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‘Livin' the Dream’ Quotes

The Office: Livin' the Dream

921. Livin' the Dream

Aired May 2, 2013

As Andy decides to pursue a career as a professional entertainer, David Wallace makes some personnel changes. Meanwhile, Jim returns to the office from Philadelphia, and Dwight finally gets something he's been working towards for years: his black belt.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Andy's from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attack?

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Quote from Creed

Creed: I think just about anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here, but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole.

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: Andy sings beautifully. And he's really good at dancing. He's a good speaker. But there's just something there you don't want to look at.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: I just think you're going into this a little fast.
Andy: I'm 38, Darryl, how much slower should I go?
Darryl: Show business is cold. Let's say you get a job, which you probably won't. They're not gonna cut you any slack. You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Ooh, there's a great play about a salesman.
Andy: "Death of a Salesman".
Kevin: I don't think so.
Andy: Sure, "Death of a Salesman" by Arthur Miller, it's a great play about crushed dreams.
Kevin: No, this one was written by Spongebob Squarepants.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

David: Attention, everyone, just a quick announcement. Little reconfiguration to the staff. Dwight Schrute—
Dwight K. Schrute: David. Can I just do one thing while you're making this announcement and then I'll never, ever do it again?
David: I don't think so.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's just one thing. Just let me—let me do this—
David: Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Come on. What I was about to say was Dwight- [phone buzzes] Oh, I'm sorry, I gotta- This'll be a second, sorry.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just wait and send it to voicemail.
David: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Come on. Come on.
David: [on the phone] Then we'll get him a new set of drums.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. [climbs up on desk] Dwight Schrute is manager!

Quote from Andy

Andy: How did I just abandon my dreams so quickly? It's cause I had a fallback. That's the problem. When you have fallbacks, it's just easy to give up. When Cortez landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats. So they could never return home. Huge dick move but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. [kicking and punching] Basher, Thrasher, Crasher and—
Jim: Smasher!
Dwight K. Schrute: Smasher? No, where'd you get that? Fireball. This morning, after hours of combat with some of the city's best teenagers, I earned my black belt in Goju Ryu martial arts.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I had to find a new dojo after Sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, Sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out, Sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt.

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: So...
Jim: So.
Dwight K. Schrute: I wanted to offer you a new position.
Jim: Let's hear it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Assistant regional manager.
Jim: Nope. Can't accept that job. It's not a real job.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim.
Jim: I'll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job and one I'd be proud to take.
Dwight K. Schrute: Shake on it? Pfft. Done. Way to negotiate, idiot.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Don't get me wrong, I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a Baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. I felt like I was flying.

Quote from David

David: This isn't going to be an easy conversation. I told Andy that he was on very thin ice when he snuck away from three months to the Caribbean. Then last week he used company money to buy a top-of-the-line photo printer. In his words, "The kind that's good for head shots." And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed it's gonna boost office morale. Now, he's a good guy. But honestly, at some point, the ice gets too thin and you fall through. And that is when you get fired.

Quote from Andy

Andy: The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel, that's chick stuff. So instead of saying, "Hey, Andy, I love you, man. I don't want you to leave." You say something like, "Hey, Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented." Well... right back at you, Darryl.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I don't know. You know who's really funny? This bird, in the park, that can't fly right. I'd pay to see him. But I don't have to 'cause the park is free!

Quote from Oscar

Angela: So is your place all bachelor-slobby and gross?
Oscar: No, it's neat and tastefully appointed, like most gay men's homes. The stereotype holds up.

Quote from Angela

Angela: I wouldn't know. I never lived with a gay guy.
Oscar: Angela, you just were-
Angela: [sobbing] I love him.
Oscar: I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. You- You can't—
Angela: No, not the senator. I love Dwight.

Quote from Erin

David: Hey, Erin. Is Andy in?
Erin: Oh, "is Andy in"? Sorry, I thought you said "is Indian" and was like, "Is Indian what?" Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes, to all three, by the way.

