Todd: I am going through a twelve-step program. I'm currently on step zero. Which is have a [bleep] of fun. I spent six hours carefully removing the frosting and then layering in a variety of drugs, some legal, some not, some laxative, some constipating. You don't fire the Pac-Man and expect to get away with it.

Pam: Todd, you're just saying insults in the form of an apology.
Todd: Why can't I just be nice? Truth is, I really like you guys. I really do. Okay. The apology's just half of it. The big thing is making amends. And, that's why I brought these. I went out to the Steamtown Mall and I got you all cupcakes. From that place Nipples.
Pam: I think it's called Nibbles.
Todd: Huh. The mind sees what it wants to, huh?

Michael Scott: Todd Packer, terrific rep. Do you mind if I take it?
Jan: Go ahead.
Michael Scott: Packman.
Todd: [on the phone] Hey, you big queen.
Michael Scott: Oh. That's not appropriate.
Todd: Is old Godzillary coming in today?
Michael Scott: I, uh- I don't know what you mean.
Todd: I've been meaning to ask her one question. Does the carpet match the drapes?
Michael Scott: Oh, my God! Oh! That's horrifying. Horrible. Horrible person.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As I got iced out by Brea, the Winter Games were in full swing at home.
Bill Lewis: Aw, come on, USA! Canada's flag is a leaf! That's the weakest living thing on the planet. Sure, I pressed a few into my memory journal last autumn after a lovely drive up to Vermont, but we should be raking these guys up.

Barry: Dad, hurry, it's almost kickoff! [sighs] Maybe I should have tried out.
Bill Lewis: Probably for the best. I've had a headache for 36 years.
Vic: Oh, [scoffs] that's nothin'. I can turn this foot all the way around like an owl's head.
Bill Lewis: I got hit so hard on a crossing route, I was legally dead for 3 minutes.
Vic: Try 5. I saw my granny on a cloud. She told me to rub some dirt on it and then go block somebody.
Bill Lewis: I took a helmet to the stomach so hard, I no longer have a belly button.
Vic: I don't have any toes.
Bill Lewis: This isn't baldness. I got the hair tackled right off of my head. [Vic gasps]
Barry: Why do they let anyone play this game?
Bill Lewis: 'Cause it's the best.
Vic: So many good memories. I love it.

Virginia Kremp: Surprise! It's a new Laura Ashley recliner!
Bill Lewis: It's a real beauty. Test drove it myself. Bill Lewis certified! Huh? [laughs]
Beverly: You get that piece of [bleep] out of my house, you [bleep] monsters!
Bill Lewis: I told you to get it in blue. My name is on the line here.
Virginia Kremp: Okay. Well, we thought because you gave away Murray's chair...
Beverly: My husband's chair had a name, Ginzy. Mr. Chair!
Bill Lewis: I was there when he named it. He had no passion for creativity.