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‘Initiation’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Office: Initiation

305. Initiation

Aired October 19, 2006

Dwight attempts to initiate Ryan into the world of sales. Meanwhile, Jan instructs Pam to keep close tabs on Michael.

Quote from Ryan

Dwight K. Schrute: Brain teaser. I have two coins, totaling 15 cents. One of them is not a nickel. What are they?
Ryan: A dime and a nickel.
Dwight K. Schrute: No. I said one of them is not a nickel.
Ryan: But the other one is. I've heard that before.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, "There is no way I can operate on this boy",
Ryan: "Because he's my son." The doctor is the boy's mother.
Dwight K. Schrute: A man is found hanging from the ceiling-
Ryan: He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself and the ice melted.
Dwight K. Schrute: A hunter-
Ryan: It's a polar bear, because you're at the North Pole.

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Quote from Stanley

Stanley: I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive.
And then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But, on pretzel day... Well, I like pretzel day.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you.
Ryan: I don't think you know what you're saying.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I am very excited. Ryan hasn't made a sale yet. But more importantly, he hasn't made an ally yet. Is he gonna be a slacker, loser, wise-ass like Jim was, or is he gonna join the Dwight Army of Champions?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Mose is my cousin and he lives here. He will always be my best friend. Unless things go well with Ryan today, in which case, I won't hang out with Mose so much anymore.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Oh, hey everyone! I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation. Second, I-
Toby: Second?
Michael Scott: Yes, second, Toby. Second, I am insisting on increased accountability from every single one of you.
Kevin: Account- Michael, what is going on?
Michael Scott: And I will be taking questions.
Pam: Did you have a lot of sugar today, Michael?
Phyllis: What's on your suit?
Michael Scott: Caramel dip. But, one question at a time, please. Phyllis, Stanley, I want you to switch desks. I am going to re-organize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything. I think we're getting a lot done, don't you, on paper at least? And we are, after all, a paper company, are we not? Are we not? Are we not? Are you with me? Are you with me? Thank you very much.

Quote from Ryan

Dwight K. Schrute: [chanting as Ryan chugs his beer] Temp! Temp! Temp! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Yes! Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere.
Ryan: I think about that all the time.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Three hundred, sixty-four days till the next pretzel day.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Ryan: They really didn't like me.
Dwight K. Schrute: They did not. But they didn't have to say it to your face.
Ryan: I don't get it. I don't get what I did wrong.
Dwight K. Schrute: Not everything's a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail. It's those online paper jerks. The whole business is changing. You know what? They're gonna be screwed once this whole Internet fad is over.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Never, ever, ever sleep with your boss. I'm so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base.

Quote from Pam

Pam: It's weird. Jan used to treat Michael like he was a 10-year old. But lately it's like he's five.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: I have spent a year here. And I have to commit or get out. So, Dwight's the top salesman in the company and he's taking me on my first sales call today. And, I'm excited.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Ryan: So, what if they're not talking much? Then does it make sense to kind of lead the conversation? You know, just till it gets to a point where they are asking questions? So where is the sales office?
Dwight K. Schrute: When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Once a year, they bring in a little cart, and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Productivity is important, but how can I be productive, if I have this one little thing in my brain that I cannot get out? And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So, I'm just gonna have my soft pretzel, I'll get to work and I'm gonna be super-productive. Look out for me!

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