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35Quotes from ‘The Convention’

The Office: The Convention

302. The Convention

Aired September 28, 2006

Michael and Dwight head to Philadelphia for a convention which Jim is also attending. Michael is still smarting from Jim transferring offices. Meanwhile, back in Scranton, Pam goes on her first date since breaking things off with Roy.

Quote from Jim

Jim: You know, when I saw Dwight, I realized how stupid and petty all those pranks I pulled on him were. And then he spoke. I wonder how hard it would be to get a copy of his room key.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I was shocked when he told me he was transferring to Stamford. It's like with firemen, you don't leave your brothers behind. Even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Sorry, my meeting ran late.
Jan: Really?
Michael Scott: Yes, Jan, really, with the rep from Hammermill.
Josh: They're exclusive with Staples.
Michael Scott: Used to be. Evan'll call you in the morning to work out the details. We can now sell Hammermill products.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes!
Jan: Well, Michael, I just I underestimated you.
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, maybe next time you will estimate me.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Did you see Oprah yesterday?
Pam: No, I didn't.
Michael Scott: I- I'm going to be a father.
Pam: What was Oprah about?
Michael Scott: Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia, and she said that it changed her life, and that really inspired me. So I want you to look into see how much a little Chinese baby would cost.
Pam: That's a really big decision.
Michael Scott: I know.
Pam: Maybe you should wait before you adopt.
Michael Scott: Well-
Pam: Or not adopt.
Michael Scott: Just do it, okay?
Pam: Roy's sister looked into it and the application alone costs $1,000.
Michael Scott: Well, find out if there's a cheaper, less expensive baby out there, okay?
Pam: You know, she also said the waiting list is, like, eight months.
Michael Scott: Eight months?
Pam: Yeah.
Michael Scott: I don't even know if I want a baby in eight months.
Pam: Probably won't.
Michael Scott: You know what, Pam? If in 10 years, I haven't had a baby and you haven't had a baby-
Pam: No, Michael.
Michael Scott: Twenty years.
Pam: No, Michael.
Michael Scott: Thirty.
Pam: Sure. It's a deal.

Quote from Michael Scott

Ryan: All right, three pairs of pants. Three pairs of socks.
Michael Scott: Mmm-hmm.
Ryan: Three packs of condoms.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Ryan: Fun jeans.
Michael Scott: Right there.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Guess where I am going? I will give you a hint. It is a booze-fuelled sex romp where anything goes. You are correct, sir! I am headed to Philadelphia for the annual Northeastern Mid-Market Office Supply Convention. And Jim Halpert is going to be coming, which'll be fun. Poor little guy has been stuck working under Josh, the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo.

Quote from Creed

Creed: There's my girl. Noticed you handing out some shekels. How would one get on that train?
Angela: That was per diem for Philadelphia.
Meredith: Uh. That town smells like cheese steaks.
Angela: That town is full of history!
Creed: [to Meredith] Andrea's the office bitch. You'll get used to her. Creed. [offer his hand]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Jan? Look, I think we need to set some ground rules.
Jan: What are you talking about?
Michael Scott: The 800-pound gorilla in the room. Carole? I'm still dating her, so nothing can happen between us at the convention.
Jan: Step away from me, Michael.
Michael Scott: Thank you for being so brave with all of this. Thank you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Oh, my God. Hi! I'm Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin.
Dwight K. Schrute: Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin.
Jerome Bettis: All right.
Michael Scott: I'm a huge fan.
Jerome Bettis: Thanks, appreciate it, guys.
Michael Scott: You know what? I'm having a big blowout tonight, Room 308, hope you can come.
Jerome Bettis: All right, maybe. If I can.
Michael Scott: Well, cool! Okay, so can I tell people you're gonna be there?
Jerome Bettis: No, you cannot.
Michael Scott: So maybe. See you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why do they call him "The Bus"?
Michael Scott: Because he's afraid to fly.

Quote from Michael Scott

Josh: All right, Jan just e-mailed me. She wants us to meet her up front.
Michael Scott: Yup! Yeah, she's up front.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't have e-mail on your phone.
Michael Scott: I don't have to, I just know. Yes? Hello?
Dwight K. Schrute: No one just called you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, Jan? Jan? Don't worry, I have got the tip.
Dwight K. Schrute: Whoa, Michael! Wow!
Waiter: Wow. Oh, my God, thank you!
Michael Scott: Hey, no problem.
Dwight K. Schrute: Was that your per diem?
Michael Scott: No, that was a different $100 bill.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [to camera] Jim and I have different definitions of friendship. I think it's talking and being friends, and Jim thinks it's moving to Connecticut and being best friends with Josh. Well Phooey on that. I... I'm done. I am not going to be speaking with him anymore. Whatevs. Long-distance relationships never work.
[the camera pans out]
Evan: That is so true. Ready?
Michael Scott: Okay, let me tell you what we're looking for.
Evan: Great.

