessly.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Now would you do me the pleasure of hitting the lights, sir? Whoa. What are all those stains?
Dwight K. Schrute: Blood, urine, or semen.
Michael Scott: Oh, God, I hope it's urine


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