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46Quotes from ‘Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap’

How I Met Your Mother: Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

509. Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Aired November 23, 2009

Barney is a nervous wreck when Marshall bequeaths Ted and Robin the fourth "slap bet". Meanwhile, Lily's estranged father, Mickey (Chris Elliott), shows up at her door on Thanksgiving.

Quote from Mickey

Future Ted: [v.o.] Now, Lily and her dad, Mickey, had always had a tough relationship. Mickey's dream was to invent the next great American board game. But his ideas were a little off.
[flashback to young Lily, wearing a ballerina costume, going to see her father at his work station in 1988:]
Young Lily: Daddy? You missed my ballet recital.
Mickey: Yes, sweetie, but, look! I just put the finishing touches on my new, hit board game, "Tijuana Slumlord".
[another flashback:]
Young Lily: Daddy, you missed my gymnastics meet.
Mickey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is the one! "Car Battery: how long can you hold on?" [laughs] Here, princess, grab these.
[another flashback:]
Young Lily: Daddy, I had a nightmare.
Mickey: Aw, here sweetie. Here, come play daddy's new game: "There's a Clown Demon Under the Bed!"
Young Lily: [screams]

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Quote from Mickey

[flashback to 2006 at Lily's grandparents' house:]
Lily: Dad, you should be paying rent, not living in your parents' basement.
Mickey: Hey, it's not my first choice. Having the old farts right upstairs is crimpin' my style a bit. Clearly, they're not getting the whole "sock on the doorknob" thing.
Marshall: Oh, they caught you with a girl?
Mickey: In a way.

Quote from Mickey

Future Ted: [v.o.] Which brings us back to Thanksgiving of 2009.
Mickey: [holding a board game he developed] Hey, princess. I brought "Diseases"!
[Lily slams the door]

Quote from Mickey

Marshall: Hey, Mickey. Just hang tight, okay? We'll, we'll work this out.
Mickey: Take your time, amigo. I'm okay as long as I have "Diseases"! The fun's infectious. [laughs]
[Marshall closes the door on Mickey again]

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you remember Barney and Marshall's "slap bet". When Barney lost, Marshall won the right to slap Barney five times as hard as he could. So far, he'd used three slaps of those five slaps. With the third being doled out exactly two years earlier on Thanksgiving day 2007. A day that history came to know as "Slapsgiving".
Ted: Are you saying...
Robin: What we think you're saying?
Marshall: Probably not. Unless you think I'm saying "Slapsgiving Two: Revenge of the Slap", in which case, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying!

Quote from Marshall

Robin: Wait, Marshall, you realize you'll only have one left after this. Are you sure you want to spend this slap today?
Marshall: Life is short. I figured, Slap-e Diem. Rule number one: the slap must occur before sundown, so as not to interfere with Lily's meal. Two, you have to decide amongst yourselves who gets to do it. Three, we're going to tie Barney to this chair, which shall henceforth be referred to as the slapping throne. Sound fair?

Quote from Lily

Marshall: I even understood when Mr. Park from the bodega downstairs was "dead to you."
[flashback to Lily at the store:]
Lily: One coffee, please. Oh, but only if you have decaf. I don't want to be up all night.
Mr. Park: Dollar fifty.
Man: Coffee, regular.
Mr. Park: Dollar fifty.
Lily: Excuse me. Are you sure mine was decaf? You just used the same pot.
Mr. Park: I lie to him. Okay?
Lily: Oh, okay.
[cut to Lily wide awake in bed:]
Lily: You son of a bitch. That was not decaf!
[Lily returns to the bodega in the middle of the night:]
Lily: That was not decaf!
[Lily gives Mr. Park her "dead to me" look]

Quote from Mickey

Marshall: A family should be that close. And I want our future family to be that close. And that includes your dad.
Lily: I can't believe you're taking his side.
Marshall: Lily.
Lily: Let me be clear on this. That man will never cross the threshold into this home, ever!
[cut to Marshall at the front door:]
Marshall: It's just gonna be, like, five more minutes.
Mickey: Hopefully soon, amigo. I'm fighting a losing battle with hemorrhoids here.
Marshall: Oh, that's one of the diseases?
Mickey: No.

Quote from Mickey

[The game timer dings. A piece explodes, covering a thick yellow liquid across Mickey, Marshall and the Thanksgiving dinner]
Robin: Oh, my God.
Ted: What just happened?
Mickey: Sorry, Ted. Gallbladder burst. You move back three spaces.
Marshall: You come in here, and you watch your daughter leave, and you don't even care. And now you've destroyed Thanksgiving dinner! Lily worked all day on this!
Mickey: Relax. It's not real bile. It's just lead-based paint from China. And horse bile.

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] In November 2009, Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily hosted the first Thanksgiving at their very own apartment. And Marshall had found the perfect turkey.
[Marshall gets out of a cab while talking on his cell phone]
Marshall: Oh, baby, it is beautiful. It's 22 pounds. It's organic. Remember my bald Uncle Heinrek? It looks exactly like his head.
[The cab drives away]
Marshall: Oh, my God. My turkey! My turkey!
Future Ted: [v.o.] So, when we showed up for the big day, Marshall was pretty bummed out.
Robin: Well, we got the turkey.
Marshall: No, you didn't. You got the pathetic replacement turkey. Damn it, you know, why didn't I listen to the prerecorded voice of former mayor Ed Koch reminding me to take my belongings?