Quote from Andy

Andy: A-bridge, a-burnt. No turning back now. Everybody, [holding guitar] Lorelei and I would like to say thank you and goodbye the only way we know how.
Nellie: Oh, good lord.
Stanley: Can't you just leave?
Jim: You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice goodbye.
Andy: Tuna, I'm a performer. And perform I shall. [plays guitar and sings ‘I Will Remember You':] I will remember you, Will you remember me?, Don't let your life, pass you by, and weep not for the memories, Remember all the good times, that we had, I let them slip away from us, when things got bad, How clearly I first saw you, smilin' in the sun, Want to feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one, I will remember you, Will you remember me?, Don't let your life, pass you by, and weep not for the memories, Don't let your life, pass you by, and weep not for the memories.

Quote from Pam

Jim: I'm taking some time off from work- well, my other work - because we needed it.
Pam: It's great.
Jim: It's great.
Pam: The phone's been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts.
Jim: But that doesn't matter. This does. It's the only thing that matters. We've had some really nice days together.
Pam: Nice morning, too.
Jim: Beesly! Oh, my god.

Quote from Angela

Oscar: Is everything okay?
Angela: No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats.
Kevin: Wait, all of them?
Angela: Two sacks' worth. Apparently, my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Philip up from daycare, they came. They came into my house.
Oscar: That's- That's awful, Angela. I'm so sorry.
Angela: It's the [bleep] that lives downstairs. She's this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type.
Kevin: I've never met anyone like that.
Angela: And they're gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone.
Oscar: Angela, you still have your son.
Angela: I guess.

Quote from Andy

David: Andy-
Andy: I'm gonna stop you right there. David, this documentary is going to air in two weeks. I feel like it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue my dream.
David: Uh-huh, but-
Andy: Every minute that I spend here is time not spent making audition videos for reality dating, cooking or singing shows. I got a real shot here. And I'll never be able to forgive myself if I blew it because I was too focused on my stupid paper company job. No offense.
David: So you think you've been too focused on your job?
Andy: At my last head shot sitting, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany.
David: So you- You want to quit Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting?
Andy: Well, no, actually. I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind. Could be singing, could be dancing. I don't- It just- I owe it to myself and my future fans.
David: Uh, well, I guess I can't stand in the way of a man's dream. And it seems like you have the gift.
Andy: Thank you, David.
David: There's probably no way I can talk you into staying at this point, can I?
Andy: Nope. I have made up my mind. I'm really sorry.
David: Well, good luck.
Andy: Thank you. Not gonna need it.
David Wallace: Okay.
[aside to camera:]
David: Well, that kind of worked out.

Quote from Clark

Jim: Okay. The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk if that's okay with you.
Clark: That's fine with me. Have fun. But be careful, it is very easy to get lost in Pete's beautiful, dead eyes.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Sensei: I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts.
Dwight K. Schrute: He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts!
Sensei: It's not a large room, I think they heard me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself.
Sensei:That's really okay. I'm mostly focused on the belt here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just slip it off my- Slip it off my hips.
Sensei: Hold it. Take a step back. Take a step back. Okay, okay. I can't- I can't do this if you're gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think we're gonna have to cut this off.
Dwight K. Schrute: He will now perform the ceremonial cutting-off-of-the-belt.

Quote from David

David: Sensei, do you generally do house calls like this?
Sensei: Uh, you can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world.
David: He said that? He's an odd guy, isn't he?
Sensei: Yes. Irritating, also yes. But I gotta hand it to him, he's one of the most tenacious and determined men I've ever met.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Clark: Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to hang out with Pam.
Dwight K. Schrute: You did not just say that! You don't know Pam. She is really cool.
Clark: All I'm saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the manager's chair. And I thought you wanted that job.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It's out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I'd be happy to see Jim as manager.

Quote from Jim

David: So, the reason that I called you in here is because Andy is moving on.
Jim: Again.
David: Again! And I'm looking for a new manager. And with his performance this year, I have been considering Dwight. Am I crazy?
Jim: Not at all. It should be Dwight.
David: You sure?
Jim: You're gonna want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but, uh...
David: Yeah.
Jim: Hey, if there is someone out there who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: No, I don't think that he can make it as an actor. But, he also can't make it as an employee in an office, so why not go nuts with it?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Aspirin? You wanna get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Hello.
Andy: Well, hello.
Dwight K. Schrute: Big day for you.
Andy: Big day for you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you.
Andy: Love the belt.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, yes.
Andy: You know, I don't know anything about karate but I have broken a few boards in my day. Diving boards, at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-dog's outta here, so letting it all hang out!
Dwight K. Schrute: This is exciting! You're finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings.
Andy: Thank you, I appreciate that. ‘cause a lot of people are saying I might not make it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, I doubt you'll make it. Very few do who've tried to be a star. But, listen, you've saved up enough money to take a couple of years off to pursue your dream and have some fun, right?
Andy: No, I just applied for more overdraft protection.
Dwight K. Schrute: Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years, I have seen you perform. Dear God, don't quit your day job.

