501. Weight Loss
Aired September 25, 2008
Over eight weeks of summer, Dunder Mifflin encourages its staff to lose weight. Meanwhile, Michael tries to form a friendship with Holly, Pam heads to New York for art school, Andy struggles to get Angela to settle on any wedding plans, and Ryan returns to Scranton in a new role.
Quote from Stanley
Stanley: I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is I have lost a little of my speed. A little of my fire. Here's what I used to look like. Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted.
Quote from Holly
Darryl: 2,336 pounds. Y'all need to learn some portion control.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait a minute. Pam is on the scale.
Michael Scott: Oh, Pamcake. No, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only.
Dwight K. Schrute: Family only.
Darryl: All right, got it. 2,210 pounds.
Kevin: Pam, you weigh 226 pounds?
Holly: Almost, Kevin.
Pam: Not almost, though, Holly. I mean, not- Not close to 200.
Holly: [whispering to Kevin] Math is hard.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: I wrote you a goodbye poem. It's really long. I left it up in my office. Could you please just wait till I go get it?
Pam: I should really get going.
Michael Scott: No! Okay, okay. Um. The last word is "seagulls".
Pam: I'm sure it was really lovely.
Michael Scott: I took a lot from other poems.
Quote from Jim
Jim: Why haven't I proposed yet? Actually, Pam and I talked about it, and we just decided that... Well, we didn't want to spend the first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. Not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here.
Quote from Holly
Holly: It's kind of a good news, bad news situation. The bad news is we're not doing very well, so we really had to starve ourselves this whole week. But the good news is that all the other branches are doing just as bad as we are. So corporate upped the prize to 5 days. So if we stay fat long enough, we may actually get a whole month off.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: Attention! Attention! We only have a few weeks left, and most of you are just as fat as the day we began.
Jim: How much weight have you lost, Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm hardly the problem.
Jim: You're definitely the problem.
Dwight K. Schrute: This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna randomly select 3 names, and these 3 people will get liposuction. Uh. Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Body image. We are here because there is something wrong with society.
Jim: See, you're always saying there's something wrong with society, but maybe there's something's wrong with you.
Michael Scott: If it's me, then society made me that way. Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, "Why are you dressed in a plus-size suit?"
Kevin: Because you're kind of doing Michael Klump.
Michael Scott: How do you know Michael Klump?
Oscar: Because it's your "making fun of fat people" character.
Michael Scott: How dare you! Michael Klump is a celebration of fat people.
Oscar: I think of him as more like a monster. What about, "I say, I say, I say, I sit on you"?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. It goes "I say, I say, I say, I sit on you!"
Michael Scott: No, no! You know what? Fat people, are not monsters. Why don't you guys have a little more sensitivity to the subject? Bang! Boom! Case in point. Look at the outside of this building. It is ugly. But you come inside, and it is beautiful. Just like this unappealing fat suit. Inside is a rather handsome, sexy, man.
Quote from Andy
Andy: Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them because they're unfair.
Quote from Pam
Pam: Hey, this is not halfway! I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would've been closer, so you have to buy lunch.
[Jim gets down on one knee.]
Pam: What are you doing?
Jim: I just- I can't wait.
Pam: Oh, my god.
Jim: Pam, will you marry me?
Pam: Oh, my god!