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48Quotes from ‘Body Language’

The Office: Body Language

623. Body Language

Aired April 29, 2010

Michael gets mixed signals when bar manager Donna visits Dunder Mifflin for a sales pitch. Meanwhile, Dwight encourages Kelly to apply for the company's "Print in all Colors" executive training program.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Kelly will be even worse than Darryl. If you'd have told me this morning that today I'd be creating a monster capable f my own destruction, I 'd have thought you were referring to the bull Mose and I are trying to reanimate.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Buenos dias, Jaime.
Jim: Buenos dias, Miguel. Como estas? Bien? Claro que si! Yo estoy fantastico. Que pasa?
Michael Scott: Ha ha! Buenos dias, Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: Guten tag, Herr Michael.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't understand why Michael is wasting his time with Spanish. I have it on very good authority that within 20 years, everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he had just stopped, given up, after two rejections? Would have been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier. But it would have ultimately been a disappointment. I still would have seen it, but that's not... the point.

Quote from Stanley

Dwight K. Schrute: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management.
Stanley: Dwight, I know these programs. "Every color is important because, together, we make a rainbow."
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Stanley: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: How do I apply?
Gabe: You have to be a minority.
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh, glasses wearers. Cholera survivors. Geniuses. Non-organic family farmers. The list goes on and on. You want me to keep going?
Gabe: Those don't really count. We're thinking more ethnic and racial minorities.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Just once, I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?

Quote from Darryl

Gabe: Darryl withdrew his application. He said the Yale program interfered with his softball league, you know? He's gone.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: I got my whole life to be a minority executive. I only have about a year left in these knees, though.

Quote from Kelly

Gabe: That's very nice. [about Kelly's bindi] I never noticed that before.
Kelly: Sometimes my bangs cover it.
Gabe: Yeah. I don't want to be offensive but, uh... may I ask you what that means?
Kelly: I do find that offensive, actually.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Buenos dias, Erin.
Erin: Buenos dias, Miguel. [phone rings] Hello, Dunder-Mifflin.
Michael Scott: No, no, no, no. Solamente en espanol, por favor.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: I believe that every man, woman, and child in this country should learn how to speak Spanish. They are our neighbors to the South, and this would be a healing thing for... for all of North America. And I am going on vacation next week to Cancun.

Quote from Michael Scott

Oscar: Your office is full of genitalia.
Michael Scott: [clears throat] Oh. Eso es lo que dice, el!
Oscar: "That's what he says?"
Michael Scott: Damn it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: La telefona.
Oscar: El telefono.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: Michael's having a hard time with the gender part of Spanish. So I told him to mark everything with the international symbol for gender. And, um... [holds up two Post-It notes featuring drawings of male and female genitalia] I should have been more specific.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Gabe: You would have weekly conference calls with executives in corporate ,a two-week training program at the Yale school of management. Obviously you would be high on the list for advancement opportunities.
Darryl: Sounds all right.
Dwight K. Schrute: What is this?
Gabe: Oh, this is "Print in All Colors," Sabre's minority executive training program.
Dwight K. Schrute: It doesn't just sound a'ight, it sounds amazing.
Darryl: I didn't say "a'ight."

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: One minority from this branch is going to get into this program. Who would I prefer? Hmm. The competent, hardworking one who does things his own way, or the malleable simpleton who can be bought for a few fashion magazines?

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: [on the phone] This is the second time that you've sent me the wrong size. I mean, I know what a four feels like. I've been a four my whole life. You know what? You can go to Hell. All right? Thanks for nothing.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, man. White people, right?
Kelly: I don't know if she was white.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, you can kinda tell from the voice.
Kelly: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot, just because of your race.
Kelly: Well, they say it's because of texting, but maybe you're right.
Dwight K. Schrute: I think you should consider applying for the executive minority training program.
Kelly: Never thought of myself as an executive before.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know, 'cause you have no role models. How many Indian CEOs can you think of?
Kelly: I can't think of any CEOs, any race.
Dwight K. Schrute: You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian Ted Turner.
Kelly: I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's not- She's- Okay. Yes.

Quote from Creed

Kevin: Look at that. She's totally flirting with him.
Phyllis: You don't know that. Some people can't help oozing sexuality.
Creed: You ever notice you can ooze two things: sexuality and pus. Man, I tell ya.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: I don't see how we could possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost-
Michael Scott: Okay, well sometimes... sometimes it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes.
Oscar: Actually, ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes more financial sense to gain money.
Michael Scott: Why don't you run them again?

