Oscar: The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons and idiots. Because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And, as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.

Woman: I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. Will you save my place?
Man: Sure.
Dwight K. Schrute: No. You will not.
Woman: Excuse me?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, I'm sorry. Were you raised in a household with no consequences?
Woman: It'll just be a second.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh. If onlys and justs were candies and nuts then every day would be Erntedankfest.

Oscar: These questions are bush league.
Andy: You should get up and say something. You've got to be true to what's in there. Don't be a wuss.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. I feel lachrymose.

Michael Scott: Yes, it is a thrill to be honored by one's company. To have the people that you work for stop for a minute and say, "Wow. Great job." That is what it is all about. Not the perks. Perks? The perks. I could take or leave the perks. Limos are for people who make the company money, not lose millions and have no plan. So we're leaving early. After all, we are the only ones with anything to celebrate.

Oscar: Not again.
Dwight K. Schrute: Bow down before Recyclops.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Five years ago, corporate said we had to start a recycling program for Earth Day so Dwight took the lead on that and introduced us to a very close friend of his named Recyclops.
[flashback:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclops. Did you know that an old milk carton can be sawed in half and used as a planter?
Jim: [v.o.] The next year he really stepped things up.
[flashback:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin?
Jim: [v.o.] A year after that Recylcops really began to take shape.
[flashback:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Recylops will drown you in your over-watered lawns.
[to camera:]
Jim: Then tragedy struck Recyclops when his fictional planet was attacked by some other fictitious thing... I can't remember.
[flashback:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Recyclops will have his revenge.
Jim: [to camera:] I think this was also the year he renounced Earth Day and vowed to the destroy the planet he once loved.
[flashback:]
Pam: Oh my God, you guys, look. It's Recyclops.
Dwight K. Schrute: Recyclops destroys!
Stanley: Oh, is today Recyclops Day?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Stanley: I thought you were killed by Polluticorn.
Dwight K. Schrute: Polluticorn wishes. [starts spraying the office with something]
Andy: That's aerosol spray. It's terrible for the environment.
Dwight K. Schrute: Humans are terrible for the environment.

Michael Scott: Town cars suck. Town car is something that a company sends when they're in trouble. A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case I think we are celebrating me.

Dwight K. Schrute: I was hoping to lob Michael his softball question early. I wanted to swing by the garment district, pick up a few crates of my shirts. I got a shirt guy.

Michael Scott: Well, that was a waste of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan so I'm thinking I go down there. Maybe rattle off a few jokes. Congressman could follow.
O'Keefe: He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron?
Michael Scott: Uh, I'm not a moron. Time after time my branch leads in sales. I have personally won over 17 Dundie awards. So, I am not a moron and I am just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron.

Michael Scott: Alan Brand is the CEO of the company, if title's important to you, has personally invited moi to go to New York to the shareholder's meeting and sit up on the stage with the board of directors. And at some point they are going to introduce me as the most successful branch manager that they have. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd... and the crowd goes wild.

Oscar: The long term problem is bad investments that they need to dump. The short term problem is the company has no cash and there's no where to get it.
Michael Scott: Okay, Oscar, I don't need the whole enchilada just the bullet points.
Oscar: Those are the bullet points.
Michael Scott: Well, could you condense it please?
Oscar: That's as simple as I can make it.