Barney: Lily, here's the thing. It's my apartment, and I need to assert my dominance as a man.
Robin: Don't ever say that to any girl ever.
Barney: Too late.
[flashback to Barney and Quinn in his apartment:]
Quinn: What did you just say to me?
[present:]
Robin: She gave up her apartment for you!
Lily: You said that to her?!
Barney: Okay, you know what? I don't have to sit here and take this from you ladies. I'm going to Ted's. The man cave, where guys can be guys.
[later, at Ted's:]
Ted: Assert your dominance?
Marshall: It's like you have no respect for women.
Ted: What is wrong with you?
Marshall: You have a mother!
Barney: You guys, too? I'm going to the Y for a shvitz.

[flashback to 2003:]
Marshall: What about you, Barney? Any predictions for 2006?
Barney: Oh, yeah. Picture it.
[fantasy scene in 2006:]
Barney: By the way, guys, this is Jody. You'll be seeing a lot more of Jody. [shows her out] And they never saw her again. Whassup!
[back:]
Marshall: How is that any different from your life right now?
Barney: It's not. I'm KFC, baby. You don't mess with the Colonel's recipe. I want things to stay exactly the same, but with a different hottie. 'Cause Barney don't slurp no sloppy seconds especially his own.

[flashback to 2006:]
Barney: A baby in a trucker hat. That's awesome. Anyway, Ted's right. 2009's gonna rule.
[fantasy scene in 2009:]
Barney: By the way, guys, this is Maya. You'll be seeing a lot more of Maya. [shows her out] And they never saw her again. Whassup!
[back:]
Ted: Okay, seriously, at least tell me you're gonna change the what will by then be nine-year-old beer commercial reference.

Marshall: Hey, buddy, I get that you're bummed. But I got a good feeling about 2015. I think that's gonna be your year.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, that was the one time I ever lost faith in the idea that my life would be better in three years. And what's funny is, three years from that moment, my life was amazing.
[fantasy scene in 2015:]
Marshall: All right! It's trilogy time.
Barney: Can I just lodge one complaint? This is a guy's tradition. It's kind of a lame move on Ted's part to bring a chick.
Marshall: Come on, dude, cut him some slack.
Barney: I know. He loves her. She is pretty damn cute.
Ted: [holding a baby] Thank God she takes after her mother.
Barney: All right, let's watch this thing!
Marshall: TV, play Star Wars trilogy. Play Star Wars tril... You know what? Screw it.
Ted: [to the baby] Okay, you are about to see something awesome.
Barney: And just know this: Han shot first.
Marshall: I wonder if things'll be a lot different when we watch the trilogy again in 2018.
Ted: I hope not.

Woman: Chester, you're not even dressed. The reservation is in 15 minutes.
Chester: Shh! He's back. Every night at exactly 8:00 p.m., the well-dressed blond man appears.
Woman: Chuck and Joanne are going to be waiting.
Chester: You don't understand! Every night, he does this. Every single night. He steps out of this building, walks exactly seven paces, stops, and smiles.
Woman: Honey, I am worried about you.
Chester: Is he trying to communicate with someone? Is he trying to communicate with me? Why is he doing this?!
[cut to MacLaren's:]
Robin: But aside from not being able to fart in the apartment, how's living with Quinn?
Barney: Oh, it's great.

Barney: Yep. Living with Quinn is great. Great, great, great... great.
Robin: So how bad is it?
Barney: Pretty bad. Last night, I had just come back from my 8:00 fart.
Robin: Sure.
Lily: Go on.
[flashback to Barney returning to his apartment:]
Barney: Still no mail.
Quinn: I think they only deliver it once a day. Hey, listen, when I moved in here, I sold all my stuff because I know you like your place as is, and I was totally fine with that. Would it be okay if instead of using your coffee mugs, we use mine?
Barney: Hmm... No.

Robin: Barney, she got rid of all of her stuff for you.
Lily: Oh, I see what this is really about.
Barney: Yeah, mugs. Coffee? Tea? Eh, religion.
Lily: This is about the fact that you don't think this relationship is gonna last. That's why you don't want to throw anything out. Because when that inevitable breakup comes, you don't want to buy new mugs.
Robin: That's why I've never thrown anything out for any relationship ever. [to the empty seat next to her] Isn't that right, honey? Oh, that's right. I'm alone.

Ted: No, dude, hold on. You're not going anywhere. It's trilogy time.
All: [cheer]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, here's the deal with trilogy time. It all started a long time ago in a dorm room far, far away. Dude, if we fail this econ final, for the rest of our lives we're not gonna be able to...
[flashback to Ted and Marshall's dorm room:]
Marshall: Dude, if we fail this econ final, for the rest of our lives we're not going to be able to... We won't know how to... Do you even know what econ is?
Ted: No idea. We're screwed. But there's only one thing left to do at at time like this. Watch the entire Star Wars trilogy all the way through because I haven't done that in, like, five years.
Marshall: Dude, you can't let that happen. If you're not trilling it at least once every three years, the Dark Side wins.

[fantasy scene: college-era Ted and Marshall imagine what 2003 will be like:]
Marshall: Hey, Ted. Sweet hair.
Ted: I told you it would eventually stop growing out and start growing down.
Marshall: Anyway, I'm just working on designing yet another skyscraper. And I'm carrying this briefcase because now I'm a successful lawyer...
[college era:]
Marshall: I like that. Can I make one adjustment?
[fantasy:]
Marshall: With a cool mustache.

[flashback to Ted and Marshall in their college dorm room:]
Ted: And who knows, by then, you and Lily might be engaged.
Marshall: Engaged? Bro, I'm gonna do way better than that.
[fantasy scene as Ted & Marshall imagine what 2003 will look like:]
Lily: Ah, being pregnant is so much fun. I want to do this four more times.
Marshall: Oh, baby, how do you feel after spending all day working on your art, since I make enough to support us both financially?
Lily: Horny. I hope we don't bother you, Ted, because even though we're married and pregnant, it still makes sense that we all share adult-sized bunk beds.
Ted: So, Star Wars?
Marshall: Sure, I don't have to be at work until late afternoon-ish because my boss appreciates that I like to stay up late drinking and rocking out with our band.
Robin: [enters] Did someone say rocking out?
[college:]
Marshall: Whoa, who's the babe?
Ted: That's the best part.
[fantasy:]
Ted: Guys, you remember my awesome girlfriend who was a virgin until we met?
Robin: My name's Rhiannon, like the Stevie Nicks song. I'm hot, but in a crunchy, earthy kind of way. [British accent] Oh, and I'm from England.
Marshall: Nice. Okay, Star Wars time. But first, we jam.
Ted: Good thing I spent the last three years learning to wail on guitar.