Dwight K. Schrute: For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts. Professional resume, athletic and special skills resume and Dwight Schrute trivia.

Dwight K. Schrute: One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.

Andy: Five of us transferred from Stamford. There's two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we're touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I'm not falling in a chocolate river.

Dwight K. Schrute: How would I describe myself? Three words. Hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless, insatiable.

Jim: Seriously, are you gonna sit in the back?
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh. Yeah. It's the safest part of a car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side first.

Dwight K. Schrute: I have left Dunder Mifflin after many record-breaking years, and I'm officially on the job market and it's very exciting. I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me. There's nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon. [Dwight is wearing a Staples uniform] I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search. And it's fine for the time being. [watch beeps] Break's over.

Michael Scott: All right, everybody, circle up! Here we go. You know what this is? This is The Amazing Race. And you guys are retired Marines, and you guys are the mother-daughter, and you guys are the gay couple, and we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go?
Karen: Wait. Amazing Race, like, the biggest sale wins?
Michael Scott: No. We're just gonna rush out, do the sales thing and come back.
Ryan: Is there a prize?
Michael Scott: Just bragging rights.
Phyllis: Then how is this Amazing Race?
Michael Scott: It's just- It's Amazing Race, Phyllis, okay? We're in teams of two and we're on a mission. All right. So, on your mark. Get set. Go. Let's do it.

Jim: After you, sir.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, thank you. I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of 10 attacks are from the rear.
Jim: Okay. Well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I'll attack you from the front.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, but it'll be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. Or I can counter it-
[Jim slaps Dwight's face]

Customer: Well, I appreciate what you guys are saying, but it makes more fiscal sense to go with one of the big guys.
Dwight K. Schrute: Sure.
Jim: That's true. We can't compete with their prices. But let me ask you something. How important to you is customer service?
Customer: Very.
Telephone: Please keep holding. Your call is very important to us.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's one of the big guys. Been on hold this whole time.
Jim: And this is Dunder Mifflin. [dialing]
Kelly: [on phone] Dunder Mifflin customer service. This is Kelly.
Jim: Hey, Kelly, it's Jim.
Kelly: Oh, my God! Jim! How are you? I wanted to tell you-
Dwight K. Schrute: Here's my card. It's got my cell number, my pager number, my home number and my other pager number. I never take vacations. I never get sick. And I don't celebrate any major holidays.
Customer: All right. I get it. We got a deal.

Dwight K. Schrute: May I have your attention, please? This will only take a moment of your time. "Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown. I will meet my new challenges head on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It's been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon. But remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall." In other words, I'm quitting, so...