Meredith Palmer Quotes Page 1 of 8

Quote from A.A.R.M.

Jim: Okay, big day today. Airing of the documentary. Who's excited?
[aside to camera:]
Meredith: I'd better come out of this smelling like a rose. I've been on my best behavior for nine years. If it wasn't for the cameras, I would've done some truly vulgar crap.

Quote from Couples Discount

Nellie: I'm not going to rat on him. No, Andy gave me a second chance. So, the least I could do is let somebody else rat on him. Meredith, why don't you?
Meredith: Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no nark. Floozy? Yes. Alkie? Check. Einstein sarcastically? You bet. But never no nark. Vomit mop? Sure. Floor meat? That's me. Flesh hoover?
Erin: Hey!
Pete: Meredith, that's plenty. All right? That's more than plenty. Why does no one stop her?

Quote from Finale

Meredith: I just feel lucky that I got a chance to share my crummy story with anyone out there who thinks they're the only one to take a dump in a paper shredder. You're not alone sister. Let's get a beer sometime.

Quote from Pool Party

Jim: Hey, um, I think you parked my car in. Is there any way you can move your van?
Meredith: Oh, I'm sorry. When I got here, I put my keys in a bowl.
Jim: Are you serious?

Quote from Lice

Meredith: Hey, what do you want? I know who I am. Nobody's taking Meredith Palmer to the opera to meet the queen.

Quote from Local Ad

Meredith: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.

Quote from The Duel

Meredith: I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.

Quote from The Chump

Meredith: That is something I would never do.
Michael Scott: Well, I think we all know what you're capable of Meredith.
Meredith: Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, or been used to cheat with.
[aside to camera:]
Meredith: I ask everyone in the room, "Are you in a relationship?"

Quote from Work Bus

Dwight K. Schrute: [Reading from computer] "Statistical correlations exist between EMF radiation and various health hazards. But mainstream studies are inconclusive!" That means you can't make me do squat.
Meredith: You better fix this. I already ditched my uterus and I ain't losing any more good parts.

Quote from Promos

Angela: There was much more secret filming than I expected. [laughs] But I am fine with it, I mean it. I am.
Oscar: Are you kidding me? It's like half the show is secret footage.
Meredith: I am a very private person. I show 'em when I wanna show 'em. Who wants a taste? [flashes camera] Boob sauce!

Quote from Goodbye, Michael

Phyllis: Mmm, let's hear her out. I would, uh, like to hear more about these cakes.
Meredith: I know these Ethiopians that run a cake shop.
Angela: Good God.
Meredith: They make these cakes that are wild. I mean, they show everything.
Pam: I don't- I don't think we want a-
Meredith: No, I know what you're thinking, but it's not just black. They do it all. And the women on these cakes, they're not just guys' fantasies. They have real, full women. It is refreshing.
Pam: Okay, don't turn this into some feminist issue.
Phyllis: As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it just feels good to be represented on one.

Quote from Mafia

Meredith: The weekend.
Michael Scott: Yeah! That's good. Come on up. Meredith, come up here. Let's do a little something. So Meredith and I just started conversing, and I will say, "So Meredith, how was your weekend? What did you do?"
Meredith: Well, I caught my son taking a dump on the upper part of the toilet.
Michael Scott: All right.
Meredith: He calls it an upper-decker.

Quote from The List

Andy: Okay. Robert's in the annex, everybody think quick. What do these groups have in common?
Meredith: Maybe we're suposed to do it with people in our group.
Jim: That's not it.
Meredith: People in the other group.
Jim: Mmm, still wrong.

Quote from Test the Store

Darryl: Andy, who punched you?
Meredith: Hey, I was on the can. What's this about a black guy in the office?
Angela: Black eye, Meredith.

Quote from Moving On

Andy: Thank you! Thanks. Thanks a lot. Really appreciate it. You guys are supposed to have my back, okay? Instead you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend.
Meredith: Hey, boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks, I emailed him shots of my junk....
Andy: Ugh.
Meredith: Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.