Quote from Erin

Andy: Erin. Honest Erin, cannot tell a lie. We lay together. That's something you can't take back.
Erin: So true. Is there a question, or are... What?
Andy: Will you tell me bluntly, do you think I am making a terrible mistake quitting my job to become an actor?
Erin: Bluntly? Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless. Or maybe even starve.
Andy: Thank you.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Say it again.
David: Will you be the new manager?
Dwight K. Schrute: Where?
David: Where?
Dwight K. Schrute: What branch?
David: Here. Scranton. [Dwight falls to his knees] Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Let's go. It's good news.
Dwight K. Schrute: [sobbing] I'm sorry. I've just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun.
David: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: But this isn't interim manager. No. It's Dwight K. Schrute... [pulls a business card out of his wallet] Manager.
David: Why do you already have this?
Dwight K. Schrute: In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David.
David: I know.
Dwight K. Schrute: I will never, ever let you down.
David: I know, Dwight. I know. [holds out hand, instead Dwight hugs him] Okay. Okay. All righty. You're gonna do great.

Quote from Meredith

Andy: Hey, everybody, I changed my mind. Not leaving. I'm gonna stay on in sales.
Nellie: Oh, thank God. Because sales could be your best role yet.
Meredith: Hey, good choice, man. Seriously. Don't want to see you in a porn next year.
Andy: Okay.

Quote from Erin

Pete: See, so you just push from under, and turn it around, and boom. No the staple crimps outward.
Erin: I had no idea. And here I've been stapling the same way for 20 years like a frickin' sheep.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Toby! Hey, I changed my mind again. I am gonna leave Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting after all.
Toby: Okay, then, Andy.
Andy: Yeah, but here's the thing. I can't have good old Dunder Mifflin to fall back on or else I'll never succeed. Gotta burn those boats! So I need you to go into my file and put down that I was fired for theft and/or groping wieners.
Toby: Andy, you know I can't do that. It'd be lying.
Andy: Seriously?
Toby: Yeah, I'm—
Andy: Come on, just do it.
Toby: I can't.
Andy: All right, fine. Just know that you made me do this. [starts touching Toby's thighs]
Toby: [fending Andy off] Oh, come on. Andy, no.
Andy: God, Toby, don't. Stop blocking my hand.
Toby: No, no.
Andy: This is your- You brought this on.
Toby: No, no. Andy.
Andy: Okay, all right. Groped you good. Off to Hollywood!

Quote from Angela

Angela: [answering phone] This is Angela. Oh. Hello, Miss Polodnikovski. Uh, how can I help you? Did my rent check not clear? Because I just transferred another $25 to that account. So if there's a problem it's clearly on your end. And... Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. Good. Then... um... what is this about? No, no. Hey, hey! No, you are out of line Miss Polodnikovski. No, no you are. No you are! Evicted? Fine! I didn't want to live in that cesspool anyway! Listen, I get my security deposit back. Yes, I do. This is not fair! That is not fair! Well, you know what? You have so many hairs on your chin that Animal Control should've taken you away. That is very unladylike! You are disgusting! [leaves]
Kevin: [to Oscar] What do you think that was about?

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar.
Angela: Well, I've changed my mind.
Oscar: Wait a minute. You're not thinking of living in -
Angela: Oh, God, could you just mind your own business?
Oscar: Okay, I'm just gonna say this. You are not going to live in a tent.
Angela: Oh, God.
Oscar: Come stay with me.
Angela: You don't want me at your place.
Oscar: I do. Yes. Not forever. But until you get back on your feet. Which won't be long. It's the least I could do.
Angela: Well...
Oscar: Separate bathrooms.
Angela: Thank you.
Oscar: You're welcome. Let's go get Philip. Then we'll get your stuff...
Angela: Okay.
Oscar: And get you the hell outta that place.
Angela: Are you allowed to have pets?
Oscar: Oh, Angela.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Yesterday I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. It really is amazing how your life can change in one day.


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