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‘Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

How I Met Your Mother: Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

509. Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Aired November 23, 2009

Barney is a nervous wreck when Marshall bequeaths Ted and Robin the fourth "slap bet". Meanwhile, Lily's estranged father, Mickey (Chris Elliott), shows up at her door on Thanksgiving.

Quote from Mickey

Future Ted: [v.o.] Now, Lily and her dad, Mickey, had always had a tough relationship. Mickey's dream was to invent the next great American board game. But his ideas were a little off.
[flashback to young Lily, wearing a ballerina costume, going to see her father at his work station in 1988:]
Young Lily: Daddy? You missed my ballet recital.
Mickey: Yes, sweetie, but, look! I just put the finishing touches on my new, hit board game, "Tijuana Slumlord".
[another flashback:]
Young Lily: Daddy, you missed my gymnastics meet.
Mickey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is the one! "Car Battery: how long can you hold on?" [laughs] Here, princess, grab these.
[another flashback:]
Young Lily: Daddy, I had a nightmare.
Mickey: Aw, here sweetie. Here, come play daddy's new game: "There's a Clown Demon Under the Bed!"
Young Lily: [screams]

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Quote from Mickey

[flashback to 2006 at Lily's grandparents' house:]
Lily: Dad, you should be paying rent, not living in your parents' basement.
Mickey: Hey, it's not my first choice. Having the old farts right upstairs is crimpin' my style a bit. Clearly, they're not getting the whole "sock on the doorknob" thing.
Marshall: Oh, they caught you with a girl?
Mickey: In a way.

Quote from Mickey

Future Ted: [v.o.] Which brings us back to Thanksgiving of 2009.
Mickey: [holding a board game he developed] Hey, princess. I brought "Diseases"!
[Lily slams the door]

Quote from Mickey

Marshall: Hey, Mickey. Just hang tight, okay? We'll, we'll work this out.
Mickey: Take your time, amigo. I'm okay as long as I have "Diseases"! The fun's infectious. [laughs]
[Marshall closes the door on Mickey again]

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you remember Barney and Marshall's "slap bet". When Barney lost, Marshall won the right to slap Barney five times as hard as he could. So far, he'd used three slaps of those five slaps. With the third being doled out exactly two years earlier on Thanksgiving day 2007. A day that history came to know as "Slapsgiving".
Ted: Are you saying...
Robin: What we think you're saying?
Marshall: Probably not. Unless you think I'm saying "Slapsgiving Two: Revenge of the Slap", in which case, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying!

Quote from Marshall

Robin: Wait, Marshall, you realize you'll only have one left after this. Are you sure you want to spend this slap today?
Marshall: Life is short. I figured, Slap-e Diem. Rule number one: the slap must occur before sundown, so as not to interfere with Lily's meal. Two, you have to decide amongst yourselves who gets to do it. Three, we're going to tie Barney to this chair, which shall henceforth be referred to as the slapping throne. Sound fair?

Quote from Lily

Marshall: I even understood when Mr. Park from the bodega downstairs was "dead to you."
[flashback to Lily at the store:]
Lily: One coffee, please. Oh, but only if you have decaf. I don't want to be up all night.
Mr. Park: Dollar fifty.
Man: Coffee, regular.
Mr. Park: Dollar fifty.
Lily: Excuse me. Are you sure mine was decaf? You just used the same pot.
Mr. Park: I lie to him. Okay?
Lily: Oh, okay.
[cut to Lily wide awake in bed:]
Lily: You son of a bitch. That was not decaf!
[Lily returns to the bodega in the middle of the night:]
Lily: That was not decaf!
[Lily gives Mr. Park her "dead to me" look]

Quote from Mickey

Marshall: A family should be that close. And I want our future family to be that close. And that includes your dad.
Lily: I can't believe you're taking his side.
Marshall: Lily.
Lily: Let me be clear on this. That man will never cross the threshold into this home, ever!
[cut to Marshall at the front door:]
Marshall: It's just gonna be, like, five more minutes.
Mickey: Hopefully soon, amigo. I'm fighting a losing battle with hemorrhoids here.
Marshall: Oh, that's one of the diseases?
Mickey: No.

Quote from Mickey

[The game timer dings. A piece explodes, covering a thick yellow liquid across Mickey, Marshall and the Thanksgiving dinner]
Robin: Oh, my God.
Ted: What just happened?
Mickey: Sorry, Ted. Gallbladder burst. You move back three spaces.
Marshall: You come in here, and you watch your daughter leave, and you don't even care. And now you've destroyed Thanksgiving dinner! Lily worked all day on this!
Mickey: Relax. It's not real bile. It's just lead-based paint from China. And horse bile.

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] In November 2009, Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily hosted the first Thanksgiving at their very own apartment. And Marshall had found the perfect turkey.
[Marshall gets out of a cab while talking on his cell phone]
Marshall: Oh, baby, it is beautiful. It's 22 pounds. It's organic. Remember my bald Uncle Heinrek? It looks exactly like his head.
[The cab drives away]
Marshall: Oh, my God. My turkey! My turkey!
Future Ted: [v.o.] So, when we showed up for the big day, Marshall was pretty bummed out.
Robin: Well, we got the turkey.
Marshall: No, you didn't. You got the pathetic replacement turkey. Damn it, you know, why didn't I listen to the prerecorded voice of former mayor Ed Koch reminding me to take my belongings?

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