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40Quotes from ‘New Boss’

The Office: New Boss

520. New Boss

Aired March 19, 2009

As Michael's fifteenth anniversay at Dunder Mifflin approaches, a new boss, Charles Miner, arrives from Corporate with a view to cutting costs.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Michael Scott calling for David. Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, Michael, come on, no. You have to charm them.
Receptionist: [answering phone] David Wallace's office.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey there, gorgeous. How you doing today?
Receptionist: I'm good, thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: How's it hanging?
Receptionist: All right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good. Listen. My name is Michael Scotch. And I just wanted to say that I've got David Wallace's son in the trunk of my car. If he doesn't get on this phone in five seconds-
Michael Scott: What are you doing? God! Oh, my God!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Originally founded in 1866, Scranton quickly became one of Pennsylvania's largest anthracite coal mining communities.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better. And I agree. So, what I would like you to do is, tell me something that you've never told anybody before.
Charles: No.
Michael Scott: Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before?
Charles: Saticoy Steel.
Michael Scott: Beautiful. See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names.
Charles: No, I worked at a company called Saticoy Steel.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, since it is your 15th anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a 15-minute round of applause.
Michael Scott: I like it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Followed by a 15-minute moment of silence.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You're not from paper?
Charles: No.
Michael Scott: Does David know this?
Charles: Yeah, he knows. He just wants a good manager.
Michael Scott: Well, that actually is a excellent segue into really what is my only point. And that is- I don't need to be managed, Charles. And if you want to pick up some tips, observing here and taking them to the other branches, it's all good. But... Jan would mostly come by when she was super horny. And Ryan would come by to visit his parents and do laundry. So... Are we clear?
Charles: That's not how I plan on doing things.
Michael Scott: Okay. Okay. Well, I'll just bounce that off David, see if it comes back.
Charles: I'll tell David what he needs to know. Sorry. David wants it this way.
Michael Scott: Well, Whatever David wants.

Quote from Michael Scott

Receptionist: [answering the phone] David Wallace's office.
Michael Scott: Hi, Stephanie. Michael Scott again. I just spoke with Michael Scotch. The son's going to be returned, everything's fine.

Quote from Michael Scott

Kevin: Michael, I just realized that I used the 2008 calendar to do the spreadsheets for January and February. I may need to come in this weekend to fix it.
Michael Scott: Do some overtime? You wanna do some overtime this weekend? You know what, Kevin, I applaud your initiative. Yes, you may-
Charles: Uh, no. Sorry, Michael. No, Kevin, right? I'm gonna need you to do that during office hours.
Kevin: Okay. Okay.
Michael Scott: Kevin, this is my branch. You don't ask Charles, you ask me. I say "approved".
Charles: That's not the way it's going to work.
Michael Scott: Yes, it is.
Charles: No, it is not.
Michael Scott: No, it is not.
Charles: Okay, so we're on the same page, great.
Michael Scott: Okay, so we're on the same page, great.
Charles: Okay, Michael, what are you doing?
Michael Scott: Okay, Michael, what are you doing?
Charles: No, seriously.
Michael Scott: No, seriously.
Charles: How old are you?
Michael Scott: How old are you?

Quote from Michael Scott

Charles: Five-years-old.
Michael Scott: Five-years-old.
Andy: Dude, stop.
[The employees beg Michael to stop]
Charles: That's great.
Michael Scott: That's great.
Charles: I'm going to walk away.
Michael Scott: I'm going to walk away.
Andy: You need to stop doing that.
Michael Scott: I'm kidding around! Wow. Relax everybody. It was just a joke. It's fine. Boy, so touchy. PPC, let's continue our meeting in the conference room.

Quote from Jim

Jim: All right, Charles, I got to be honest, I think we really got off on the wrong foot here. And truth be told, I'm a smart guy. And a hard-worker and a great number two for the office.
Charles: Number two?
Jim: Second in command to Michael.
Charles: Oh, I didn't know that position existed.
Jim: Oh, that's because at first, it was a made up position for Dwight, just to make him feel better. Assistant to the regional manager. But then he lost that and Michael gave it to me.
Charles: So you're the assistant to the regional manager?
Jim: Assistant regional manager.
Charles: Any responsibilities come with it?
Jim: No, not exactly.
Charles: Do you want to keep this made up position? It's important to you?
Jim: All right. I will just- I will let you get back to it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Cancelled, my 15th anniversary party. Just pulled the rug out from under me. He said, "no figs". I've already bought them. And I don't have a place to store them. So I feel like I've been sort of boned.
David: Michael.
Michael Scott: Did you talk to him about this? You've talked to him all day, obviously. Did you talk to him about this?
David: Well, I didn't know about the figs, specifically-
Michael Scott: Well, okay, then I don't get it. It doesn't make any sense to me. Because I thought in the new system, that I was supposed to talk to Charles and then Charles was supposed to talk to you, and that will dilute any need for me to ever talk to you again.
David: That's not exactly the new system.
Michael Scott: Clearly, that's what you wanted.
David: No.
Michael Scott: Fifteen years I've been here and I have sacrificed a lot.
David: Yes.
Michael Scott: I've put having a family on hold.
David: We didn't ask you to do that.
Michael Scott: And I've never gone hang-gliding. And I've never driven my car to the top of Mount Washington.

