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‘Tallahassee’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

The Office: Tallahassee

815. Tallahassee

Aired February 16, 2012

Dwight and his team members meet Nellie, the Sabre executive in charge of special projects, as the group visits Tallahassee. Dwight refuses to let a medical emergency affect his chances of being given a leading role. Meanwhile, Andy fills in as secretary back in Scranton.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Today is the first day of Sabre's new project to develop a chain of retail stores. I am meeting my new boss, Nellie Bertram, head of special projects. Work starts at nine. Sabre HQ is thirty minutes away, driving the speed limit. Giving everyone twenty minutes to shower, plus fifty for Jim to style his hair, twenty for breakfast, forty for Erin to get lost between her room and the lobby, ninety for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy... We're already twenty minutes late.

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Quote from Nellie

Nellie: Psst. Say, "So who's leading this thing, anyway?"
Ryan: So who's leading this thing, anyway?
Nellie: Psst. Say, "I can't wait to meet him."
Ryan: I can't wait to meet him.
Nellie: [standing up] Him, you say? Don't think a woman can be a leader? You poor, simple boy. Expected a man, did you? Strong, powerful. Huge, whopping penis? Well, sorry to disappoint, but my huge, whopping penis is right here, [points to her head] and I'm not afraid to use it. So stop looking at my breasts, and start looking at my penis. [slow clap] I'm Nellie Bertram, president of special projects. In the next few weeks we're going to throw everything you know about business out of the window and do it our own way. Are your minds blown? So, how did this special project come about anyway? Well, I interviewed to be the manager of your branch. [points to Jim] After you decided I wasn't "a good fit-"
Jim: It was-
Nellie: Ah! Uh-uh. It was. I went on a shopping spree. Very destructive. I bought thirteen pianos. Then I realized, what if Sabre had a store? Hmm? So I called Jo, old friend, founder of Sabre, and I told her and she grabbed me by the shoulders and she said, "Yes!" So let's talk about the Sabre store then. Probably gonna look stupid, right? Like a big turd with a door on the front, right? What do you think it should look like?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I need to make Nellie see me as a leader today. First impressions get locked in forever. When I first met Pam, she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way. Since then I've loved working with Pam and she's frankly wonderful, but I hate her.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [to phone] Philip, if you're hearing this memo, that can only mean one thing, I'm dead. You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing. Kill Mose before he kills you. [presses button] Mose, hey, it's Dwight. Listen, yeah, I just want to give you a heads-up.

Quote from Nellie

Nellie: Where there's a will, there's a way. I once spent a passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother, John Grant. He's older than Hugh, just a little bit uglier. How did I pull that off? Sheer force of will.

Quote from Nellie

Nellie: Jim, help me lower this screen. You're a big, tall man. [points to Ryan] You'd be hilarious trying to do it, like a little boy just let go of his balloon.

Quote from Creed

Andy: Ahh! [laughs] Sorry I couldn't resist. It's so quiet.
Creed: I like it. It's so peaceful, I've already written, like, twelve plays today.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Todd: I tell you what though, since my move down to Florida I've really gotten back into hunting big time.
Nellie: Hunting's so primal. Almost sexual.
Todd: Totally. I mean, I'd never bang an animal, you can hardly tell the difference between a boy or a girl, you know, but hunting's intense.
Dwight K. Schrute: You talking about hunting? I love hunting. I'm a master hunter.
Todd: Did you say "masturbator?"
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm a decent baiter. My cousin Mose, that's a master baiter.

Quote from Stanley

Cathy: How was the drive?
Jim: Fantastic. Stanley drives so fast.
Stanley: Life is short. "Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse." That's one of my mottoes.
Jim: I would love to hear the other mottos.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I am on the two kid sleep schedule so I'm up and at 'em at four fifteen, but no kids, so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, and then I thought of something. Uh- [hears door, hides]
Dwight K. Schrute: Heeeere's Dwi- What the-? [sees a bloody shirt on the bed, the balcony door open and objects trashed] Oh man!
Erin: What do you think happened?
Dwight K. Schrute: Looks like Jim got mixed up with some bad apples. [sees "IT WAS DWIGHT" written in lipstick on the door] Oh no, no, no, no. It wasn't me. I gotta find Luwanda at The Alcohol Club. Oh. [Jim falls out of the closet]
Dwight & Erin: [scream]

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