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‘The Duel’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

The Office: The Duel

512. The Duel

Aired January 15, 2009

Michael is worried when he's called to Corporate for a meeting with David Wallace. Before he leaves Scranton, Michael finally tells Andy the truth about Angela and Dwight.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: So listen, Michael. Your branch has been doing great lately, and your sales staff is reporting very strong numbers. Outperforming last year, in fact. And I don't know exactly how to put this, but what are you doing right?
Michael Scott: Right, what?
David: Utica, Albany, all the other branches are struggling. But your branch is reporting strong numbers. Look, you're not our most traditional guy, but clearly something you are doing is right and I need to get a sense of what that is.
Michael Scott: David, here it is. My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have, and I always will. Don't ever for any reason do anything to anyone for any reason, ever, no matter what.
No matter where or who, or who you are with or where you are going, or or where you've been. Ever. For any reason whatsoever. This is gonna sound sort of high maintenance, but could we have it, like, three degrees cooler in here? I always think better when it's cooler.

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Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Rule 17. Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season. There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of five. [singing] Learn your rules, you better learn your rules, if you don't, you'll be eaten in your sleep

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. It's been 17 days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out. When their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just awkward.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Quote from Andy

Andy: You give up?
Dwight K. Schrute: Never! Get out and face me like a man!
Andy: I am a man. I'm a bigger man than you'll ever be! I would never sleep with another man's fiancee!
Dwight K. Schrute: You're not a man! You don't know how to take care of her! All you do is dress fancy and sing! [gibberish singing] What does that mean? You can't even protect her!
Andy: Protect her from what? Bears, you idiot? When's the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton?
Dwight K. Schrute: Last year, idiot!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: 31!
Stanley: There was a car.
Michael Scott: I was ahead of the car. 31 is my new number.
Oscar: 31 is humanly impossible.
Michael Scott: Go, Oscar. 31 is my number.
Oscar: That's impossible.
Michael Scott: Beat it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Today's a big day. My presence has been requested by Chief Financial Officer David Wallace. He says that he wants to talk about big picture stuff. And I'll be honest, I have little or no idea what that means, so... Probably bad.

Quote from Oscar

Michael Scott: Are you still having intercourse with her?
Oscar: What is wrong with you? She is engaged.
Michael Scott: Did you ever have intercourse in this office?
[Phyllis nods]
Oscar: Are you serious? Ugh. Where? Where? Where, Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: Seems like you already know where.

Quote from Kevin

Angela: Kevin, you screwed this form up again. The amount owed goes at the top.
Kevin: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing something wrong. If I had, I would've admitted it and stopped right away.
Angela: That's enough.
Kevin: Because I wouldn't want an innocent person who doesn't know anything about the form... [to Oscar] What?
Oscar: That was good. It's just at the end, you weren't saying something that could apply to the form.
Kevin: How about "I'm sorry I did such a whorish job filling out this form."
Oscar: There you go.

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