Quote from Jim

Jim: And for my next trick, I will make my career disappear.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I don't understand that, after 15 years of service here, I have to get in the car and drive to New York in order to talk to you. That doesn't seem right to me. That doesn't seem fair. And I think that I've earned more than that.
David: Yep. You're right. Yes. I get it. I get it, Michael. Here's what I'm gonna do. We will move some money around, and I will personally see to it that you have your party. You'll have your figs. I will be in attendance, it's gonna be great. How's that?
Michael Scott: [shaking David's hand] I quit.
David: What? Michael?
Michael Scott: You have no idea how high I can fly.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I don't know. Is it classy enough?
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim, enough with the classy, okay? I just feel like after 15 years at this company- bravo, by the way - that we should celebrate with a classy event, a night to remember.
Michael Scott: I think you're right. This party has to have all the excitement, drama, and intrigue of my time here.
Jim: And of course, classy.
Michael Scott: And classy, yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, you're just agreeing with him cause he's wearing a tux. Don't you see what he's doing here?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Last week, Dwight sent out a memo about the dress code so this is me showing him that I'm taking it very seriously.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, here's one. A string quartet playing "classy-cal" music. [Jim grimaces, Michael follows]
Michael Scott: You know, that's good, but it's not classy. I- I need something classy, like the opening of a car dealership.
Jim: That's it. Or Mr. Peanut.
Dwight K. Schrute: Mr. Peanut is not classy.
Dwight K. Schrute: He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle, and a top hat.
Michael Scott: That's what makes him classy.

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, how about this? An ice sculpture shaped like you, covered in chocolate, covered strawberries.
Jim: Oh, Dwight, you're trying too hard, and that's just not classy. See, the thing about classy is it's a state of mind.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, I'm sorry, I just don't know what classy is then.
Jim: Okay, well then, let's try this one on for size. And I apologize, because it's right off the top of my head: An ice sculpture of you, completely surrounded by chocolate-covered fruits.
Michael Scott: Strawberries?
Jim: That's inspired.
Dwight K. Schrute: I said that! [storms out]
Pam: Not classy.
Michael Scott: Not classy at all.
Jim: Déclassé.
Michael Scott: French! Classy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here, I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department.
Charles: Hey, I come from accounting, too.
Michael Scott: Oh, wow. Nerd alert. This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino. And he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart. But he didn't bring any of that into work. It did not affect his job performance whatsoever. And I'm very proud of him for that.
Charles: Hey, Oscar. It's good to meet you.
Michael Scott: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange.
Andy: Hey-o!
Michael Scott: Hey-o! Where's the other?
Charles: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
Michael Scott: Well, perfect. Because we have now arrived at Kevin, and he has no sexual history.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have. Thrilled.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.
David: What gave you that idea?
Michael Scott: It was my understanding.
David: I see.
Michael Scott: Why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: [on the phone] Look, Michael. Charles is very qualified. Get to know him. I really think the two of you are gonna make a great team.
Michael Scott: But the branch is still mine?
David: You're still the branch manager, yes. And if you need anything else at all, just let Charles know.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ask about the party.
Michael Scott: Right. Are you coming to my 15th anniversary party?
David: I'll give it my best shot.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, the other thing.
Michael Scott: If we hired Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with the year-end tax stuff? [silence]
Dwight K. Schrute: You think he hung up?
David: No.

Quote from Michael Scott

Charles: Hey everyone, lunch is on me today.
Angela: That is so unnecessary.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me with this? On the day that I bring in breakfast?
Charles: It's no big deal.
Michael Scott: I wish you had told us sooner. Because I was going to go to the vending machine and get an egg salad.
Charles: You still have that option.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You say, "no more parties," and then you spend money on lunch. I think it's a little "hypercritical".
Charles: I do this for every branch I go to. If you do not like it, then I think there are some bagels left over from this morning.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Damn it, Stephanie, put me through to him. Is that him in the background? David? David? Pick up the phone.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Should I seduce him?
Angela: No, no one wants to see that.

Quote from Pam

Pam: And then out of that cake pops another stripper holding a smaller cake and then an even smaller stripper pops out of that one.
Michael Scott: What is that smaller stripper holding?
Pam: A cupcake. It's cupcakes and strippers all the way down.

Quote from Michael Scott

Charles: Excuse me, guys. What's going on in here?
Michael Scott: Party planning committee. Not your concern, Charles.
Charles: This doesn't seem like a good way to spend company time.
Michael Scott: Really? Well, then how would we come up with great ideas like Jim's? Go ahead.
Jim: No, I would like to get back to work, actually.
Charles: What you got, Jim? [reading] What is a two-way petting zoo?
Jim: You pet the animals, they pet you back.
Michael Scott: It's a great idea. And we have a cake in the shape of a bale of hay.
Pam: It's just a regular-shaped cake.
Michael Scott: But it's cool...

