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‘Weight Loss’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Office: Weight Loss

501. Weight Loss

Aired September 25, 2008

Over eight weeks of summer, Dunder Mifflin encourages its staff to lose weight. Meanwhile, Michael tries to form a friendship with Holly, Pam heads to New York for art school, Andy struggles to get Angela to settle on any wedding plans, and Ryan returns to Scranton in a new role.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is I have lost a little of my speed. A little of my fire. Here's what I used to look like. Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted.

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Quote from Holly

Darryl: 2,336 pounds. Y'all need to learn some portion control.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait a minute. Pam is on the scale.
Michael Scott: Oh, Pamcake. No, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only.
Dwight K. Schrute: Family only.
Darryl: All right, got it. 2,210 pounds.
Kevin: Pam, you weigh 226 pounds?
Holly: Almost, Kevin.
Pam: Not almost, though, Holly. I mean, not- Not close to 200.
Holly: [whispering to Kevin] Math is hard.
Kevin: Yeah.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I wrote you a goodbye poem. It's really long. I left it up in my office. Could you please just wait till I go get it?
Pam: I should really get going.
Michael Scott: No! Okay, okay. Um. The last word is "seagulls".
Pam: I'm sure it was really lovely.
Michael Scott: I took a lot from other poems.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Why haven't I proposed yet? Actually, Pam and I talked about it, and we just decided that... Well, we didn't want to spend the first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. Not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here.

Quote from Holly

Holly: It's kind of a good news, bad news situation. The bad news is we're not doing very well, so we really had to starve ourselves this whole week. But the good news is that all the other branches are doing just as bad as we are. So corporate upped the prize to 5 days. So if we stay fat long enough, we may actually get a whole month off.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Attention! Attention! We only have a few weeks left, and most of you are just as fat as the day we began.
Jim: How much weight have you lost, Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm hardly the problem.
Jim: You're definitely the problem.
Dwight K. Schrute: This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna randomly select 3 names, and these 3 people will get liposuction. Uh. Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Body image. We are here because there is something wrong with society.
Jim: See, you're always saying there's something wrong with society, but maybe there's something's wrong with you.
Michael Scott: If it's me, then society made me that way. Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, "Why are you dressed in a plus-size suit?"
Kevin: Because you're kind of doing Michael Klump.
Michael Scott: How do you know Michael Klump?
Oscar: Because it's your "making fun of fat people" character.
Michael Scott: How dare you! Michael Klump is a celebration of fat people.
Oscar: I think of him as more like a monster. What about, "I say, I say, I say, I sit on you"?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. It goes "I say, I say, I say, I sit on you!"
Michael Scott: No, no! You know what? Fat people, are not monsters. Why don't you guys have a little more sensitivity to the subject? Bang! Boom! Case in point. Look at the outside of this building. It is ugly. But you come inside, and it is beautiful. Just like this unappealing fat suit. Inside is a rather handsome, sexy, man.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them because they're unfair.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Hey, this is not halfway! I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would've been closer, so you have to buy lunch.
[Jim gets down on one knee.]
Pam: What are you doing?
Jim: I just- I can't wait.
Pam: Oh, my god.
Jim: Pam, will you marry me?
Pam: Oh, my god!
Jim: So?
Pam: Yes!

Quote from Holly

Oscar: If you're into yoga, I take a great Bikram class in Dickson City.
Holly: Thanks, I should check that out.
Oscar: Also, and no pressure, the teacher, he's a catch.
Holly: Actually, I'm a lesbian.
Oscar: I'm gay.
Holly: I'm not a lesbian. I don't know why I said that. Stupid joke.
Oscar: What's the joke?
Holly: There is no joke. I just said it because I haven't had much luck lately, and I'm not really looking to date, so... Maybe I should switch to women.
Oscar: You think it's a choice?
Holly: Um. I'm gonna head back to my work area and just-
Oscar: I'm messing with you, Holly.
Holly: I knew that. Okay, bye.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I can't believe I'm saying this, but Michael is actually killing it with Holly. And I think I know why. It's because Holly is kind of a major dork.

Quote from Kelly

Darryl: Still good. You guys lost a pound. You lost one pound.
Kelly: I was on an IV for two days at the hospital.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What is wrong with these people? They have no will power. I went- I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

Quote from Angela

Andy: I don't know if there's any one place that has all these things.
Angela: It's not my problem.
Andy: "A thousand-year-old church in the continental United States. There has to be a rainbow. 24-hour veterinarian on call".
Angela: That is very important to me.

Quote from Jim

Ryan: Jim, I wanted to apologize for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself. And now that I've quit the rat race, I realized there's so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even, um, started volunteering. Giving back to the community.
Jim: That's great. You're talking about your court-ordered community service?
Ryan: I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean.
Jim: But he did, right?
Ryan: All right.
Jim: All right.
[Later, Ryan is seen adding another name to his list]

Quote from Kelly

Ryan: Kelly.
Kelly: Hello, Ryan. You look well.
Ryan: I wanted to say I'm sorry for treating you bad the past couple of years. I was in my mid-twenties, and I was going through a lot of stuff. I think I never really processed 9/11. Um. I want you to know I've changed.
Kelly: Cool.
Ryan: We should get a drink later, catch up. Pick me up around 8:00?
Kelly: Oh, that is so sweet. But I'm dating Darryl still, and we're, like, crazy in love, so...
Ryan: Um. Cool. Um. Well, maybe I'll see you around.
Kelly: It's a small office.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: No, no, no. I don't want to hear moaning. This is a good day. You guys accomplished something big. You lost a ton of weight, literally. A lot of weight. And I don't care what any stupid scale says. You guys are all gigantic losers.

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow.
Jim: [looking at Michael] Really? Nothing?

Quote from Holly

[Michael raps as Holly lays the beat]
Michael Scott: I'm Mc Mike Scott And I am hot She's Dj Jazzy Flax And she is the best All those sucker branches Can suck our fat...
Holly: Wikka wikka wikka what?

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