Dwight K. Schrute: Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger and Tonto and Bonto.

Michael Scott: Yes, I was the first one out. And, yes, I've heard women and children first, but we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So, I let them out first, I've a lawsuit on my hands.

Ryan: I don't wanna be, like, a guy here, you know? Like, Stanley is the crossword-puzzle guy and Angela has cats. I don't wanna have a thing here. You know, I don't wanna be the "something guy."

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, great. That's gonna keep you warm for, like, seven seconds. Question, is there firewood on the island? I guess. Then I would bring an axe, no books.
Jim: No, it has to be a book, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.
Jim: Nice. Smart. Hollowed out. Inside, water proof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

Dwight K. Schrute: I have a song, attention everyone, that I wanna sing, that I wrote especially for this occasion when I was up there among the flames. Ready?
[singing] Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning! [Michael joins in] Ryan started the fire! Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world was turning! Everybody! Marilyn Monroe! Ryan started the fire! Ryan started the fire! It was always burning.

Michael Scott: He is an idiot. The man is an idiot, ladies and gentlemen.
Kevin: What if he dies in the fire, and that's the last thing you ever said to him?
Michael Scott: I didn't say it to him. I said it about him.

Dwight K. Schrute: Everyone, okay, I have an announcement. Apparently, in business school, they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven, because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on "oven" instead of timing it for the toaster thing. [laughing, coughing]
Michael Scott: Oh, wow, okay. Well, I guess they don't teach how to operate a toaster oven in business school.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's exactly what I said.
Michael Scott: Hey, did you miss that day, there, Ryan?
Dwight K. Schrute: Were you absent?
Michael Scott: Toaster Oven 101.
Dwight K. Schrute: You failed?
Ryan: I'm so sorry.

Michael Scott: Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.
[cut to:]
Michael Scott: [as Yoda] "Much advice you seek." Do you know who that is?
Ryan: Fozzie Bear?
Michael Scott: Hmm. No. That was Yoda.

Dwight K. Schrute: Please, move quickly! This is a paper company, people. Step lively. This whole place is a tinderbox. It is ready to blow. This is not a test. Can you leave?
Phyllis: Oh, you say that every time.
Dwight K. Schrute: [screaming] Do you wanna die?
Phyllis: Oh, God.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you wanna die? Out! All right, let's go, let's go, let's go. Stanley, have you ever seen a burn victim? Move to the exits. Let's go! Real smoke! We've got smoke! Smoke! God!

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, Kelly! Are you okay? I got you!
Kelly: I'm okay!
Dwight K. Schrute: Cover your nose and mouth.
Kelly: Hey, let go of me!
Dwight K. Schrute: Breathe through your nose.
Kelly: Let go of me!
Dwight K. Schrute: Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings, okay? They'll melt right into your flesh. Stay below the smoke line. Let's go! Clear out, stat! Stat means now!