‘Andy's Ancestry’
Season 9, Episode 3 - Aired October 4, 2012
Nellie gets her own back on Andy when she fakes a genealogy report, leading his co-workers to think his family may once have owned slaves. Meanwhile, Dwight helps Erin learn a new language, Pam prepares Nellie for a driving test, and Darryl grows fed up of the way his ideas are treated.
Quote from Jim
Fake Jim: Morning, Dwight
Dwight K. Schrute: Who are you?
Fake Jim: Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been working together for twelve years. Ha, Weird joke, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian.
Fake Jim:: You seriously never noticed? Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race.
Dwight K. Schrute: Alright then, Jim. Ah, why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday?
Fake Jim:: Uh, Wellington systems? Sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock. Or, were you talking about Krieger-Murphy? Because I didn't close that one yet, but I'm hoping I've got a voicemail from Paul Krieger waiting for me.
Voicemail: Please enter your password. [Fake Jim keys in a code] You have one new message.
Dwight K. Schrute: How did you know? No! No, no! That is sensitive information only for employees, not outsiders!
Fake Jim: Dwight, cut it out, I'm trying to work.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't work here! You're not Jim!
Pam: Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. Grico's at 7:30.
Fake Jim: Oh great, can't wait. [kisses Pam]
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Jim's at the dentist this morning. And Steve is an actor friend of ours.
[back:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim. This is Jim!
[Dwight shows Fake Jim a picture of the Halpert family. Fake Jim smiles at the picture, so Dwight looks and sees that it's a picture of Pam with Fake Jim and two mixed-race children]
Quote from Darryl
Darryl: Since Andy promoted me to assistant regional manager, I've been trying to step my game up, you know, be more productive. In fact, you know what? Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites while we're here. [pauses] Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: Ah, French. It's a great language. If you're a chain-smoking acrobat.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: You wanna learn a really impressive second language? Try Dothraki. Win over any man in my guild.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Dothraki is the native tongue of the nomadic war-mongering horse lords of Essos as featured in the superb Home Box Office series, Game of Thrones. It has a lot of nudity. Which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads.
Quote from Clark
Andy: Alright! We gotta get rid of all this junk food. Get fit, America! Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but, uh, I'm related to Michelle Obama.
[Clark and Peter clap; together to camera:]
Pete: Yeah we noticed early on, Andy really appreciates enthusiasm.
Clark: So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders. It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome.
Pete: Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point.
Clark: Just clap through it, man.
Quote from Darryl
Erin: Hey, study buddies.
Darryl: Oh, okay.
Erin: Getting things done. Awesome.
Darryl: It's all about finding ways to make yourself more efficient. Life hacking, baby. This morning, I brushed my teeth in the shower. Saved my self 90 seconds. Which I just used to explain this to you. Damn it!
Quote from Erin
Andy: My fellow Americans, I have a feeling my approval rating is about to go through the roof. Turns out, I am related to Michelle Obama.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: I was intimidated by Andy's family before. And now I have to see the First Lady at holidays? She's gonna be like, "What's your stance on politics?" Or, "What is the best war to do?" And, I will just be like, "Duh!"
Quote from Darryl
Andy: Darryl, guess which talented individual, who also has a killer singing voice, is related to the First Lady?
Darryl: Tracee Ellis Ross. Daughter of the First Lady of Motown, Diana Ross.
Quote from Andy
Andy: Very funny, Kevin. Changed my ringtone. Very funny. I liked the original song on my ringtone, which, you may remember, was "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes" by Paul Simon, featuring Lady Smith... African American... Mambazo.
Quote from Stanley
Oscar: I'm just saying, what does it imply in this country when a white person shares an ancestor with a black person?
Phyllis: You think that Andy's family owned slaves?
Stanley: Well, somebody owned somebody. And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy.