Jan Levinson Quotes Page 1 of 5

Quote from Cocktails

Jan: Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh, my God, what am I saying?

Quote from Cocktails

Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside? I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.

Quote from The Deposition

Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.

Quote from Boys and Girls

Jan: Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly, but many women ask to go over it, so, "fumble" means-
Phyllis: Mistake.
Meredith: Slip.
Jan: Right. "Par for the course" is a golf term. It means "right on track." "Below par" means "worse." Wait. That should mean better. That doesn't make sense.

Quote from Baby Shower

Jan: [singing] Being good isn't always easy No matter how hard I try When he started sweet-talking to me He'd come and tell me everything is all right He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right. Can I get away again tonight The only one

Quote from Money

Jan: So, I forgot to tell you that I need the car tonight.
Michael Scott: Actually, I need the car.
Jan: Why? For improv? Why don't you just pretend that you have a car? Good practice in case you ever do a scene where you need to pretend you have a car.

Quote from The Deposition

Diane Kelly: Mr. Scott, this is a copy of a particularly negative performance review. Would you mind reading the date on that, please?
Michael Scott: March 17th.
Diane Kelly: And that would be a month after your relationship became official. Is that correct?
Michael Scott: Yes.
Diane Kelly: You may read the highlighted portion out loud, if you'd like to.
Michael Scott: "I'm out of carrots. I'm out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and reassigned to sales, where he belongs."
Diane Kelly: After hearing that, wouldn't you say that Ms. Levinson's judgment is at least very seriously flawed? Mr. Scott?

Quote from The Whale

Pam: And it is so cute how she signs her name.
Jan: [chuckles] Well, that- That was- That was me, too.
Pam: Oh, okay. It's just that's how Cece does it with the backwards ‘E's.
Jan: Cece can't spell her name.
Pam: Oh, actually she can.
Jan: Well, it's not really much of a comparison, is it? I mean, "Cece" is two letters and "Astrid" is... I mean, there's even some adults who- who- who can't spell it.
Pam: Of course.
Jan: Can you spell it? Try to spell it, Pam.
Pam: Um... "A"... "X"? I don't- You got me.
Jan: Don't patronize me.
Pam: [whispering] I'm so sorry. I hate this. You're better.

Quote from The Whale

Jan: [to Clark] Do you have a valid passport?

Quote from The Whale

Jan: [singing over slideshow] Mommy, you're a princess. Mommy, you're a superstar. Mommy you're the greatest. How can I ever fill your sho-o-o-es?
Pam: Wow. Your voice is as lovely as ever.

Quote from Traveling Salesmen / The Return

Jan: [on the phone] Dwight's name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don't know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote, "Beeswax Not Yours Incorporated."
Michael Scott: I knew it.

Quote from Dinner Party

Pam: So you have an office and a work space?
Jan: I do, you know. I just- I cannot create in the same space that I conduct business. I'm sure that you're the same with your doodles.

Quote from Dinner Party

Jan: So this is the master bedroom. And these walls, they used to be, like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer so I had it painted in eggshell white.
Michael Scott: Guess what. White and eggshell white are exactly the same color.
Jan: Babe.
Michael Scott: Exactly.
Jan: [putting away a tripod-mounted camera near the bed] I thought you said that you were gonna tidy things up.
Michael Scott: Well, I-
Jan: Shame on you.

Quote from Dinner Party

Pam: What a cute bench.
Michael Scott: Thanks. That's my bed. Jan has, uh, some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.
Jim: Really? 'Cause It seems pretty narrow and short.
Michael Scott: It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at that!
Jan: See, he fits perfectly.

Quote from Dinner Party

Michael Scott: And I also built this table.
Jim: What is that, chestnut?
Michael Scott: No, it's either pine of Nordic cherry.
Jan: It's pine.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim: I'm just terrible at this stuff, so that's cool.
Jan: Really?
Pam: Yeah. Yeah, he tried to set up my Tivo for me, but then I didn't have audio for a week.
Michael Scott: If you ever need any help, I'm just a phone call away.
Jan: I bet you are.