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How I Met Your Mother: Last Forever

923. Last Forever

Aired March 31, 2014

Ted finally finishes telling his kids the story of how he met their mother.

Quote from Ted

[2020:]
Ted: [v.o.] Aunt Lily wasn't wrong. It was at times a long, difficult road. But I'm glad it was long and difficult, because if I hadn't gone through hell to get there, the lesson might not have been as clear. You see, kids, right from the moment I met your mom, I knew... I have to love this woman as much as I can for as long as I can, and I can never stop loving her, not even for a second. I carried that lesson with me through every stupid fight we ever had, every 5:00 a.m. Christmas morning, every sleepy Sunday afternoon. Through every speed bump, every pang of jealousy or boredom or uncertainty that came our way, I carried that lesson with me. And I carried it with me when she got sick. Even then, in what can only be called the worst of times, all I could do was thank God. Thank every god there is, or ever was, or will be, and the whole universe, and anyone else I can possibly thank... that I saw that beautiful girl on that train platform, and that I had the guts to stand up, walk over to her, tap her on the shoulder, open my mouth, and speak.

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Quote from Ted

[2030:]
Ted: Okay, suppose I were interested in Aunt Robin in that way, it's not like I'd do anything about it. I got you guys to think about.
Daughter: Dad, we love Aunt Robin.
Son: Whenever she comes over for dinner, you guys are so obvious.
Daughter: Come on, Dad. Mom's been gone for six years now. It's time.
Ted: What, I just... just call her up on the phone and ask her out on a date?
Both: Yes.
Ted: And that... that's something you guys would want?
Both: Yes!
Ted: All right, I'll give her a call.
Daughter: Do it.
Ted: I am.
Son: Call her.
Ted: I'm calling her.
Daughter: Great.
Ted: Here I go. Or...
[elsewhere, Robin arrives home with five dogs]
Robin: Alright, home sweet home. Wait one second. Okay. Okay. Stay. Ah. We'll work on that. [intercom beeps] Television, display front door security. Television, dis... Oh, for Pete's sakes.
Robin: Television, display front door security. Television, dis... Oh, for Pete's sakes.
[Robin opens the window and looks down to the street. Ted is standing there. He holds up the blue french horn. Robin smiles.]
[title: how i met your mother]

Quote from Ted

[2030:]
Ted: And that, kids... is how I met your mother.
Daughter: That's it?
Ted: That's it.
Daughter: No. I don't buy it. That is not the reason you made us listen to this.
Ted: Oh, really? Then what's the reason?
Daughter: Let's look at the facts here. You made us sit down and listen to this story about how you met mom. Yet mom's hardly in the story. No. This is a story about how you're totally in love with Aunt Robin. And you're thinking about asking her out, and you want to know if we're okay with it.
Ted: I can't believe this. I kept this story short and to the point, and you guys still missed it. The point of the story is that...
Daughter: Is that you totally, totally, totally have the hots for Aunt Robin.
Ted: No, I don't.
Daughter: Yes, you do.
Ted: You're grounded.
Son: Wow, you are really into Aunt Robin.
Ted: You're grounded, too.

Quote from Barney

[2019:]
Barney: So I put together a brand-new playbook, filled with plays I'd never tried before, like, The Mannequin
here, as in the '80s classic, I magically come to life, if you know what I mean. The Jim Nacho, where I wait till a girl mentions something she likes.
[flashback - title "The Jim Nacho":]
Woman: God, I love nachos.
Barney: Thank you. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jim, Jim Nacho. Inventor of the nacho.
[back:]
Ted: So... did you get a perfect month?
Barney: Yes.
Marshall: Then why are you so upset?
Barney: That last girl, number 31...
The Mother: Oh, that's a pretty name. What is that, French?
Barney: ...she's pregnant.

Quote from Barney

[2019:]
Ted: Wait, you're messing with us, right? You didn't really get a girl pregnant?
Barney: It's real. She's pregnant.
Marshall: Kinda puts an asterisk, on the whole perfect month thing, huh?
The Mother: Barney, are you okay?
[Jim Nantz appears next to Barney in a puff of smoke]
Barney: Ah, Jim Nantz. Thank goodness. You're always here for me in times of trouble. What should I do?
Jim Nantz: You're on your own this time, bro.
[Jim Nantz disappears in a puff of smoke]
Lily: Congratulations, Papa.
Barney: Stop it. This is a disaster.
Lily: Why?
Barney: Why? Because I'm too old. I was about to enter my golden years. My Clooney years. My daddy issues years, where I don't just remind messed-up girls of their dads because I'm emotionally distant. I freaking look like their dads. That's the dream. My life is over.

Quote from The Mother

[May 2016:]
Lily: We just peeked in on Penny asleep in the baby room. It's adorable.
Marshall: The whole place looks great, guys. But I can't believe you let Ted hang his jousting lance from the renaissance fair on your bedroom wall. [chuckles]
The Mother: Yeah. That's Ted's.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Hey! Bass player. It's me. The guy from the drug store with the diapers that hit on you, then we went outside and had a deep, emotional talk on a bus bench. I... I-I'm gonna be really surprised if I have to be more specific than that. Remember when you told me to stop messing around and go get the girl? Well, check it. I got her. What about you? You still dating that guy? [The Mother shakes her head] Grape Scotch!

Quote from Barney

[Barney and Robin in Argentina in 2016:]
Barney: This is so not great.
Robin: I'm sorry that I have to work while I'm here. It's called being on assignment.
Barney: Well, what about me? There's no Wi-Fi in this hotel. How am I supposed to run a business, Robin, with no Wi-Fi?
Robin: It's not a business, Barney, it's a blog, okay?
Barney: It is a lifestyle blog. For the upscale, sophisticated urban gentleman, and it's never gonna take off if I can't post today's boner joke.

Quote from Ted

[2020:]
Lily: I can't believe it. It's Ted Mosby's wedding day!
Ted: Yes! After only seven years and two kids. Guys, am I rushing into this?

Quote from Barney

[flashback to September 2005:]
Robin: So? No. No. You-You were in. I said, "Have you met Ted" and everything. How could that not work?
Ted: I don't know, we introduced ourselves, I bought her a drink, told her I loved her...
Robin: What?
Ted: I'm kidding.
Barney: Hold on, Roxanne, if that really is your name.
Robin: It's not. It's Robin.
Barney: You played "Have You Met Ted" without me? In my bar with my Ted? Maybe stealing a bro's wingman is okay back in... I'm sorry, what's the name of this third world banana republic you claim to be from?
Robin: Canada.
Barney: I have literally never heard of that place.

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