Michael Scott: [on the phone] Michael Scott calling for David. Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.

Pam: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, Michael, come on, no. You have to charm them.
Receptionist: [answering phone] David Wallace's office.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey there, gorgeous. How you doing today?
Receptionist: I'm good, thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: How's it hanging?
Receptionist: All right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good. Listen. My name is Michael Scotch. And I just wanted to say that I've got David Wallace's son in the trunk of my car. If he doesn't get on this phone in five seconds-
Michael Scott: What are you doing? God! Oh, my God!

Dwight K. Schrute: Originally founded in 1866, Scranton quickly became one of Pennsylvania's largest anthracite coal mining communities.

Michael Scott: I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better. And I agree. So, what I would like you to do is, tell me something that you've never told anybody before.
Charles: No.
Michael Scott: Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before?
Charles: Saticoy Steel.
Michael Scott: Beautiful. See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names.
Charles: No, I worked at a company called Saticoy Steel.

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, since it is your 15th anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a 15-minute round of applause.
Michael Scott: I like it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Followed by a 15-minute moment of silence.

Jim: I don't know. Is it classy enough?
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim, enough with the classy, okay? I just feel like after 15 years at this company- bravo, by the way - that we should celebrate with a classy event, a night to remember.
Michael Scott: I think you're right. This party has to have all the excitement, drama, and intrigue of my time here.
Jim: And of course, classy.
Michael Scott: And classy, yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, you're just agreeing with him cause he's wearing a tux. Don't you see what he's doing here?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Last week, Dwight sent out a memo about the dress code so this is me showing him that I'm taking it very seriously.

Michael Scott: Cancelled, my 15th anniversary party. Just pulled the rug out from under me. He said, "no figs". I've already bought them. And I don't have a place to store them. So I feel like I've been sort of boned.
David: Michael.
Michael Scott: Did you talk to him about this? You've talked to him all day, obviously. Did you talk to him about this?
David: Well, I didn't know about the figs, specifically-
Michael Scott: Well, okay, then I don't get it. It doesn't make any sense to me. Because I thought in the new system, that I was supposed to talk to Charles and then Charles was supposed to talk to you, and that will dilute any need for me to ever talk to you again.
David: That's not exactly the new system.
Michael Scott: Clearly, that's what you wanted.
David: No.
Michael Scott: Fifteen years I've been here and I have sacrificed a lot.
David: Yes.
Michael Scott: I've put having a family on hold.
David: We didn't ask you to do that.
Michael Scott: And I've never gone hang-gliding. And I've never driven my car to the top of Mount Washington.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, here's one. A string quartet playing "classy-cal" music. [Jim grimaces, Michael follows]
Michael Scott: You know, that's good, but it's not classy. I- I need something classy, like the opening of a car dealership.
Jim: That's it. Or Mr. Peanut.
Dwight K. Schrute: Mr. Peanut is not classy.
Dwight K. Schrute: He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle, and a top hat.
Michael Scott: That's what makes him classy.

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, how about this? An ice sculpture shaped like you, covered in chocolate, covered strawberries.
Jim: Oh, Dwight, you're trying too hard, and that's just not classy. See, the thing about classy is it's a state of mind.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, I'm sorry, I just don't know what classy is then.
Jim: Okay, well then, let's try this one on for size. And I apologize, because it's right off the top of my head: An ice sculpture of you, completely surrounded by chocolate-covered fruits.
Michael Scott: Strawberries?
Jim: That's inspired.
Dwight K. Schrute: I said that! [storms out]
Pam: Not classy.
Michael Scott: Not classy at all.
Jim: Déclassé.
Michael Scott: French! Classy.