Quote from Ryan

Dwight K. Schrute: You know, we really should keep practicing for this interview.
Kelly: Oh, that's okay. Ryan coached me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ryan? What does he know?
Ryan: It's easy... you just turn every question around on them. Do you think you're treated differently because of your race?
Kelly: Would you ask that same question if I was white? We're so in.
Dwight K. Schrute: "We?"
Kelly: When I become executive, I'm gonna make Ryan manager.
Ryan: And then the two of us are cleanin' house.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Kelly is disqualified!
Gabe: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: You said the program is not open to Caucasians. Well... Anthropologically, she is Indian. Indians migrated from the caucuses region of Europe. Therefore, technically, she is Caucasian. You're welcome, America.
Gabe: Yeah, but she's not white, though.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, obviously, she is brownish. But come on, I mean, Darryl is far more ethnic.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Kelly: For hobbies, um, yoga, belly dancing, snake charming. Beds of nails. I like lying on them.
Dwight K. Schrute: Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is Hidetoshi Hasagawa. He would like to apply for the Sabre minority executive training program "print in all colors" initiative.
Kelly: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: Helping heal America in a dramatic fashion in the 11th hour.
Kelly: God, I hate you so much!
Dwight K. Schrute: Caucasians, am I right?

Quote from Andy

Andy: You know, when I tore my scrote, I was, uh- I was seeing this really hot urologist about it, and thought she was into me. But now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know, she's touching around down there. It's easy to get confused.

Quote from Kelly

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, kiddo. Congratulations are in order. You deserve it. [Dwight extends his hand, but Kelly hugs him]
Kelly: Thank you, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh.
Kelly: I'll never forget everything that you've done for me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Gosh. [laughs]
Kelly: Because I never forget anything.

Quote from Pam

Jim: All right, so I'll finish up on bulk pricing, and then you go into delivery guarantee.
Pam: You know, maybe there's an opportunity for a joke there, like, um... like, "I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee."
Jim: Yeah, or maybe we don't even need that.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Can you smell the power of the Halperts? Power couple.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? I should be getting this client, Michael. My numbers are better than either of theirs.
Michael Scott: I went with the people I thought would put the best face on the company.
Dwight K. Schrute: If you want people to put the best face on something, why would you get two people who probably have never cut the face off of anything in their lives?
Jim: [quietly to Pam] That's a good point.

Quote from Pam

Pam: This is our first joint sales pitch. I think we're gonna work really well together.
Jim: Yeah, I think we have complimentary strengths. We understand each other.
Pam: We have good give and take. [comedic delivery] I give, he takes.
Jim: I don't even know who you are anymore.
Pam: Yee!

Quote from Michael Scott

Donna: Hi, uh, Donna Newton, here to see Michael Scott.
Jim: Oh, hey, Miss Newton. Hi, I'm Jim.
Donna: Hi!
Jim: How are you?
Michael Scott: Did somebody order a hooker over here?
Donna: [laughing] Oh, stop that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: There's this woman I met a few weeks ago. Her name is Donna, the manager of Sid & Dexter's and, right now, we're in the midst of a passionate love affair. Um, no. But she is coming by today. Maybe to buy some printers, so...

Quote from Angela

Michael Scott: Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today.
Donna: You look exactly alike.
Pam: Oh, no we're actually married. We're not brother and sister.
Donna: I have a sense about these things.
Jim: All right.
Donna: You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back.
Angela: I knew it. You should see their baby.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hi.
Jim: Hold on one second.
Michael Scott: Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. Do you, Donna, by any chance shop at Victoria's Secret?
Jim: What?
Michael Scott: Because I keep getting these magazines sent to me via the address of the woman who used to live in my condo before me.
Jim: None of this is time sensitive.
Michael Scott: Uh, yes, uh, the sale is on now through May.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I took the liberty to scan a few things earlier, and I want to show you... there we go! [Michael's picture pops up on the PowerPoint screen] Whoa, look at those vivid colors. Look at my eyes. Those are Shrek-green eyes. That is me again. I think this displays the crisp, dazzling white.
Donna: Mm-hmm.
Michael Scott: And that would be a display of the crisp, gorgeous black.
Donna: Yeah.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: It's subtle. That's how it works. I show her an image that turns her on. And then she looks at me, then back at me, then back at the image. Soon, she doesn't know what is me, what is the image. She just knows that she's turned on.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This is a place that I like to go to be alone with my thoughts. I've never taken anybody there before.
Donna: Who took the photo?
Michael Scott: Ryan.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You didn't see it, Pam. She was giving me all sorts of signals that she wanted me to make a move. Shortbread?
Jim: No.
Pam: I'll have one.
Jim: Well, maybe you shouldn't try to kiss people at work.
Michael Scott: Oh really, Jim? What about Pam? And you did a heck of a lot more than kiss. Maybe this could be my Pam.

