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‘Whistleblower’ Quotes

The Office: Whistleblower

626. Whistleblower

Aired May 20, 2010

Jo is determined to identify the whisteblower who told the press about the faulty Sabre printers, leaving Michael wondering how to protect his employees.

Quote from Jo

Jo: When Mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing, she'd ask one question: What do we do when we find the guilty party? And if they said, "Come down on him with that swift hammer of justice!", innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said "Officer Bessie, well they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah", well nine times out of ten, that's the anus they'd check.

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Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Woof is a site that I'm launching to be the last word in social networking. For just $12.99 a month, Woof links up all your communication portals so you are always within reach. It's part of the dog pack, as I call it. But, look, why tell you when I can show you. [types on his phone] I just sent myself a Woof. [fax machine starts printing, windows pop up on Ryan's computer with "woof" sounds]
Erin: [on phone] Ryan, you have a Woof on line 1.
Ryan: Thank you, Erin. Woof!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: We at Sabre have betrayed the trust that we have built with our customers. We regret our slow response and our lapse in candor and judgment. At this time, we are issuing a full recall of all Sabre GH400 printers. We will not rest until this problem is solved. There will be no questions. Are there any questions?

Quote from Michael Scott

Jo: When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there... and they'd make a Barbie out of me.
Michael Scott: Hmm, hmm.
Jo: I hate that I sell cheap printers, I do. But if I have to go out there in front of the press and make one of them public apology recalls, I mean, it's all I'll ever be remembered for. Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.
Michael Scott: You know, I would be willing, under the right circumstances, to do that for you.
Jo: Oh honey, surely you don't want that.
Michael Scott: I, I surely do, and don't call me honey. [Jo laughs] Airplane II.

Quote from Andy

Michael Scott: Jo, Jo, I can assure you it was no one in this office.
Jo: Can you now?
Michael Scott: Absolutely. Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand.
Phyllis: [quietly, to Andy] Put your hand up, Norma Rae.
Andy: If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: So unfair. Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money. Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. [sings] Old Mr. Bernard, old Mr. Bernard, who have you silenced today?

Quote from Michael Scott

Angela: Everybody knows it was Andy, and it is not fair for us all to take the fall for his big stupid mouth!
Michael Scott: Ridiculous, Angela. And like I'm going to believe one of his "spermed" lovers.

Quote from Jo

Jo: Y'all no doubt know why I'm here.
Kevin: No.
Jo: Turns out our printers are famous. They're all over the news. It's an interesting story. Cheap foreign printers attacking innocent Americans. Well, actually the, the real story isn't quite as racy, but uh... let's give it a go.
Kevin: Jo, I think that I know what happened.
Jo: I'm not sure you do, teddy bear.
Kevin: Well, now I think I might not.
Jo: Not long ago, we discovered a defect in one of our printers, so we got a software patch and fixed it right up, just like that. I don't know how it works. But just as we were about to send out a letter to our affected customers, giving 'em free toner, and we keep 'em, happy. But somebody here, they liked that first story better. The one where we lose half our clients for no damn good reason! Whoever it was who talked to the press, they should come forward, please.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: [opening door] Hey guys, sorry I'm late.
Pam: We're not going for yogurt.
Michael Scott: It's okay, she's cool. She also whistle-blew.
Kelly: Guys, I couldn't help it, it is so boring where we work. I mean, it's as interesting as a morgue. It might be less interesting than a morgue.
Michael Scott: Hey, hey, it's as interesting as a morgue.
[aside to camera:]
Kelly: Of course I'm the leak! I think I tweeted it! I can't control what I say to people, I spend the whole day talking! I mean, I video chat, I Skype, I text, I Tweet, I phone, I Woof...

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I basically swore up and down that none of my employees did it, and then I find out that one of my best ones did. And now he's probably going to get fired for it. And if that is not poetic justice, I don't know what is.

Quote from David

David: I may have heard from an old client, and I may have immediately started spreading the news to other clients and potential clients, yeah. But I'm not here to talk about that. I am here to talk about Suck It. Suck it-

