TV Quotes

Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me! May I have your attention, please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped, there is broken glass everywhere, several people are injured.
Pam: Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
Dwight K. Schrute: Brad Pitt. Also, there will be no bonuses.
Stanley: Why would this affect our bonuses?
Dwight K. Schrute: They're unrelated.
Kelly: Is Brad okay?
Dwight K. Schrute: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.

Jo: Oh, you don't become the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slacking off. [scoffs] You do it by working hard. Or marrying rich. I did both!

Stanley: If anybody's going to Florida, it should be me. Every shirt that I have that isn't a work shirt is a Tommy Bahama. I'm the only person in this office who watches Burn Notice.

Dwight K. Schrute: I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.

Jim: Andy, this whole idea of our situation being just like war? It's just not true. We just work at a paper company. And you're our regional manager. And guess what man? You don't have to prove anything. We like you as regional manager. And if you don't believe me take a look at what's on my head. I'm wearing a very pink hat. I've been getting weird looks all day because I'm pretty sure "DM does GB" means something kinda sexual. But guess who's wearing them? All of us. Just for you man. That's huge.

Kevin: I wonder what he did.
Michael Scott: In our society a black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and saw some people pushing each other and he intervened.
Pam: Why would anyone go to jail for that?

Jim: If I had thought that there was a real chance that Dwight would be permanent manager, I would have pre-quit. And you might be saying to yourself, "Well that's pretty premature to think," but I always say, it's better to be pre-pre-preprepared.