Stanley: Andy's from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attack?

Darryl: I just think you're going into this a little fast.
Andy: I'm 38, Darryl, how much slower should I go?
Darryl: Show business is cold. Let's say you get a job, which you probably won't. They're not gonna cut you any slack. You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack.

Creed: I think just about anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here, but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole.

Phyllis: Andy sings beautifully. And he's really good at dancing. He's a good speaker. But there's just something there you don't want to look at.

Kevin: Ooh, there's a great play about a salesman.
Andy: "Death of a Salesman".
Kevin: I don't think so.
Andy: Sure, "Death of a Salesman" by Arthur Miller, it's a great play about crushed dreams.
Kevin: No, this one was written by Spongebob Squarepants.

David: Attention, everyone, just a quick announcement. Little reconfiguration to the staff. Dwight Schrute—
Dwight K. Schrute: David. Can I just do one thing while you're making this announcement and then I'll never, ever do it again?
David: I don't think so.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's just one thing. Just let me—let me do this—
David: Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Come on. What I was about to say was Dwight- [phone buzzes] Oh, I'm sorry, I gotta- This'll be a second, sorry.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just wait and send it to voicemail.
David: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Come on. Come on.
David: [on the phone] Then we'll get him a new set of drums.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. [climbs up on desk] Dwight Schrute is manager!

Andy: How did I just abandon my dreams so quickly? It's cause I had a fallback. That's the problem. When you have fallbacks, it's just easy to give up. When Cortez landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats. So they could never return home. Huge dick move but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself.

Dwight K. Schrute: Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. [kicking and punching] Basher, Thrasher, Crasher and—
Jim: Smasher!
Dwight K. Schrute: Smasher? No, where'd you get that? Fireball. This morning, after hours of combat with some of the city's best teenagers, I earned my black belt in Goju Ryu martial arts.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I had to find a new dojo after Sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, Sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out, Sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt.

Dwight K. Schrute: So...
Jim: So.
Dwight K. Schrute: I wanted to offer you a new position.
Jim: Let's hear it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Assistant regional manager.
Jim: Nope. Can't accept that job. It's not a real job.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim.
Jim: I'll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job and one I'd be proud to take.
Dwight K. Schrute: Shake on it? Pfft. Done. Way to negotiate, idiot.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Don't get me wrong, I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus.

Angela: Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a Baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. I felt like I was flying.