Ted: Guys, I'm kind of screwed here. I don't want to lose Victoria, but I can't ask her to stay just for me. And long distance definitely isn't an option.
Marshall: No. No, no, no. No way. You know who likes long distance? Girls. It's all talking and no sex. Kill me now.
Barney: Don't knock long-distance relationships. I really think they can work.
Ted: Really? You?
Barney: Absolutely. I'm juggling four right now. There's Lisa in Madrid, there's Erica in Tokyo, there's Laura in Denmark, and Kelly on 34th Street. [Irish accent] The lass thinks I'm a humble sheep shearer from Killarney.

Barney: [to Marshall] Look at us, two guys in suits. You feel that slight tingle? That's every girl in the bar wanting you, and every guy wanting to be you. Actually, it's mostly me, but you're getting some of the splash.

Barney: Um, are you coloring in your butt?
Marshall: I have a big interview coming up, and my suit has holes in it. I can't sew, I don't own Navy boxers, so, yeah, I'm coloring in my butt.
Barney: So wear another one.
Marshall: I don't have another one. I'm flat broke. My only other suit options are track or birthday.

Ted: Wait. Germany, Europe?
Victoria: It's for two years. I figured I didn't have much of a chance, 'cause they don't let many Americans in, but... I'm in.
Ted: So, this is the Europe Germany?
Victoria: What other Germany would it be?
Ted: The one in Epcot?

Marshall: Hey, Barney, I'm not sure about this. A tailor in the back room of a pet store?
Barney: Look, do you want a quality suit and a free rabbit or not?

Robin: Victoria, have you decided what to do about your doughnut fellowship?
Victoria: You know, I don't know. I mean, I want to go, but I don't want to lose Ted. I even thought about long distance, as if that ever works.
Lily: Ugh. All talking and no sex. Kill me now.

Victoria and Robin: Oh!
Lily: It's okay, guys, I hate it.
Victoria: Just horrible.
Robin: It's bad, it's really bad. Short in front, long in the back? That is the mullet of wedding dresses.

Robin: Lily, you have to tell him. That dress cost a fortune.
Lily: No, I'm just gonna wait for the next time Marshall really screws up, and then, I'll just slip this in, and it won't seem so bad by comparison.
Robin: Well, here's hoping he cheats on you.
Lily: Yeah, but only, like, second base.

Barney: So, have you thought more about coming to work for Barney Corp?
Lily: Oh, please, your company is not called Barney Corp.
Barney: Yet.

Barney: Oh, I almost forgot. Sergei sent me your bill.
Marshall: B- Barney, this says $4,000. I thought you said that it was one-third price.
Barney: Eh, must be a $12,000 suit. Oh, well, guess you'll have to come work at my company.
Marshall: You set this up! You set this whole thing up!
Barney: I most certainly did!