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‘Booze Cruise’ Quotes

The Office: Booze Cruise

211. Booze Cruise

Aired January 5, 2006

When Michael arranges a booze cruise for his employees at Dunder Mifflin, he's upstaged by the ship's captain. Meanwhile, Jim is crushed when Roy decides it's finally time to marry Pam.

Quote from Jim

Jim: What's up, buddy?
Dwight K. Schrute: This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here?
Jim: That's weird. Ooh, a dollar for a stapler, though, that's pretty good.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, well, I'm not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this, 'cause you're friends with the vending machine guy.
Jim: Who, Steve?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, Steve. Whatever his name is.
Pam: What do I want? What do I want? Ooh, it's a pencil cup.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, no, no, no. That's my pencil cup.
Pam: I don't think so, I just bought it.
Dwight K. Schrute: I think so, and you're gonna hand it over to me.
Pam: I love these.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, fine. Where's my wallet?
Jim: Oh, there it is. J1.
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't have-
Jim: Here, you know what? I've got some nickels.
Dwight K. Schrute: $0.05, $0.10, $0.15, $0.20, $0.25.

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year and... It wasn't the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course. But it talked about the actual course. And I've incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Leader ship. The word "ship" is hidden inside the word "leadership" as its derivation. So if this office is in fact a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat. Teamwork!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, look! I'm king of the world! Whoo!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four and I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay! Dancing! It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body! And communicate!
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss dancing.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, all right. It's time to be boss. Time to motivate. Let's blow some minds here. Okay, guys, guys, guys. Cool it. Everybody? Dunder Mifflin Scranton employees, Brenda, I've some very, very urgent news I need to tell everybody. Right now. Listen up. The ship is sinking. Okay? We're going down right now. Just wrap your heads around the reality of that. Please! Everybody, it's my turn now, okay? Captain Jack is gone. In five minutes, this ship is going to be at the bottom of the lake, and there aren't enough spaces on the lifeboat.
Who are we gonna save? Do we save sales? Do we save customer service? Do we save accounting? This is a business scenario. Right? It's a scary- It's a predicament. And it's something that each and every one of us have to think about.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm in the brig. See? The boat's not as corporate-friendly as advertised. What is the deal with the guy jumping overboard? What was- If he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now, and not all wet.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: What a night.
Michael Scott: Well, it's nice for you. Your friend got engaged.
Jim: She was always engaged.
Michael Scott: Roy said the first one didn't count.
Jim: That's great. You know, to tell you the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam. So...
Michael Scott: Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow! I would have never put you two together. You really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know I made out with Jan.
Jim: Yeah, I know.
Michael Scott: Yeah, yeah. Well, Pam is cute.
Jim: Yeah. She's really funny, and she's warm, and she's just- Anyway.
Michael Scott: Well, if you like her so much, don't give up.
Jim: She's engaged.
Michael Scott: BFD. Engaged ain't married.
Jim: Huh.
Michael Scott: Never, ever, ever give up.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Michael stands in the front of the boat and says that he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo.
Jim: "It's time for our first-quarter camaraderie event. So pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes and a ski mask."
Pam: A ski mask and a swimsuit.
Jim: So that he can have us rob a bank and then escape through the sewers.
Pam: And brush our teeth.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, don't spoil it for everybody, all right? But we are going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack.
Stanley: In January?
Michael Scott: It's cheaper.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. Right? I'm going to combine elements of fun and motivation and education into a single mind-blowing experience.

Quote from Michael Scott

Kelly: Wait, Michael.
Michael Scott: Yeah?
Kelly: Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?
Michael Scott: To throw you off the scent.
Kelly: Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit.
Michael Scott: Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it.
Kelly: I took the tags off already.
Michael Scott: Well, that's not my fault, okay? Just- We're not gonna pay for a bathing suit.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that?
Michael Scott: No, this is mandatory. But don't worry. You know what? You're gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan.
Ryan: I'm already in business school.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: Last year, Michael's theme was "Bowl over the competition." So guess where we went.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Now, on this ship that is the office, what is the sales department? Anyone?
Darryl: How about the sales department is the sails?
Michael Scott: Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good. Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace.
Phyllis: A furnace?
Jim: Yeesh, how old is this ship?
Pam: How about the anchor?
Phyllis: What does the furnace do?
Michael Scott: All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. It's just- It's the sales I see the sales department are down there- They're in the engine room, and they're shoveling coal into the furnace. Right?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic. Who saw it? Show of hands.
Jim: Not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you got the title right?
Michael Scott: Titanic.
Pam: I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October.
Michael Scott: No! I'm Leo DiCaprio! Come on!

