Jim: Okay, big day today. Airing of the documentary. Who's excited?
[aside to camera:]
Meredith: I'd better come out of this smelling like a rose. I've been on my best behavior for nine years. If it wasn't for the cameras, I would've done some truly vulgar crap.

Meredith: I just feel lucky that I got a chance to share my crummy story with anyone out there who thinks they're the only one to take a dump in a paper shredder. You're not alone sister. Let's get a beer sometime.

Nellie: I'm not going to rat on him. No, Andy gave me a second chance. So, the least I could do is let somebody else rat on him. Meredith, why don't you?
Meredith: Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no nark. Floozy? Yes. Alkie? Check. Einstein sarcastically? You bet. But never no nark. Vomit mop? Sure. Floor meat? That's me. Flesh hoover?
Erin: Hey!
Pete: Meredith, that's plenty. All right? That's more than plenty. Why does no one stop her?

Meredith: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.

Meredith: I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.

Meredith: Hey, what do you want? I know who I am. Nobody's taking Meredith Palmer to the opera to meet the queen.

Jim: Hey, um, I think you parked my car in. Is there any way you can move your van?
Meredith: Oh, I'm sorry. When I got here, I put my keys in a bowl.
Jim: Are you serious?

Meredith: That is something I would never do.
Michael Scott: Well, I think we all know what you're capable of Meredith.
Meredith: Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, or been used to cheat with.
[aside to camera:]
Meredith: I ask everyone in the room, "Are you in a relationship?"

Dwight K. Schrute: [Reading from computer] "Statistical correlations exist between EMF radiation and various health hazards. But mainstream studies are inconclusive!" That means you can't make me do squat.
Meredith: You better fix this. I already ditched my uterus and I ain't losing any more good parts.

Angela: There was much more secret filming than I expected. [laughs] But I am fine with it, I mean it. I am.
Oscar: Are you kidding me? It's like half the show is secret footage.
Meredith: I am a very private person. I show 'em when I wanna show 'em. Who wants a taste? [flashes camera] Boob sauce!