Quote from Jim

Michael Scott: So why are you here? Is Josh busy?
Jim: Michael.
Michael Scott: I get it!
Jim: Did I do something or-
Michael Scott: No. No, I totally get it! He made a better paper airplane, Stamford does better in sales. You- I get it, we had some fun. We had some laughs.
Jim: Wait, wait, wait. I didn't transfer because of you. You're a good boss. You're a great boss.
Michael Scott: I'm not better than Josh.
Jim: Michael, it's not about- I transferred because of Pam.
Michael Scott: Oh, my God. You don't even know. She's single now.
Jim: No, I- I heard something about that. It's just I kind of put it all on the line. Twice, actually. And she said no. Twice.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Some people need dozens of friends to say, "Hey, look at me, I'm popular!" But not me. I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two. When you meet that someone special, you'll just know, because a real relationship, it can't be forced. It should just come about effortlessly.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Now would you do me the pleasure of hitting the lights, sir? Whoa. What are all those stains?
Dwight K. Schrute: Blood, urine, or semen.
Michael Scott: Oh, God, I hope it's urine

Quote from Angela

Dwight K. Schrute: Don't be mad, it is a business trip.
Angela: But I don't understand. It's for managers.
Dwight K. Schrute: Monkey, I am an ARM, Assistant Regional Manager.
Angela: I know! It's I was just really hoping we could spend some time together. [Dwight is silent] Are you still there?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, monkey.
Angela: Don't "monkey" me! You can't wait to get out of here, ARM!

Quote from Angela

Angela: In the Martin family, we like to say, "Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly." That's code for "Check out the slut." What is- Why are there flies in here?

Quote from Pam

Pam: Yes, I have a date. He's a cartoonist for the local paper, which is really neat, because I like to draw, too.
I'm kind of nervous. I haven't been on a first date in nine years. Probably shouldn't broadcast that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Kelly: Well, remember, no matter how much you may want to, do not sleep with him on the first date, it gives him all the power.
Michael Scott: Sleep with who? Whom? Whom? Whom?

Quote from Michael Scott

Kelly: They're going on a date tonight.
Michael Scott: Oh, wow! Oh, my God, I have a great idea. You know what you should do? Be hilarious. Wear your wedding dress. It'd be a great icebreaker!
Dwight K. Schrute: And your veil.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Do it!
Pam: I'll probably just wear this.
Michael Scott: Really? Okay, well, word of advice, unbutton that top button, let those things breathe.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Any message you want me to relate to Jim?
Pam: Um...
Michael Scott: "Um," okay. You got that?
Dwight K. Schrute: I got it.
Michael Scott: Write it down.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll write it down.
Michael Scott: Um, um,
Dwight K. Schrute: um, um

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Can I have my neck pillow back? Michael! Can I have my neck pillow back?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: There he is! There's the traitor. Traitor! Traitor! Come here, you. Come here! The- The progidal- My son returns!

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: That is a lot of liquor.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim: And a dartboard.
Michael Scott: Well, that's how we do it in Scranton, or did you forget? Ain't no party like a Scranton party 'cause a Scranton party don't stop!
[Michael and Dwight beatbox]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Swag! Stuff we all get. I basically decorated my condo for free with all of my swag!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I need you to do something for me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, anything.
Michael Scott: I want you to dig up some dirt on Josh, find out if there are any skeletons in his attic.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll talk to my buddy down at the station, stat.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: So I called my buddy down at the station today to have him run a background check on Josh Porter, see if there's any known aliases, etcetera.
Michael Scott: And?
Dwight K. Schrute: He wasn't volunteering today.
[Michael sighs]

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: Hey, how's Toby?
Michael Scott: Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry. Is he why you left?
Jim: Oh, no, it was just, you know, a good opportunity for me, a promotion. I got a chance to-
Michael Scott: Opportunity, promotion, blah, blah. You know, Jim, those are just words. Have you taken into account other factors, vis-a-vis bosses? Is Josh funnier than I am? Does he even have a girlfriend? Because I have two, basically.
Jim: Michael, it's really not a competition.

Quote from Jan

Jan: What have you generated, Michael?
Michael Scott: I have generated a lot of interest in my party this evening.
Jan: What party?
Michael Scott: The party I'm having tonight in 308, obviously, you are invited.
Jan: Michael, Jim and Josh are in meetings all day, and I am in and out of meetings. I I can't stay on top of you 24/7.
[Michael snickers]

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: You should order the most expensive thing on the menu. So he knows you're worth it.
Stanley: If you do that, you're gonna have to put out.
Phyllis: Oh, yeah, you'll have to put out.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Is there a key for a Jane Doe? Thank you.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Dwight's room key. And Dwight's room. What can I say? Old habits die hard.
Angela: D?
Jim: Oh, my God! Dwight got a hooker! Oh, my God, I gotta call- Well, I gotta call somebody, I don't even know who to call. Dwight got a hooker!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry, it's- Hey, you know what? I will talk to her.
Jim: Nope, that's okay.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim: No, that's all right.
Michael Scott: I will. I'll talk to her. You should at least talk to Roy, I mean, he knows exactly how you're feeling, just-
Jim: Yeah. Okay, maybe.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: So did you hear?
Toby: What?
Kevin: Pam's back on the market again.
Toby: Really? She's dating?
Kevin: If I weren't engaged, I would so hit that.


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