Quote from Michael Scott

Phyllis: Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned.
Michael Scott: No. Thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. You- They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty. And they're singing their ethnic songs and- Actually, that might be warehouse.
Darryl: What?
Michael Scott: The- No, no- No, I didn't- Okay. Well, the- Okay, in a nutshell, what I'm saying is "leadership." We'll talk more about that on the boat. Ship.
Dwight K. Schrute: Aye-aye, Captain.

Quote from Michael Scott

Captain Jack: Actually, I'm the skipper.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Captain Jack: But you could be Gilligan.
Michael Scott: No! I'd rather die. Hi. I am Michael Scott. I am the captain of this party.
Captain Jack: I'm Captain Jack. I'm captain of the ship. I'm also captain of anyone who sets foot on this ship. Hi, welcome aboard.
Michael Scott: Okay.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulous.

Quote from Michael Scott

Captain Jack: Okay, all right! Welcome aboard! I am your captain, Captain Jack.
Michael Scott: And I am the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome!
Captain Jack: Okay, so-
Michael Scott: Okay, so-
Captain Jack: Please. The life preservers-
Michael Scott: Right.
Captain Jack: -they are located underneath the seats all along the perimeter of the boat.
Michael Scott: Don't worry, you are not gonna be needing life preservers tonight.
Captain Jack: Well, we might be.
Michael Scott: It's just gonna be-
Captain Jack: Please let me finish. Okay? Thank you.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Captain Jack: Not now, Mike, we're doing the limbo! That's right, partiers, it's time to limbo, limbo, limbo! So, okay. All right, I need a volunteer to come up here and hold my stick! Who's it gonna be? Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Me, me, me.
Captain Jack: Usually it's a woman.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm stronger.
Captain Jack: Hey, I got an idea. How would you like to steer the ship, Dwight? [later:] Keep us on a steady course. Keep a sharp eye out. I'm counting on you.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [singing] What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor Early in the morning?
Angela: Hey, come inside and talk to me.
Dwight K. Schrute: I can't. Do you want us to run aground, woman?

Quote from Michael Scott

Captain Jack: So, what's this presentation all about?
Michael Scott: See? This is of general interest. It is about priorities and making decisions, using the boat as an analogy. What is important to you? If the boat is sinking, what do you save?
Captain Jack: Women and children.
Michael Scott: No, no, salesmen and profit centers.
Captain Jack: That's a stupid analogy.
Michael Scott: Okay. Well, obviously you don't know anything about leadership.
Captain Jack: Well, I was the captain of a PC-1 Cyclone coastal patrol boat during Desert Storm.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Wow, you should be the motivational speaker.
Michael Scott: Him? Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, he gives me real responsibility, Michael. Captain Jack delegates. He's let me steer the ship for the last hour.

Quote from Michael Scott

Captain Jack: Hey, hey, hey! I got an idea, I got an idea. I could marry you right now as captain of the ship.
Michael Scott: I could marry you as Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin!
Pam: No, no, no. I want my mom and dad to be there.
Michael Scott: Then I'll give you away!
Pam: No, thank you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the moon.
Michael Scott: Captain Jack's a fart-face. [retching] I'm on medication.
Brenda: Really? What?
Michael Scott: Vomacillin.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Is somebody there?
Jim: What happened to you?
Michael Scott: Captain Jack has a problem with authority.
Jim: Oh, right, 'cause you announced that his ship was sinking?
Michael Scott: Yeah. He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Don't worry, Michael. I'm taking us to shore.
Michael Scott: It's a fake wheel, dummy.


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