Quote from Michael Scott

Jo: Honey, you don't seem like your normal self.
Michael Scott: Well, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch.
Jo: Mama Jo knew there was something up.
Michael Scott: Whole year, actually. My favorite restaurant closed down.
Jo: Oh, I hate that.
Michael Scott: And my new favorite restaurant sucks. I bought a video camera last year, and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only like twelve minutes that I felt was worth taping the whole year. And most of that was just birds in my condo complex. What is that? ... I miss Holly.
Jo: Who's Holly?
Michael Scott: Holly Flax from the Nashua branch. Best HR rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen. It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Apparently, there are allegations that Sabre printers can cause a fire. So they asked me to give a statement to the press. I'm like, what? All right. So I do it. It's on TV last night. And it's in the paper today. And it's online. And then I call Froggy 98.7, the request line. I talk to the host about it on the air. It's like, come on, people, enough.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Everybody, we are at DEFCON 5. I am officially the second-most watched clip of the day on the WBRE news site.
Oscar: What's number one?
Michael Scott: Oh, that teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again! I would like you all to go to the website and watch my clip eleven times.
Jim: So instead of working, you want...
Michael Scott: Yes.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jo: It's a little form, says "I did not do it."
Michael Scott: There is no reason for anyone here to sign this, because I know everything there is to know about these people. I know when their birthdays are, I know what their favorite kind of cake is, I know what color streamers they like...
Jo: All that's just birthday information, Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes, yes, but it shows a bigger picture.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jo: So say we catch this whistleblower, what do you think I should do with him?
Michael Scott: We should give him a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, where they keep all the al-Qaeda.
Jo: Uh, that's, uh, Guantanamo Bay.
Michael Scott: Yes. You put them in jail for a long time, you put them in jail for as long as you can.
Jo: Well, I guess we're all right, Michael.
Michael Scott: I want these people to really pay, I want them to suffer. I'd prefer it if they died, 'cause it's not right.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Nick: Hey, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, IT guy.
Nick: Mind if I get in there for a second?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, sure thing, go ahead.
Nick: Just one... [Dwight pushes Nick's head down onto the desk and holds his arm up behind him] Gah! Ah! Dwight, what the hell?
Dwight K. Schrute: Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell! What are you doing to my computer?
Oscar: The lawyers are searching our hard drives for information on the leak. Thanks a lot, Big Brother.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're with Big Brother? Okay, go ahead. I got nothing to hide.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jo: Okay, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hold that thought. I don't want to waste your time, and I wouldn't dare waste mine. I didn't do it. Now, I don't know exactly who did it, but I have a list right here... You should fire the following people.
Jo: Well, I'm inclined to believe you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why would I disparage a company that has made me rich beyond my wildest dreams?
Jo: Yeah, I noticed you've had a great year. Good boy. You turning that money into more money?
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you referring to alchemy?
Jo: I don't like to tell a man what to do with his money, but if you ain't investing in property, then you're dumber than a dummy.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not dumb. I'm smart.
Jo: Well, buy property. That's my advice.

Quote from Toby

Jo: Sounds like you were as blindsided by this as I was.
Toby: Well, that's...
Jo: And we didn't find anything on your computer.
Toby: Good.
Jo: Except this. [hands stack of paper to Toby]
Toby: Oh, wow, this is, uh, just a mystery novel that I've been working on.
Jo: I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid?
Toby: Oh, uh, I don't know. Uh...
Jo: The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself, or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.
Toby: Oh... yes.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: Write your own damn novel.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You leaked it?
Pam: I don't know what to do! Do I go tell Jo, or- I don't want everyone to keep blaming the wrong person!
Michael Scott: I don't know what the best plan is, Pam. Oh, God, my mind is going a mile an hour.
Pam: That fast?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Two whistleblowers. Two! I always thought Darryl and Pam might get me fired for something I said.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [answering cell phone] Dwight Schrute.
Realtor: The property you're looking at is in great shape. By the way, it has a very spacious basement office.
Dwight K. Schrute: Basement office? You mean like a lair?

Quote from Creed

Andy: Gabe, I told you all about the printers.
Jim: I mean, it could be you, Gabe. I mean, that's the point.
Pam: Yes, it's totally obvious.
Creed: I think we all can agree that it's either Gabe or Angela. [flips a coin] It's Angela. Get her, boys.

Quote from Jim

Nick: Hey guys, uh, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone. Through Teach for America, I'm going to go down to Detroit and teach, uh, inner city kids about computers.
Gabe: Uh, not now.
Nick: Oh yeah, it's just that my friends are in the car waiting, so I thought I would...
Stanley: [quietly] Phyllis, what's this guy's name again?
Phyllis: I don't know, is it Shadow or Garth, it's something weird, I...
Nick: My name is Nick.
Angela: Okay, well, Nick, we're in a meeting.
Nick: Okay, look, I get it, people. I'm the lame IT guy, and everybody hates me.
Jim: Hey, listen man, you can't take it personally.
Nick: You called me man? I just said my name just now, did you forget it already?
Jim: No... sport.

Quote from Andy

Nick: You, you guys have fifteen parties a week, you can't learn my name?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey IT guy. Here's the story, champ. None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay? We liked the last guy, Sadiq, because he kept to himself, and we also thought he might have been a terrorist. You know what, I'm going to leave you with one other thought. Inner city kids use computers for two things, games and porn. So good luck wasting your life, lurch.
Nick: Thank you so much for that. I saw all your hard drives, and guess what? [to Ryan] You're not a photographer. [to Kelly] And you definitely can't fit into a size two. Darryl, man, you're on Facebook. Why you been telling people you're not on Facebook? People want to be your friend, man! All right? And you. [to Andy] This guy, you're the one who told the press. You wrote an e-mail to the editor. I saw it, and I also saw a QuickTime movie of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. This guy's the snitch, he's the snitch. So that's it, check it out. [gives the finger]
Andy: You're going to believe that guy?

Quote from Andy

Andy: Look, I didn't want houses and schools to burn down, and children to die. Does that make me a hero? I...
Kevin: [o.s.] No, it does not!
Andy: Well, it doesn't make me the worst guy in the world, either.
Angela: [o.s.] It does!

Quote from Jo

Jo: Hey, I appreciate you reading that statement. You looked pretty up there.
Michael Scott: That was fun.
Jo: I hope your rough patch ends soon.
Michael Scott: Thanks. Today helped.
Jo: Well, give me a shout if I can brighten your life.
Michael Scott: Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua.
Jo: Let me see what I can do.


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