Jan Levinson Quotes Page 1 of 6

Quote from Cocktails

Jan: Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh, my God, what am I saying?

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Quote from Cocktails

Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside? I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.

Quote from The Deposition

Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.

Quote from Baby Shower

Jan: [singing] Being good isn't always easy No matter how hard I try When he started sweet-talking to me He'd come and tell me everything is all right He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right. Can I get away again tonight The only one

Quote from Boys and Girls

Jan: Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly, but many women ask to go over it, so, "fumble" means-
Phyllis: Mistake.
Meredith: Slip.
Jan: Right. "Par for the course" is a golf term. It means "right on track." "Below par" means "worse." Wait. That should mean better. That doesn't make sense.

Quote from Money

Jan: So, I forgot to tell you that I need the car tonight.
Michael Scott: Actually, I need the car.
Jan: Why? For improv? Why don't you just pretend that you have a car? Good practice in case you ever do a scene where you need to pretend you have a car.

Quote from The Deposition

Diane Kelly: Mr. Scott, this is a copy of a particularly negative performance review. Would you mind reading the date on that, please?
Michael Scott: March 17th.
Diane Kelly: And that would be a month after your relationship became official. Is that correct?
Michael Scott: Yes.
Diane Kelly: You may read the highlighted portion out loud, if you'd like to.
Michael Scott: "I'm out of carrots. I'm out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and reassigned to sales, where he belongs."
Diane Kelly: After hearing that, wouldn't you say that Ms. Levinson's judgment is at least very seriously flawed? Mr. Scott?

Quote from The Whale

Jan: [singing over slideshow] Mommy, you're a princess. Mommy, you're a superstar. Mommy you're the greatest. How can I ever fill your sho-o-o-es?
Pam: Wow. Your voice is as lovely as ever.

Quote from The Whale

Pam: And it is so cute how she signs her name.
Jan: [chuckles] Well, that- That was- That was me, too.
Pam: Oh, okay. It's just that's how Cece does it with the backwards ‘E's.
Jan: Cece can't spell her name.
Pam: Oh, actually she can.
Jan: Well, it's not really much of a comparison, is it? I mean, "Cece" is two letters and "Astrid" is... I mean, there's even some adults who- who- who can't spell it.
Pam: Of course.
Jan: Can you spell it? Try to spell it, Pam.
Pam: Um... "A"... "X"? I don't- You got me.
Jan: Don't patronize me.
Pam: [whispering] I'm so sorry. I hate this. You're better.

Quote from The Whale

Jan: [to Clark] Do you have a valid passport?

Quote from Boys and Girls

Michael Scott: This is important. Ladies, take a breather. Jan, I wanted- [to Pam] Can I help you? I wanted to say that the guys downstairs are thinking about forming a union, and they have some good points.
Jan: What? A union?
Michael Scott: Don't get hysterical.
Jan: I'm not.
Michael Scott: [to camera:] Part of my job is knowing how to talk to women.
Michael Scott: Let's be rational here. What are the pros? What are the cons?
Jan: The cons are that everyone will lose their job, Michael. Everyone. Office, warehouse. What do you think the pros are here?
Michael Scott: Don't talk to me that way, please. Just- They're gonna want to hear this from you.
Jan: Oh, you got yourself into this, Michael, so-
Michael Scott: We're bonding down there.
Jan: -you get yourself out of it. That's too bad.
Michael Scott: I just don't want to have to tell them something they're not gonna want to hear.
Jan: Now who's getting hysterical?

Quote from Boys and Girls

Jan: Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm told that there has been some interest in forming a union, and that Michael supported it. Obviously, he's not a friend of yours, because he didn't tell you the facts. So, let me. If there is even a whiff of unionizing in this branch, I can guarantee you the branch will be shut down like that. They unionized in Pittsfield, and we all know what happened in Pittsfield. It will cost each of you a fortune in legal fees and union dues, and that will be nothing compared to the cost of losing your jobs. So, I would think long and hard before sacrificing your savings and your futures just to send a message. If you have any further questions, you can direct them to- To Michael.

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