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‘Cocktails’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Office: Cocktails

318. Cocktails

Aired February 22, 2007

Michael and Jan go public about their relationship when they attend a work party at the CFO's house. Meanwhile, Pam demands Roy join her and her colleagues at a bar after work.

Quote from Jan

Jan: Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh, my God, what am I saying?


Quote from Jan

Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside? I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids. Self-fulfilling prophecy. It's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic, and a little extra time after school.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason. So, let me think here. I don't know any of these people. It's an obligation. I don't like talking paper in my free time. Or in my work time. And did I use the word "pointless"?

Quote from Creed

Creed: I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the sheriff's station.

Quote from Karen

Jim: Now you stay here and have fun 'cause I'm going to go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace.
Karen: Okay. Don't mention that you and I are dating 'cause I think he might still have feelings for me.
Jim: Wallace? What the hell? Have you dated, like, every guy here? [Karen smiles at Jim] Wow. Okay. You got me.
Karen: I so got you.
Jim: So none of them?
Karen: Of course not. I mean you're, kind of, like, my first.
Jim: Really?
Karen: Oh, my God, it's so easy it's not even fun.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Actually, it's polite to arrive early. And smart. Only really good friends show up early. Ergo, de facto, go to a party early, become a really good friend.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I cannot tell you how I plan to escape other than by using magic. That is the magician's code. Separately on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key...

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right, ready. Come on, guys. Early worm gets the worm.
Jim: Another worm, like, are they friends?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's, "Early bird gets the worm."
Michael Scott: Okay.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Michael, you go to parties all the time. Why is tonight so special? Well, tonight is so special because my boss's boss's boss, the CFO, not his initials, common mistake, is having a little shindig for all the managers in the company. And Jan and I are going as a couple for the first time. So it's kind of our coming out party, really. And that is why tonight is so special.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Hey, buttercup.
Jan: Hi.
Michael Scott: I am on my way. I should be there in about 15-
Jan: All right, let's just blow this party off.
Michael Scott: That's what she said.

Quote from Jan

Jan: Am I on speakerphone?
Michael Scott: Yes, you are.
Jan: Is anybody else-
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello, Jan!
Jan: Hi, Dwight. Okay, Michael, take me off speakerphone.
Michael Scott: No problem.
Jan: [still on speaker phone] Okay, let's just go to a motel and just, like, rip into each other like we did on that black sand beach in Jamaica.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I've decided that I'm going to be more honest. I'm gonna start telling people what I want directly. So look out world 'cause old Pammy is getting what she wants. And don't call me Pammy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise. Just- You never know.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces.

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