How I Met Your Mother Quotes

How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother

In 2030, a father tells his children the story of his time in New York City before he met their mother.

Starring: Josh Radnor, Jason Segel, Cobie Smulders, Neil Patrick Harris, Alyson Hannigan, Bob Saget.
Original Run: 2005-2014.

Quote of the Day

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Quote from Robin in Bachelor Party

Lily: Oh. And this one's from... Grandma Lois.
Grandma Lois: Oh. No, wait, darling. Before you open this, I-I want to say a few words.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Okay, something you need to know. Grandma Lois thought she was giving her granddaughter an antique sewing machine. And we're back in.
Grandma Lois: Honey, this handy little device has been in our family for generations. I used it, your great grandmother used it. Now, her mother didn't use this one, but she used one just like it. Of course, back then, they were made out of wood. And, uh, I guess before that, you just had to do it by hand.
Janice: Would you pass the wine, please?
Robin: No.

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Barney in How Lily Stole Christmas

Robin: You have to go home and get to bed.
Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... [Barney falls asleep]

Quote from Lily in Unfinished

Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: Excuse me?
Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: There's no poop.
Lily: Where's the poop?

Quote from Barney in How I Met Everyone Else

Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.

Quote Collections

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    “Robin and Patrice”

    All the times Robin got angry at her colleague Patrice. "Sisters fight, Ted!"

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  • Barney Stinson: Wait for It

    “Barney Stinson: Wait for It”

    Wait for it is one of Barney's many catchphrases, often interjected into "Legendary". At Barney's suggestion, Marshall and Lily's son, Marvin, has the middle name "Wait-for-it".

    16 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Challenge Accepted

    “Barney Stinson: Challenge Accepted”

    All the times Barney Stinson accepted a ridiculous challenge, usually one which he himself proposed.

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  • Barney Stinson: Legendary

    “Barney Stinson: Legendary”

    A collection of quotes featuring Barney Stinson's most notable catchphrase, "Legendary!"

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  • Have you met... Ted?

    “Have you met... Ted?”

    Have you met... is a line the gang use to start conversations with potential mates for their friends. It's most commonly used by wingman Barney to introduce Ted to women.

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  • Robin Sparkles

    “Robin Sparkles”

    The story of Robin's time as a teen pop star and actress in Canada. As Robin Sparkles, she was known for songs including "Let's Go to the Mall", "Sandcastles in the Sand", and "P.S. I Love You". She also starred in a children's show, "Space Teens", with Alan Thicke.

    21 quotes

  • Barney Stinson: Suit Up

    “Barney Stinson: Suit Up”

    Suit up is Barney's catchphrase to implore his friends to step up their sartorial game to match his.

    16 quotes

  • Songs of How I Met Your Mother

    “Songs of How I Met Your Mother”

    A collection of quotes featuring musical moments from How I Met Your Mother.

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  • Barney Stinson: True Story

    “Barney Stinson: True Story”

    The totally true stories of Barney Stinson.

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Trending Quotes 

Quote from Barney in The Stinsons

Lily: Wow, Barney, it looks like your mom kept your childhood bedroom just the way you left it.
Marshall: Yeah, that sure is a big poster of The Karate Kid above your bed.
Barney: Hey, Karate Kid's a great movie. It's the story of a hopeful young karate enthusiast whose dreams and moxie take him all the way to the All Valley Karate Championship. Of course, sadly, he loses in the final round to that nerd kid. But he learns an important lesson about gracefully accepting defeat.
Lily: Wait. When you watch The Karate Kid, you actually root for that mean blond boy?
Barney: No, I root for the scrawny loser from New Jersey who barely even knows karate. When I watch The Karate Kid, I root for the karate kid: Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai dojo. Get your head out of your ass, Lily.

Quote from Marshall in Say Cheese

Marshall: And, at first, I was completely sympathetic. But, damn it, Ted, over the years, you've made me cynical.
[flashback to Marshall comforting Natalie:]
Marshall: You know what? I'm gonna go get us some Rocky Road, and we're just gonna sit here and talk it out until it makes sense.
[flashback to Marshall comforting another of Ted's ex-girlfriends in 2007:]
Esme: I just thought we had something so special, you know?
Marshall: Me, too. Yeah, but, you know, life goes on, sweetheart.
[flashback to Marshall comforting Ted's ex in 2009:]
Rosalie: I don't know how I'm gonna put my life back together after this.
Marshall: Oh, shut up.

Quote from Barney in The Lighthouse

Loretta: Pancakes and eggs, Robin? I guess that blouse won't be loose and flowy for long.
Barney: Mom.
Robin: Keep talking, Loretta. I've been waiting all morning to ketchup. Oops.
Loretta: You're not supposed to put ketchup on scrambled eggs.
Robin: Right, Loretta, because you're the queen of scrambled eggs.
Barney: Actually, that's exactly what she is. When Mom was a groupie in the '70s, her scrambled eggs made her the darling of the MSG loading dock. Lot of songs written about those scrambled eggs. ZZ Top's "She's Got Legs"? Originally "She's Got Eggs." Led Zeppelin? "Scramble On." Steve Miller? "The Yolker." If you listen to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon while eating her eggs, it lines up perfectly.