Pete: I didn't realize that everybody here dresses up every year.
Creed: Me neither.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: [covered in blood] It's Halloween. That is really, really good timing.

Dwight K. Schrute: This year I decided to really get into the spirit of Halloween. It may have been the costliest decision I've ever made. My greased up head went into the pumpkin no problem, but ... I can't get it out. I mean, I could try destroying the pumpkin... But as Jim and I discovered, any blow to the pumpkin itself could prove fatal to me. At first I drove myself crazy thinking about the things I should have done differently. I never should have played that joke on Erin. I never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place. Then I realized that I was being silly. I mean the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two. Right?

Jim: Angela, it's Halloween. You have to sing "Monster Mash".
Pam: Oh you have to Jim? You literally have to?
Jim: Uh...
Pam: No I'm just, I'm saying, what would happen if they didn't sing it? Would they go to jail? Would they be shot?
Jim: Okay. We'll, just forget it.
Pam: No! No, I'm interested. I mean I think everybody's interested in why they have to sing it.
Jim: Because it is Halloween. So if you're going to sing a concert, it's a good idea to throw that one in.
Pam: Yeah, yeah, no, no. It's a good idea to brush your teeth. But you have to, um, feed your children. Send them to school. You know, all things you can't do if you just keep singing "Monster Mash".
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: It turns out, that Pam really, really hates "Monster Mash". I mean like, never bring that song up in front of her. Even though Jim was making great points, like, in favor of the song, Pam was like, No! Hate it! Stupid!

Nellie: Okay, look Dwight, let's just call this thing off. I mean, it's just an anxiety pill. Lots of people have anxiety.
Dwight K. Schrute: You think I don't have anxiety? I have anxiety all the time. Every waking moment of my life is sheer torture. I have land disputes I've got to settle. And idiot cousins to protect. And ne'er-do-well siblings to take care of. But I don't need some stupid pill to get me through all this.

Dwight K. Schrute: Dumatril!
Nellie: Something wrong, Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: Dumatril.
Nellie: Yes?
Dwight K. Schrute: This is a pill that I found here in the office. But it's not for worms or eczema like any normal pill. It's not for any disorder of the body. [whispering] It's for a disorder of the mind.
Nellie: The mind is part of the body.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, this is a pill that combats insanity, okay? Whoever is taking it is not only insane... [whispering] They are now off their meds.
Nellie: Dwight, our co-workers' health issues are really none of our business so-
Dwight K. Schrute: Why are you trying so hard to bury this thing, huh? What's going on Nellie? Talk to me.
Nellie: Hm?
[aside to camera:]
Nellie: It's my pill. I have an anxiety issue and I'm not ashamed of that, But I'm not loving the idea of Dwight having that information. I once saw him yell at Phyllis for sneezing wrong.

Clark: Wait! Wait. Hold on. Where's the band? ‘Cause there's just no way you guys are making this magic with just your mouths.
Creed: Yeah. That's what she said.
[aside to camera:]
Clark: What, am I overdoing it? No. No.

Erin: Pam, what are you?
Pam: I am Dr. Cinderella.
Jim: Cece's really into princesses now. So we decided to turn them into a positive female role models.
Pam: I'm an oncologist.

Dwight K. Schrute: What lab did these little clones escape from?
Andy: My Cornell a capella group.
Pam: You were in an a capella group?
Darryl: You went to Cornell?
Andy: Yah! ah. Okay. Ha ha ha ha.

Andy: But you have no idea how lucky you are because HCT is doing a set at our Halloween party.
Stanley: Ugh. I don't want to sit through a whole concert of that.
Clark: I do. I love the boss's interests.
Andy: Atta boy, Clark!

Meredith: Where you boys stayin? How does it work in the rooms? Do you get a privacy partition?
Andy: No. Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Stay away.