Ted: [on answering machine] Hey, Marshall. Are you lying on the couch right now moping about Lily? You are, aren't you? Well, stop it. She's not worth it. You gotta get over that Grinch.
Future Ted: [v.o.] But I didn't say "Grinch." I said a bad word. A very, very bad word.
Ted: Oh, fudge.
Future Ted: But I didn't say fudge.

Robin: You have to go home and get to bed.
Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... [Barney falls asleep]

Ted: She took the decorations. She took the decorations! What a Grinch!
Future Ted: [v.o.] That time I did say "Grinch."

Ted: Grinchy, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch.
[The lights go out]
Lily: Happy? Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs.
Ted: Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I...
Man: [o.s.] You use that language again and I'll turn off your water!
Lily: That's my super. He lives above me. Great. Thanks to your filthy mouth, now I'm going to have Christmas alone in the dark.

Ted: Are you sick?
Barney: [with a blocked nose] Is it sick to find maturity and experience sexy?
Ted: No, I meant do you have a cold?
Barney: I'm fine. [blows nose] I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out. Now, if you'll excuse me, the holidays are a time when people are lonely and desperate. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as you know, Christmas is a time you spend with your family. So in December of 2006, I had three options. Spend it with my mom and her new boyfriend Clint, spend it with my dad and his new girlfriend micro-brewing, or head down to Staten Island to spend it with my super-religious cousin Stacy and her family. So I opted for none of the above and decided to spend Christmas 2006 in Manhattan, celebrating with my other family.

Marshall: Okay, I have one last paper due at 5:00 p.m. today, so until then, I will be at the law library at school, but I'm not to be disturbed for any reason.
Ted: Dude, open your eyes. You're going to hurt yourself.
Marshall: No, no. Christmas Eve winter wonderland is my reward for finishing my paper. Baby, do I smell your Sinfully Cinnamon Cookies?
Lily: Yes.
Marshall: Damn me and my heightened other senses. Must be strong. Okay, I'll be back here at 5:00. Save me at least 20 cookies and do not clean the bowl. Was that a reindeer? I don't want to know!

Lily: Hey, look. Our old answering machine.
Ted: Oh, yeah. After you left, we, uh, we unplugged it because it reminded Marshall of how you used to, you know, leave messages. But hey, you guys are back together. I say we're plugging it back in. It's good to have you back.
Lily: Thanks. Oh, hey, look, there's still some messages on here.
Alfred Mosby: [on answering machine] Hey Ted, it's Dad calling to check in. I'm going fishing this weekend with my friend Clint, so if I don't hear from you beforehand, I'll talk to you next week.
Ted: Yes, same Clint.

Robin: Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy boy.
Ted: Why is this such a big deal? It's just a word. We use lots of words, every day. It shouldn't be any different than any other word.
Barney: [with blocked nose] Then why don't you say it now?
Ted: Grinch. [notices woman walking by] You timed that didn't you?
Barney: Perfectly.

Barney: Ted Vivian Mosby!
Ted: That's not my middle name.
Barney: [with blocked nose] You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Ted: Like you've never said that word.
Barney: I don't kiss your mother with my mouth. Yet. [Barney sneezes]