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‘The Meeting’ Quotes

The Office: The Meeting

602. The Meeting

Aired September 24, 2009

Michael wonders what's going on when David Wallace has a private meeting with Jim. Meanwhile, Dwight and Toby team up for some detective work after Darryl makes a worker's comp claim.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: And what about Jim? Do you think Jim is someone who's ready to move into a management position?
Michael Scott: Permission to speak on the record.
David: Please, do.
Michael Scott: Jim is like Big Bird. He is tall and yellow and very nice. But would I put him in charge? No, I don't think so. Big Bird doesn't make the tough decisions. If I was going to put someone in charge, I would put Bert in charge. Or I would put one of the real grown-ups in charge, like Maria. Or Gordon, maybe.

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Am I worried that Jim and David are having a meeting without me? Because we are the Three Amigos. And once in a while, one of the amigos will go off to the bathroom while the other two have a secret meeting.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: I was rushing to fill an order. I put the ladder up to grab a box of three-hole from the top shelf. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground, ladder's on top of me.
Toby: And that's how you broke your ankle?
Darryl: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm. Interesting. How did the ladder end up on top of you if you fell off of it?
Darryl: This doesn't concern you, man. You need to walk away.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, really? I'm sorry. I thought this was a free country. I didn't know we were in communist Sweden.
Darryl: If we were living in Sweden, I wouldn't have to worry about this because we'd have universal health care.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's not- Okay-
Darryl: Be quiet.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I tried to keep Michael in the dark. I should have known that he can do just as much damage in the dark.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What is Jim telling him? That I can't handle this job? That is bull crap. That is bull crap. Although it has been chaotic lately. Corporate shut down the Buffalo branch, which left us to absorb all of their clients. I will tell you, there has been work every day. Had to come in on a Saturday to retrieve I left my cell phone here.

Quote from Pam

Pam: We invited everyone in the office to our wedding, even though we realized most people wouldn't be able to make the drive to Niagara Falls. [quietly] Which is why we're having it in Niagara Falls. Then Michael told everyone they could have Friday and Monday off if they came. So now people have to decide if they want to come to our wedding or have to work.

Quote from Michael Scott

Oscar: You wanted to see me?
Michael Scott: Yes, Oscar, come on in. Close the door, if you would. Thanks so much for talking to me.
Oscar: Yeah, sure.
Michael Scott: I'm going in for a procedure today.
Oscar: Is everything okay?
Michael Scott: Yeah. It's routine. I'm just a little bit scared. I'm sure everything will be fine.
Oscar: What's the procedure, if you don't mind my asking?
Michael Scott: It is a colonoscopy. In your experience, what should I be expecting in terms of sensation or emotions? Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Chaudry?
Oscar: Oh, my God.
Michael Scott: My main concern is should I have a safe word?

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: Let me escort you to your desk.
Pam: Well, it's just three or four steps, but thank you.
Michael Scott: You and Jim are close, huh?
Pam: Yeah, I think the pregnancy really brought us together.

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: Hey, what do you think he and David are talking about?
Pam: Uh, I don't know.
Michael Scott: You said good luck to Jim as he walked in.
Pam: Did I? Doesn't sound like me. I'm not very superstitious.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: If you're lying to me right now, Pam, your baby is gonna come out a liar. That's how it works. They inherit things through the breast milk.
Pam: Please don't talk about my breast milk.
Michael Scott: I just don't want you to lie to me. I don't want you to ever lie to me. Have I ever lied to you?
Pam: Yeah.
Michael Scott: I just don't want you to.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: He's lying.
Toby: He has a doctor's note.
Dwight K. Schrute: From who, Dr. J? You really need to investigate this. People don't just fall off of ladders.
Toby: Guy on my street fell off his ladder painting his house. It was on the news.
Dwight K. Schrute: Since when have you known Darryl to rush to do anything other than to come up here for birthday cake? "Y'all having birthday cake?"
Toby: That's not a very good Darryl.
Dwight K. Schrute: Please. And how many foremen do you know that pull boxes? It just doesn't add up.

Quote from Toby

Toby: Well, we did a little investigation, and Dwight had a good point. The ladder didn't reach the top shelf. I don't know if I believe it, but I am a fan of the hardboiled detective novel. "I'll punch you into mush, see?"

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Wallace had to show up on the one four-month period that I'm completely overwhelmed.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know when they say it's so crazy it just might work? Well, I don't believe that. I say go for the airtight plan. And that is why I am having Andy wheel me into the conference room inside a makeshift cheese cart. It is just... elegant.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Pardonnez-moi, monsieur. I took the liberty of preparing for you a cheese platter, which I will place here on the eastern wall of the conference room.
David: Cheese platter?
Andy: Oui, oui, monsieur. From the Wisconsin region, a nice, firm cheddar. Also from the great city of Wisconsin, an aged parmesan. Here you will find a cheddar-style spread, which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind, which I think you'll find both challenging and delicious. At that point, I would recommend you take a quick trip south of the border to the great state of Illinois, where you will find this fine blue cheese dressing. If I may be so bold, it's a lot of fun to let the goldfish take a little swim in the blue cheese. Bon appetit.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Toby: It sounds like a EMD P40.
Dwight K. Schrute: Nah, that's a GE. The P40 is much higher pitched.
Toby: You're into trains?
Dwight K. Schrute: I have been my whole life. I'm rebuilding a turn-of-the-century steam engine in my slaughterhouse.
Toby: That's so cool.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah.
Toby: Wow, I'd love to take a look at that.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, it's just a run-of-the-mill slaughterhouse, but, sure, any time.
Toby: Well, you know, 'cause of the trains.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: Are you sure you're okay with these new responsibilities?
Michael Scott: Look who you're talking to.
David: Just trying to figure out the best way to utilize everyone's talents.
Michael Scott: Well, I would say that my greatest talent is being the best man, woman or child to ever run this branch. Ever.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I didn't tell Michael because I thought he'd try to help. Example: He handed out jell-o shots at the 23rd mile of the Steamtown Marathon.

Quote from Toby

Dwight K. Schrute: Now I would like to file an official complaint to corporate because Darryl lied on an official form.
Darryl: And I'm telling them you guys sexually harassed my sister.
Dwight K. Schrute: No judge is gonna believe that.
Toby: Okay, look. We could all file complaints against each other, and just drown in a sea of paperwork. But, you know, we'll just move on with our with our lives.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: So Dwight and Darryl came to an agreement that they would both file complaints with corporate, and now I got to do all this paperwork. We worked it out.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: Niagara falls in October? Hells yeah!
Pam: Do you think that you could send in your RSVP card?
Meredith: No, I'll just tell you now. Easier.
Pam: Well, you have to choose a food option, and there's information in there about directions and lodging.
Meredith: I'll just have whatever's fanciest, unless there's ribs. I'll just get the other information the day of. I'll text you.
Pam: You're going to text me the morning of my wedding to ask for directions?
Meredith: Right.
Pam: And you will eat whatever is fanciest?
Meredith: Unless there's ribs.


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