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32Quotes from ‘The Three Days Rule’

How I Met Your Mother: The Three Days Rule

421. The Three Days Rule

Aired April 27, 2009

When Ted violates the "three day rule" by texting a girl he just met, he doesn't realize he's communicating with Barney and Marshall.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Barney: Jesus.
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.

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Quote from Barney

Ted: I just got that girl's number. Check it out. Holli.
Barney: Nice. Girls whose names end in L-Y are always dirty. Holli, Kelly, Carly, Lily.
Marshall: Hey! Oh, yeah, I know it's true.
Barney: And don't even get me started on girls whose names should end in Y, but instead end in I. Those girls are like roller coasters. You got to wait in a long line, but once you get up there, you just hold on for dear life and hope you don't drop your keys.

Quote from Robin

Robin: So you might as well tell them you're on to them.
Ted: Yeah. Or... I text them something that will really mess with their heads.
Robin: Oh, I gotcha. Okay. How about... "I haven't told any of my friends yet, but I only have three months to live"?
Ted: Not bad. How about "I once killed a man with a shovel, and those feelings are creeping up again"?
Robin: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I liked that thing someone said before about having three months to live.
Ted: How about "I never told anyone this, but I slept with my best friend's mom"?
Robin: Oh, that is good, but I feel like we keep coming back to that three months to live thing.

Quote from Ted

Ted: You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna call her right now. I'm gonna do that whole, "Remember me? It's been so long". See, it's funny because I just saw her.
Barney: Dude, you can't call her. You have to wait 3 days to call a woman. That's the rule.
Ted: Barney, that rule is completely played out. Girls know exactly what you're doing. Hey, I got a new rule. It's kind of crazy, but I call it, "you like her, you call her".
Barney: I'm sorry. Can you repeat that? I don't speak "I never get laid".

Quote from Ted

Robin: Is that Holli who keeps texting you? Didn't you promise to wait three days?
Ted: To call, yes. Texting is totally different.
Robin: Okay, well, just try to keep the naked lady noises to a minimum.
Ted: I don't make a naked lady noise.
Robin: Really? [Robin unties her robe and flashes Ted]
Ted: [chortles]

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Holli and I stayed up texting until 2:00 in the morning. And we spent the whole next day texting each other, too. She seemed perfect.
Ted: Holli just told me what she's wearing right now. It is pretty hot.
Robin: Yeah, whatever it is, I can guarantee you she's not wearing it. She's lying to make you like her.
Ted: How do you know that?
Robin: Umm. Because no woman in the history of the world is ever "Just sitting around reading architecture magazines in my old cheerleader uniform."
Ted: Okay, maybe she's lying about the architecture magazines.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Look, it's been a while since Ted really liked someone. He's clearly got a lot of crazy stored up. We just... We thought we'd get him to say "I love you" before he makes contact with this girl.
Barney: And you can tell it's on the way. He's exhibiting all the telltale signs.
Marshall: Yeah. One: He joked about getting married.
Barney: "You like architecture? We should get married. "Ha-ha. LOL. Just kidding. Question mark."
Marshall: Two: He made a crazy way too soon trip suggestion.
Barney: "I like beer, too. We should totally go to Germany together. LOL. JK. LOL."
Marshall: And three: He got way too personal way too soon. "Yeah, my parents got divorced a couple years back. It was really tough. LOL."
Robin: And he clearly doesn't know what LOL means.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Yeah, but here's the real problem. Ted wasn't saying "I love you" as easily as we thought he would.
Barney: Then we met... Stan.
[flashback to Barney and Marshall laughing in the booth in MacLaren's:]
Stan: Why are you making so much noise, man?
[present:]
Marshall: So we explained everything to him, and when we were done, something amazing happened.
[flashback to Barney and Marshall sitting with Stan in the booth in MacLaren's:]
Stan: Why don't you tell Ted that just knowing he's out there, thinking about you, caring about you, makes you feel safe? So, all your fears, all your yesterdays wash away, and only hope remains in the promise of his embrace.