Quote from Michael Scott

Charles: Okay, Michael, I'm dissolving this committee.
Michael Scott: What?
Charles: I mean, come on, this is a work place. It isn't designed for your vanity.
Michael Scott: News flash: I've been here for 15 years. Headline: you have been here one day. End of story. You have no right to cancel my 15th anniversary party. End of story.
Charles: I don't care if I've-
Michael Scott: End of story!
Charles: -hurt your feelings or you do not agree with my methods, but it is over.
Michael Scott: Okay, no, no, no. You know what? I'm going to New York! And I am going to talk to David Wallace, I'm going to tell him everything. And I'm sorry to say you're screwed. And you know what? You are gonna be through. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do that to you.
Charles: Right.
Michael Scott: Do you even know how paper is made? It's not like steel, you don't put it into a furnace. If you put paper into a furnace, you know what would happen? You'd ruin it.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: I can see our kids facing obstacles, behind half black and half Indian but it's so worth it, you guys.
Phyllis: There's just me here.
Kelly: I am going to get him to buy me a prime rib tonight.
Phyllis: I think he left.
Kelly: What? Move! [running outside] Hello, Charles? [seeing Angela] Is that his scarf?

Quote from Angela

Angela: Charles and Kelly? Absolutely not. He is a sophisticated man. He does not need to go dumpster diving for companionship.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: Hi, can I help you?
Charles: Uh, yeah. I'm Charles Miner, here to see Michael Scott.
Pam: Sure. Just one second, please. Have a seat.
Michael Scott: [over intercom] Yes?
Pam: Michael, there's a Charles Miner here to see you.
Michael Scott: Miner? I hardly know her. [silence] Hello?
Pam: Yeah, are you coming out now?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, well, well. Who have we here? Ah, it is Prince Charles Miner. At your service. Everybody, this is Sir Charles Miner. And he is the new VP for the Northeast region, so just give it up for this big guy, right? Give it up. Here he is. There he is.
Charles: Hi, everyone.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: Really wish you would've told the new boss was coming in today.
Michael Scott: What? No, I didn't want to make everybody nervous.
Jim: Nope. I mean, I could've brought a change of clothes.
Michael Scott: You look dynamite. What are you talking about? Very slick.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's, for Charles. Took me all night.
Pam: This is what you did last night?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I met this guy at corporate last week, and we were just digging each other's vibe. I was totally grooving on him, and vice-versa. And besides, the last two people to have his job were Jan and Ryan. The former was my lover, and the latter my best friend. So who knows? I do. [in a Cockney accent] It's going to be mental. It's going to be mental.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Hey, how you doing? I'm Jim Halpert, from sales. I just wanted to say if you need anything, let me know.
Charles: Why are you wearing a tuxedo?
Jim: I didn't think you'd notice. It's funny, actually. There's another salesman out here, Dwight Schrute, he sent out this memo as he always does, and it was about professionalism in the workplace, and of course he singled me out. So I just had to mess with him. Uh. Oh, you'd understand it if you'd read the memo. There's probably one in the drawer. It was pretty crazy. But... Not more crazy than wearing a tux at work, I grant you that. So, I'm going to-
Charles: Your name's Jim?
Jim: Yep. Jim Halpert. So I'm just going to let you get back to it.

Quote from Pam

Pam: He just had to wear his tux today.
Jim: I thought it'd be funny.
Pam: Took him 40 minutes to get ready.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: My god, he's like a black George Clooney.

Quote from Michael Scott

Charles: How about I just say hi to everyone at one time?
Michael Scott: Good, good. Everyone, please give it up for Charles Miner.
Charles: Thank you, Michael. And thank you for the C-shaped bagels. That's great.
Michael Scott: Above and beyond.
Charles: You know we're in tough times and we're not immune to this economy.
Michael Scott: That's true.
Charles: But the goal is to, you know, fight our way through this.
Stanley: Stanley Hudson. Are there going to be layoffs?
Michael Scott: No, absolutely not.
Charles: Hold on, Michael. Thank you. Uh, Stanley, you know, we can't make any promises, but we'll try everything to avoid that.
Oscar: Do you have specifics?
Charles: Well, Michael should've filled you in last week.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, due to the economy, there's a lot of worry going around, I didn't want to worry people.
Charles: You didn't tell them?
Michael Scott: Why don't-
Charles: What I told Michael-
Michael Scott: Charles is gonna tell you-
Charles: is that we are cutting, which means we will no longer be matching 401k contributions. And all overtime requests will need to come through the corporate office.
Stanley: Fantastic.
Michael Scott: Well, it's not official.
Charles: It is official. It is official. And actually, guys, I'm encouraging branches to consider a freeze on discretionary spending.
Michael Scott: Such as salary benefits, et cetera. Et cetera, insurance.
Charles: No, no. Not salaries. Petty cash, supplies and, you know, parties. Things like that.
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispering] What about your party?
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I think this has been great. I think this gives us a lot to think about, doesn't it? Charles Miner, ladies and gentlemen. He has a long trip home. Thank him for coming, we have to get back to work.


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