Nellie: I grew up poor. I had little formal education. No real skills. I don't work especially hard, and most of my ideas are either unoriginal or total crap. And yet, I walked right into a job for which I was ill-prepared, ill-suited, and somebody else already had, and I got it. If you ask me, that's the American dream right there. Anything can happen to anyone. It's just random.

Robert: My point is, there is one person in charge of every office in America, and that person is Charles Darwin. In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is?

Nellie: That one looks empty.
Jim: No, that's Andy's office.
Nellie: Oh, is it?
[aside to camera:]
Nellie: I have one simple philosophy in business: if the seat is open, the job is open. It's how I came to briefly race a Formula One car. The three slowest laps ever recorded.

Jim: Dwight, should she be our manager?
Dwight K. Schrute: I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Those who can't farm, farm celery.

Andy: I'm in Florida to get Erin. As soon as I heard she wasn't coming back to Scranton, I jumped straight in my car and drove straight down till I hit the ocean. My heart is my map. Turns out, Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, so I overshot a good amount. But still, not bad for a heart map right? [picks up dead fish] Oh, no. Thanks a lot, BP.

Nellie: Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: I refuse to be judged by someone that I do not respect. I lost respect for you in Florida. If it was up to me, you would be in jail forever.
Nellie: Dwight, I have completed your evaluation. You're getting a raise.
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Nellie: Dwight, you carry this company on your massive shoulders. You are our Atlas, and for that do you not think you deserve a raise?
Dwight K. Schrute: There's no limit to what I think I deserve.
Nellie: Then you accept it?
Dwight K. Schrute: Five percent. No less.
Nellie: Absolutely not. Seven percent.
Dwight K. Schrute: Six percent, I know my worth.
Jim: The raise isn't real.
Dwight K. Schrute: Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.

Nellie: So no one can tell me what's going on. Well, let me illuminate things for you. We are getting to know each other. [in an accent] But why, m'lady? [in normal voice] Because I am your new manager.
Pam: Robert, is Nellie our new manager?
Robert: [laughs] This is an odd situation. But it's very interesting how it's playing out.
[aside to camera:]
Robert: We live in this world of routines and rhythms. Kevin ate someone's lunch. Phyllis has a new necklace. Who is this woman?

Robert: Not much we can do about this until he gets here.
Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.
Jim: ... Right.

Jim: Hey. So they accidentally gave us an extra egg sandwich this morning. Who wants it?
Kevin: Ooh
Darryl: Me.
Phyllis: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Right here.
Nellie: Allow me to solve your problem, then.
Jim: Nellie
Nellie: Mmm. [bites sandwich] Oh, that is disgusting. Do you call that a King James breakfast pie?
Jim: What brings you to town?
Nellie: Certainly not the Harry Houdini Museum. What a nobody. Oh look, some Hungarian just found their way out of a sack. Let's build a shrine. No, I've come to work here.

Robert: Now, let's find you something fun to do here, shall we?
Nellie: Oh, I've already found it. I am manager, a natural next step. It fits like a glove.
Robert: We have a manager.
Nellie: Do you really? Because it is 10:00. I've been in this chair for an hour, and no other manager has come and sat in my lap.