Quote from Barney

Robin: Wow. Go, Stan. Who is this guy?
Barney: He's a security guard who works nights.
Marshall: And he eats lunch at MacLaren's every day.
Barney: And he wasn't done.
Marshall: Not by a long shot.
[flashback to Barney and Marshall sitting with Stan in the booth in MacLaren's:]
Stan: You make me thank God for every mistake I ever made because each one led me down the path that brought me to you.
Marshall: That's, like, really nice, man.
Barney: [holding back tears] Whatever. It's okay.

Quote from Barney

[Ted reading Holli's text in the apartment:]
Holli: "And when we finally come together, I want you to..."
[flashback to Stan telling this to Barney and Marshall at MacLaren's:]
Stan: hold me. Hold me all night. Stroke my hair. Tell me I'm a woman and show me you're a man. Until there there was only now. You and I... and now.
Marshall: Yes! You want me to text that to Ted. I know that.
[back to Ted reading the text in Holli's voice:]
Holli: "I do not ask of the night explanations. I wait for it, and it envelops me, and so you and bread and light and shadow are."
[flashback:]
Stan: That's Pablo Neruda.
Marshall: I don't know... what bread was doing in there, but that touched me here and here.
Barney: Well, if Ted won't say it, I will. I love you.
Stan: That's cool.

Quote from Robin

[flashback to Barney and Marshall sitting with Stan in the booth in MacLaren's:]
Stan: Still nothing, huh?
Marshall: Maybe he's not in love with us.
Barney: How can he not be in love with us? We're everything he's looking for.
Marshall: I don't get men.
Stan: Uh, got to head to work.
Marshall: Will you be... Will you be back?
Stan: I'll be back when the wind and fates and chance bring me back. Which will be tomorrow. It's cheese steak day.
[present:]
Robin: Wow. It sounds like you were all over this guy. Hope his girlfriend didn't get jealous. Did he mention a girlfriend or...?

Quote from Ted

Marshall: Hey, look at this guy. How's it going best friend of 12 years?
Ted: Well, it's kind of weird, but... I had this crazy dream the other night. It's a little embarrassing.
Barney: You can tell us, Ted. This is a safe space.
Marshall: Yeah, your feelings are perfectly natural, buddy.
Ted: Here's what happened. [fast-forward]
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then I proceed to waste a half hour of those bastards' lives, telling them about this dream I had where I ate dinner with my top 5 favorite architects throughout history.
Ted: And then, at the end of the meal, Frank Gehry slides the check over to I.M. Pei, and he says, "Buddy, tonight,
your name is I.M. Paying." [laughs] Buckminster Fuller almost did a spit take. And then I woke up.
Marshall: So, that- So, that's it?
Barney: No other dreams? Nothing confusing or erotic?
Ted: Nope.

Quote from Ted

Marshall: I'm sorry, buddy. We were just trying to help you.
Barney: And, also, it was really fun.
Ted: I don't need your help, okay? I can take care of myself. And, yeah, maybe... Maybe there are some girls who wouldn't like it that I called them right away or said things too soon, but guess what? Those aren't the right girls for me. Maybe the right girl is the one who loves that I do those things because... that's just who I am, and I'm not gonna change because of some stupid Three Days Rule. Oh, and, um, Holli spells her name with an "I".

Quote from Future Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] So I had proven that the Three Days Rule was wrong, and I was out to dinner with a pretty girl. And until right now, I've never told anyone the truth about what happened on that date.
[Ted and Holli at a restaurant:]
Holli: That's so funny! I love indie music, too. We should get married. Ha-ha. Just kidding. Or am I? Ha-ha. Just kidding again. [cut] That's it. We're totally going to Brazil together! [cut] And I went to my doctor this morning,
and he said it is all cleared up, so I'm good to go. [cut] I think I'm in love with you, Ted.
Future Ted: [v.o.] In the end, I didn't need to wait three days, but Holli really, really did. Like a lot of rules, there are times to follow them and times to not. But I will tell you this. When I got your mother's number, I called her right away.


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