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‘Roy's Wedding’ Quotes

The Office: Roy's Wedding

902. Roy's Wedding

Aired September 27, 2012

Pam and Jim are shocked by how much Roy has changed when they attend his wedding. Meanwhile, Clark convinces Erin to "audition" for a TV news role, and Dwight fights Nellie over a corporate charity program.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy of dollar days throughout the country. Promising low, low prices on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. "Aren't you glad you waited?", Karzai commented.
Darryl: Um, where did you get that story?
Erin: A little bit here, a little bit there. I bet you didn't think I knew current events.

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Quote from Erin

Erin: I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist. But, why? Because I happened to answer help wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO? Or for a brain surgeon?

Quote from Creed

Creed: I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes.

Quote from Creed

Creed: The Taliban is the worst. Great heroin, though.

Quote from Nellie

Nellie: When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: Andy made me his consigliere. Which means Assistant Regional Manager. I guess he thought I'd be into The Godfather 'cause I'm black. Wrong! I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile. I like Scarface 'cause I'm black.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Nellie: Dwight, you will be participating.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, thank you.
Nellie: Participation is mandatory, Dwight. But you can choose whatever cause you like.
Dwight K. Schrute: Fine, I chose the Global Relief Foundation.
Nellie: Great, thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban.
Nellie: Oh, for goodness' sake, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah. The Taliban in Afa-ghanistan.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I've been through several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour but, there are also penalties. Like, no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores. But they were right; it's more fun this way.

Quote from Kevin

Toby: I would love to give, uh-
Kevin: Heifer's International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like, a goat or something. It's a great prank.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Nellie: Dwight, what about you?
Dwight K. Schrute: I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works.

Quote from Pam

Pam: The building's custodian is on vacation for the month and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement. So, instead, we're living in filth. But, not for long. Because I have created the chore wheel.
[later:]
Kevin: Oh, yeah! Can I spin first?
Pam: Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning and... you see what chore you get that day.
Kevin: A wheel is supposed to spin.
Erin: Yeah, you know, like guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh... guh.
Pam: No, I'm familiar with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work with a chore wheel because people might get the same chore-
Andy: Bugh, boring. All she talks about is chores.
Creed: A wheel wants to spin, Pam.
Jim: Spinning would be more fun.
Pam: ‘kay.
Kevin: Okay, that's what I'm talking about! Big money, big money! Mug duty?
Pam: Yes, you clean all the mugs in the sink.
Kevin: This sucks.
Erin: Yeah, seriously, it's like everything on there is work.
Pam: I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. It's-
Kevin: Yeah, I don't think that you understand wheels.

Quote from Pam

Pam: The tiny wheel actually does have chores. It's so cute no one seems to mind.

Quote from Pam

Jim: A banana?
Pam: Yeah. I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot dogs.
Jim: Oh, come on. Not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding.
Pam: Planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs.

Quote from Creed

Nellie: Get excited. The special projects fairy has arrived.
Creed: I know you don't really exist.

Quote from Nellie

Nellie: Today, I launch my big charity initiative ‘Operation Give Back'. Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far but, this one is about charity. So, I'd like to see him piss on that one.

Quote from Angela

Nellie: With Operation Give Back, you pick the charities Dunder-Mifflin supports.
Kevin: Oh boy! What's happening?
Nellie: There's four thousand dollars to give away. So, who has filled out their form? Stanley?
Stanley: American Diabetes Association.
Angela: Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. [to Nellie] I'm sorry, is the assignment to pick a selfish charity?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Nellie: Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of Operation Give Back.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, it looks like there won't be any Operation Give Back. Ha, ha. The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome.

Quote from Pete

Pete: No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glenn, and Rob. But, you don't know them.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Nellie: You support the Taliban abroad. So I assume you're willing to live by their rules here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Anything else would be inconsistent.
Nellie: Will you join me then in a pledge to live by Taliban law in this office?
Dwight K. Schrute: Absolutely, I will.
[later to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan but she used a ridiculous font. Huh. [in an English accent] You don't 'av a plan.

Quote from Meredith

Jim: I'm sorry. This is for a news audition?
Andy: Yeah.
Oscar: Then why are we talking about her looks? Why not her credibility? Or her reliability?
Andy: News flash everyone: the human race finds attractive people more trustworthy.
Oscar: I'm so sorry, Andy, but for twenty years, the most trusted man in America: Walter Cronkite.
Meredith: Cronkite was hot. If I could go back in time, I'd take that mustache ride.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives.
Nellie: Thank you, Andy.
Andy: I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling.


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