Ted: How we doing on time? Taxi!
Stella: We got a little time.
Ted: Okay. Do you want to walk it?
Stella: Why not?
Ranjit: Hello! [Ted taps the roof of the taxi] Good-bye!

Barney: [laughs hysterically]
Ted: Why? Just why?
Barney: You don't remember?
[flashback to one year earlier:]
Barney: I'll bet anyone ten bucks I can get Ted to grow a mustache.
Ted: Uh... okay.
[present:]
Ted: You sabotaged my next to last chance with Stella for ten dollars?
Barney: [laughing] I know. I would've done it for free. [seriously] But, no. You owe me ten bucks.

Stella: Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp. My bread and butter. So I'm guessing that the real story involves a bad breakup and some booze. Unless it's a gang tattoo, in which case, I think it's time to find a new gang.
Ted: No, I just thought it would be cool to get a caterpillar tattoo, and then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden...

Ted: So we got off to a rocky start. That may be a problem for some guys, but I get better over time. Right? I'm not some Top 40 song... easily digestible. I'm complex. I require time and multiple listens. I'm Stairway to Heaven.
Robin: Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. That's not the right guy, is it? He's not even dead, is he?

Woman #1: Is something wrong?
Ted: No, it's just, um... I'm just a little embarrassed. I thought this was a date. But it's no big deal. Don't worry about it.
Woman #2: What's wrong?
Woman #1: Ted's embarrassed because he thought this was a date.
Woman #2: [to Woman #3] Ted thought this was a date.
Woman #3: Stella, did you know Ted thought this was a date?
Stella: What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. It's an AMA rule.
Woman #3: She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule.
Woman #2: She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule.
Woman #1: She's not allowed to date...
Ted: Yeah, I got it.
Man: We all got it. Ted's a schmuck.

Barney: Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 8.3 seconds. After that, her decision is made. She will not change her mind.
Ted: That's ridiculous.
Barney: Is it? Describe your first 8.3 seconds with Stella.
[flashback to Ted in the waiting room:]
Stella: Lower back butterfly tattoo, you're up.
[Ted and a woman stand up at the same time]

Ted: Give me ten sessions, I'm going to turn that "no" into a "yes."
Barney: Really, Ted? You think so? Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go?
[flashback to Ted on the table in Stella's surgery:]
Stella: This is going to hurt a little.
Ted: Yeah, well, I can handle pain. This one time I was playing tennis, and... [high-pitched scream]
[present:]
Lily: Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts. Everyone probably sounds like that.
[flashback:]
Abby: Doctor, are you all right? I heard a woman screaming in here. Oh.

Ted: Anyway, I don't get it. She should be into me by now.
Lily: You know, you can do this, Ted. I said that I would stop biting my nails, and kablamey. It's just a challenge. It can't be easy to woo someone while you're sticking your naked butt in their face.
Marshall: Works for baboons. It's called "presenting."

Ted: You know what's on her shelf? That self-help book The Power of Me.
Ted: I know, I know, but I thought if I read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about.
Marshall: It's actually a great book. It taught me the power of complete memory.
Ted: Can I borrow your copy?
Marshall: I left it somewhere. I forget.

Barney: Okay, I'm back. [to Robin] What's going on at work?
Ted: What's the big secret?!
Barney: Oh. Oh, right.
[flashback to Barney on his phone in MacLaren's:]
Barney: [on the phone] Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please.
Abby: Sure, what's it regarding?
Barney: Oh, I just want to see her. Want to look at her, see what she looks like.
Abby: I-I don't understand.
Barney: I'm sorry, did I accidentally oprima numero dos when I called? Do you speak English? I want to see her!
Abby: Sir, please don't yell at me because when people yell at me, I have a tendency to start crying.
Barney: What are your credentials?!
Abby: Please don't do that. Please.
Barney: I want to know who am I speaking with!