Quote from Mickey

Future Ted: [v.o.] Her whole life, Mickey disappointed Lily. And she always put up with it, until one day in 2006 when Lily went to visit her grandparents.
Marshall: So, Rita, are you excited about the big move to Florida?
Rita: Actually, dear, slight change of plans. We're staying here for the time being.
Morris: We had a slight financial hiccup.
Mickey: [o.s.] Mom, the straw to my juice box broke!

Quote from Mickey

[flashback to 2006 at Lily's grandparents' house:]
Mickey: Ma, chop chop! Oh, hey, guys. What a pleasant surprise.
Lily: Dad, wat happened to your apartment?
Mickey: Oh, well, I had a little falling out with my roommate.
Lily: What happened?
Mickey: Uh, well, he wanted me to pay rent. Got kind of ugly.

Quote from Mickey

[flashback to 2006 at Lily's grandparents' house:]
Morris: Bye, sweetheart. I'm off to work.
Lily: Work? You're retired.
Morris: Now that I have an extra mouth to feed, I had to go back to the steel mill. Rita, where's my truss?
Lily: [to Mickey] So, not only did you stop them from moving to Florida, but now you forced Grandpa to go back to work?
Mickey: Just until I get Aldrin Games Unlimited off the ground with my new sensation: "Dog Fight Promoter".
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then Lily gave her dad a look that Marshall had only seen a few times before. A look we all prayed never to be on the receiving end of: Her "you're dead to me" look.

Quote from Barney

Robin: God, I hope Lily's okay.
Ted: Me, too. She doesn't talk about it much, but this thing with her dad causes her a lot of pain.
Barney: Just tell me which one of you is gonna slap me!
Ted: What?
Barney: I'm dying over here! Ted reaches for a chip, I flinch! Robin fixes her hair, I flinch! I'm doing so much flinching. It's bad for my skin. I'm getting crow's feet. Crow's feet!

Quote from Lily

Marshall: Lily, come on, it's been three years, okay? That's long enough.
Lily: Having him in my life causes me nothing but stress. It's just easier for him to be dead to me.
Marshall: Lily, look, I supported you when our neighbor, Mr. Ossias, was "dead to you".
[flashback to Lily going out in the hall to find an elderly neighbor returning to his apartment:]
Lily: That's our newspaper.
Mr. Ossias: You'll get it back in 15 minutes. Make it 20. I had a steak last night.
[Lily gives him her "dead to me" look"]

Quote from Lily

Marshall: And I was fine when your bridesmaid, Whitney, was "dead to you".
[flashback to the wedding:]
Robin: Oh, Lily, you look so amazing!
Bridesmaid: That dress is gorgeous!
Lily: Thanks, guys.
Whitney: Um... I'm just not a fan of strapless.
[Lily gives Whitney her "dead to me" look]

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Lily, he's family, okay? And I'm sorry, but you just don't cut off family.
Lily: Oh, well, that's easy for you to say when you come from the most ridiculously close family in the world.
Marshall: We are not ridiculously close.
Lily: Really? What about the Eriksen family dinner every single Sunday?
[flashback to the whole Eriksen family gathered around the table:]
Marvin Sr.: Everything looks delicious, Mother Eriksen.
Judy Eriksen: Thank you, Papa Oear. Marshall ,would you say grace?
[At the end of the table, a laptop is set up with Marshall appearing by video chat]
Marshall: Well, I would be happy to, mother. Everyone, please join hands. Dear Lord...

Quote from Marshall

[flashback to Marshall meeting Mickey at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: But... It doesn't have to be that way. We can fix this, right?
Mickey: [scoffs] You know, I always thought it'd get fixed at the wedding. I even wrote a toast. But then, no invite. Hell, I haven't even seen a wedding photo.
Marshall: [v.o.] And then, right before my eyes, your father broke down crying.
[Marshall starts sobbing]
Marshall: That's it! You're coming to Thanksgiving!

Quote from Lily

Marshall: Mr. Park's? This is the last place I expected to find you.
Lily: Marshall.
Marshall: Lily, I'm sorry. But just hear me out. I used to think that family was a right. But it's not. It's a privilege, and it has to be earned. I kicked your dad out. And I promise, baby, I will never make you see him again.
Lily: [crying] What?
Marshall: Baby, what happened?
Lily: Marshall, I came in here because it was cold and this was the only place that was open. I wasn't even gonna look Mr. Park in the eye. And then I found out... Mr. Park died.
Marshall: Oh, my God.
Lily: He really is dead to me! And if I feel this bad about never making up with Mr. Park, a guy who meant
literally nothing to me...
[The Korean woman behind the counter cries]
Lily: We got to go get my dad.
Future Ted: [v.o.] So that's how on Thanksgiving 2009, your aunt Lily performed a miracle. She brought a man back from the dead.

Quote from Mickey

[TV commercial:]
Announcer: New from Aldrin Games Unlimited, it's... Slap Bet! The slap-happy game that's a real hit.
Chorus: [singing] You just got slapped, across the face, my friend...
Announcer: For kids of all ages.
Chorus: [singing] You just got slapped, that really just happened... Everybody saw it, everybody laughed and clapped, 'cause it was awesome...
Boy: I win!
Chorus: [singing] The way that you just got slapped.
Announcer: Slap yourself silly with Slap Bet, the happy hitting game from Aldrin.


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