Quote from Pam

Jim: What was that?
Pam: Just let him flirt with her. People meet each other all sorts of ways.
Jim: Pam, you know he's not gonna get anywhere, and he's gonna blow our sale.
Pam: Who cares? It's not that huge a sale.
Jim: Hey, the Schwab guy told us to treat every sale like it was a huge sale.
Pam: Don't act like you understood anything that guy said. Good luck, wingman. [salutes]

Quote from Kelly

Dwight K. Schrute: How as being a minority affected you?
Kelly: Well, there's a lot of pressure from my parents to settle down and marry an Indian guy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, good, and you resent this because...
Kelly: Indian guys always wear their cell phones outside their pants. It's so dorky.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, no, no. That's not dorky. Look, it's easily accessible. Boom, like this. 911, hello. Scranton Strangler's in the house. Inside the house.
Kelly: Just put it in your pocket.

Quote from Kevin

Jim: What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price?
Michael Scott: If she is, it's working.
Kevin: Yeah, Michael, here's a trick. Ask her if she wants a mint. If she says "no," then she is not interested.

Quote from Pam

Jim: She does not like him.
Pam: You can flirt with someone to get what you want and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together?
Jim: 'cause I stopped by your desk like 15 times a day.
Pam: I was after your money.
Jim: Well, the joke was on you.
Pam: Yes, it was.

Quote from Kelly

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, what are you guys doing?
Kelly: This girl was really rude to me at the mall. So I created a fake I.M. account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.
Ryan: Tell her everyone in home room thinks she's fat.
Kelly: Oh, that is so good.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So corporate approval of this contract is contingent upon buyer and seller...
Donna: Mm-hmm.
Michael Scott: Operating blahdy blahdy blah. Boilerplate. Pound of fish. [Donna laughs]

Quote from Kevin

Michael Scott: I can't stop myself from kissing her.
Kevin: Yeah, now you know how I feel sitting next to those M&M's all day.
Andy: Well, why don't you just move the M&M's?
Kevin: Hey, why don't you shut up!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, guys, guys, guys. Just tell me it's not totally insane to try one more time.
Jim: It is totally insane.
Oscar: Michael, he's right. You are turning into a stalker.
Michael Scott: Okay. What do you think?
Kevin: I think it's over, man.
Michael Scott: Andy?
Andy: Ehh.
Michael Scott: Okay, some for, some against.
Jim: Nobody's for.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What do you think?
Pam: Um... I think it's really, really unlikely.
Jim: Okay.
Pam: Really unlikely. But I can't say that it's impossible.
Jim: What?
[aside to camera:]
Pam: I'm not saying she's in love with him. But she could have left a while ago. Most printer sales are done over the phone, Ms. Boob shirt.

Quote from Kelly

Dwight K. Schrute: Kelly is the only applicant.
Gabe: Yeah, unless somebody else applies today.
Kelly: Namaste. [Kelly is wearing a traditional Indian sari and a bindi]
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, dear God.

Quote from Erin

Dwight K. Schrute: How would one of you feel if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company?
Erin: Holy cow. I'd be so happy.
Dwight K. Schrute: I wasn't talking to you, pale-face.
Erin: I know. I meant I'd be happy for them.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Speaking of rainbows. Oscar, you are kind of a double minority. Gay. So we at Sabre could really benefit from your perspective.
Oscar: Dwight, we know Kelly applied. We're not gonna cross her. No matter how good the program is.
Dwight K. Schrute: I can protect you from Kelly. [Erin stifles laugh] Will you get out of here? Seriously.

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: Michael, you know, it's easy to get fooled. Bob's warehouse guys flirt with me all the time. It- It's mostly harmless. Usually I don't let it go too far.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Michael, I think Donna left this here. Should I put it in the lost and found for 14 days and then I can take it home?

Quote from Michael Scott

Donna: Michael!
Michael Scott: Oh. You're still here. I have your baguette.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: Everyone, it is my pleasure to announce our newest member of the Sabre minority executive training program. Kelly Rajanigandha Kapoor. All right.
[aside to camera:]
Gabe: They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program. She'll be the first. The program's mostly black. It's almost too black. That didn't sound right.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: [puts a bindi on Erin's forehead] And the best part is is that I get a business stipend to buy all new clothes. So you can totally buy any of my old clothes that I'm not gonna need anymore.
Erin: Oh, my God, thank you so much. I love that denim jumpsuit you have. How much?
Kelly: Oh. Actually, I was thinking about clothes that I was just gonna give to Goodwill anyway.
Erin: Great.


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