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33Quotes from ‘The Pineapple Incident’

How I Met Your Mother: The Pineapple Incident

110. The Pineapple Incident

Aired November 28, 2005

After Barney encourages Ted to let loose one night, in the morning he must piece together how he ended up in bed with a woman... and a pineapple.

Quote from Ted

Carl: If he pukes, one of you guys cleans it up.
Lily: No dibs.
Marshall: Oh.
Barney: No... Dammit!
Ted: How quickly you all forget. I haven't puked since high school. I am vomit-free since ninety-three. Vomit free since ninety-three. That's funny. I'm funny.

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Quote from Marshall

Ted: We're not really doing shots, are we?
Lily: I hope not.
Barney: No, no.
Lily: These look kinda like blood.
Marshall: Okay, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?
Barney: That's ridiculous.
Marshall: I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark.
Robin: Oh my God, that does describe a vampire. Or you know, a bartender.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Well, I should go get dressed.
Ted: Where are you going, buddy? Hot date?
Lily: I'll say, she's going out with a billionaire.
Robin: Lily, I told you not to call him that.
Ted: Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire?
Robin: He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred millionaire. Why do people always round up?

Quote from Barney

Ted: So, uh, where's Thurston Howell taking you?
Robin: A charity dinner.
Lily: Yeah, $2000 a plate.
Robin: $1500. Stop rounding up. And it's for third world hunger.
Barney: You gonna put out? What? There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner and it's not so little Mutu can get his malaria pills.
Lily: I think my soul just threw up a little bit.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Okay, think about this, is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it?
Lily: Garlic fries.
Marshall: Okay, well, I'll get back to you.

Quote from Ted

Ted: [on the phone] Hello, Robin. It's Ted.
Robin: Oh, hi, Ted.
Ted: Hello, Robin. It's Ted.
Robin: Hi, Ted. Sounds like you're having fun.
Ted: Robin, have I ever told you that I'm vomit-free since ninety-three?
Robin: Listen, Ted, I can't really talk right... '93? Dude, that's impressive.
Ted: I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, and a great reporter. You should be on 60 Minutes. You should be one of the minutes.
Robin: That's sweet and odd. But I'm kinda on a date right now.
Ted: Yeah, and I disagree with Barney. Just 'cause this guy is spending a lot of money doesn't mean you have to put out. Take it slow, Robin, take it slow. Slow.
Robin: Bye Ted.
Ted: Slow.

Quote from Ted

[Cheap Trick's "Voices" plays on the jukebox]
Marshall: Cheap Trick? Oh Ted.
Robin: [answering phone] Hello again, Ted.
Ted: [singing] Hey, it's me again. Plain to see again. Please can I see you every day? [yelling] I love everyone in this bar.
Marshall: And we love you, drunk Ted.
Ted: [singing] I'm a fool again. I fell in love... [Ted falls off the table]

Quote from Ted

Ted: Barney, you've always taken care of me. You are a gentleman and a scholar. Go into my stable and take my finest stallion. He's yours, his name is Windjammer.
Barney: Sleep it off, bro.

Quote from Ted

Ted: I threw up? My streak is over. Vomit-free since '05 doesn't sound good.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Carl, did you know the word karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra? Isn't that hauntingly beautiful? Are you a vampire?
Carl: I am cutting you off. Go home and get some sleep, Ted.
Ted: Yeah, sun's gonna come up soon. Wouldn't want to be around for that, would we?

Quote from Ted

[flashback:]
Ted: What are you doing in the men's room? What am I doing in the ladies' room? Oh right, I came in here 'cause I thought I was gonna throw up.
Trudy: Did you?
Ted: I did not.
[present:]
Ted: And the streak continues. Vomit-free since '93.


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