TV Quotes

Dwight K. Schrute: People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. It's great. Eventually, they'll rise up and revolt. My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years. Because Stanley Washington was napping. And Phyllis Hancock was still signing the declaration. And Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.

Erin: Dwight, what a ridiculous, fancy clown you are.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning. My aunt Shirley has died.
Pam: Oh, Dwight. I'm so sorry. Were you guys close?
Dwight K. Schrute: I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other. I raised myself. She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: My actual mother was very cold and distant. I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt.

Jim: I tried to keep Michael in the dark. I should have known that he can do just as much damage in the dark.

Michael Scott: Leader ship. The word "ship" is hidden inside the word "leadership" as its derivation. So if this office is in fact a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat. Teamwork!

Pam: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.

Pam: Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture. Intel has told us there were at least seven.
Creed: Okay. I already see one, gimme. Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: They're the same picture.

Dwight K. Schrute: I really like Andy these days. He's pretend and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown.