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‘The Fire’ Quotes

The Office: The Fire

204. The Fire

Aired October 11, 2005

When a fire leads to Dunder Mifflin office being evacuated, Jim tries to keep everybody entertained outside. Meanwhile, Michael's mentor relationship with Ryan is turned on its head when it's clear the student knows more about business than the master.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger and Tonto and Bonto.

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Yes, I was the first one out. And, yes, I've heard women and children first, but we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So, I let them out first, I've a lawsuit on my hands.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, great. That's gonna keep you warm for, like, seven seconds. Question, is there firewood on the island? I guess. Then I would bring an axe, no books.
Jim: No, it has to be a book, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.
Jim: Nice. Smart. Hollowed out. Inside, water proof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I have a song, attention everyone, that I wanna sing, that I wrote especially for this occasion when I was up there among the flames. Ready?
[singing] Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning! [Michael joins in] Ryan started the fire! Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world was turning! Everybody! Marilyn Monroe! Ryan started the fire! Ryan started the fire! It was always burning.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: I don't wanna be, like, a guy here, you know? Like, Stanley is the crossword-puzzle guy and Angela has cats. I don't wanna have a thing here. You know, I don't wanna be the "something guy."

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.
[cut to:]
Michael Scott: [as Yoda] "Much advice you seek." Do you know who that is?
Ryan: Fozzie Bear?
Michael Scott: Hmm. No. That was Yoda.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Please, move quickly! This is a paper company, people. Step lively. This whole place is a tinderbox. It is ready to blow. This is not a test. Can you leave?
Phyllis: Oh, you say that every time.
Dwight K. Schrute: [screaming] Do you wanna die?
Phyllis: Oh, God.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you wanna die? Out! All right, let's go, let's go, let's go. Stanley, have you ever seen a burn victim? Move to the exits. Let's go! Real smoke! We've got smoke! Smoke! God!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, Kelly! Are you okay? I got you!
Kelly: I'm okay!
Dwight K. Schrute: Cover your nose and mouth.
Kelly: Hey, let go of me!
Dwight K. Schrute: Breathe through your nose.
Kelly: Let go of me!
Dwight K. Schrute: Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings, okay? They'll melt right into your flesh. Stay below the smoke line. Let's go! Clear out, stat! Stat means now!

Quote from Meredith

Jim: Okay, thought people read more books. DVDs. Five movies, what would you bring to the island? Yes, Meredith.
Meredith: Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blonde, Bridges of Madison County.
[later:]
Meredith: And Ghost. But just that one scene.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Quiz me up.
Ryan: All right. Why have people been rethinking the Microsoft model in the past few years?
Michael Scott: Uh...
[later:]
Ryan: Is it cheaper to sign a new customer or to keep an existing customer?
Dwight K. Schrute: Keep an existing cust-
Michael Scott: Shut it. Can I just do it, please? Uh, it's equal.
Ryan: It is 10 times more expensive to sign a new customer.
Michael Scott: Okay. Yes, it was a trick question, okay.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant to save up money for school. And then I lost it in a pyramid scheme, but I learned more about business right then and there than business school would ever teach me or Ryan would ever teach me.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I did not go to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? Lebron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA, so... So, it's not the same thing at all.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I became a salesman because of people. I love making friends. But then I was promoted to manager, very young age. I still try to be a friend first, but, you know, when you're very successful, your co-workers look at you differently. [sighing] What do you think?
Ryan: Maybe we should get some air.
Michael Scott: No, I'm okay.
Ryan: I'm really uncomfortable.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Why didn't I go to business school?
Jim: Who goes to business school?
Dwight K. Schrute: The temp.
Jim: He does?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, it's all him and Michael talk about anymore.
Pam: You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself, "I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekend."
Dwight K. Schrute: He doesn't even know that I do that.
Pam: You should tell him.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, yeah, Pam, right. That's gonna help things. Just talk it out. I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.
Pam: Dwight.
Jim: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm sorry I said that. I didn't- Just part of me meant it. Besides, he'd end up being a hero anyway.

Quote from Kevin

Michael Scott: He is an idiot. The man is an idiot, ladies and gentlemen.
Kevin: What if he dies in the fire, and that's the last thing you ever said to him?
Michael Scott: I didn't say it to him. I said it about him.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Everyone, okay, I have an announcement. Apparently, in business school, they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven, because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on "oven" instead of timing it for the toaster thing. [laughing, coughing]
Michael Scott: Oh, wow, okay. Well, I guess they don't teach how to operate a toaster oven in business school.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's exactly what I said.
Michael Scott: Hey, did you miss that day, there, Ryan?
Dwight K. Schrute: Were you absent?
Michael Scott: Toaster Oven 101.
Dwight K. Schrute: You failed?
Ryan: I'm so sorry.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon Studebaker, Television North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe! Ryan started the fire!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Oh, look, Ryan is book smart, and I am street smart and book smart.


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