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‘Ten Sessions’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

How I Met Your Mother: Ten Sessions

313. Ten Sessions

Aired March 24, 2008

Over the course of ten sessions with his dermatologist, Stella, Ted hopes to change her mind about going out with him.

Quote from Ranjit

Ted: How we doing on time? Taxi!
Stella: We got a little time.
Ted: Okay. Do you want to walk it?
Stella: Why not?
Ranjit: Hello! [Ted taps the roof of the taxi] Good-bye!

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Quote from Ted

Barney: [laughs hysterically]
Ted: Why? Just why?
Barney: You don't remember?
[flashback to one year earlier:]
Barney: I'll bet anyone ten bucks I can get Ted to grow a mustache.
Ted: Uh... okay.
[present:]
Ted: You sabotaged my next to last chance with Stella for ten dollars?
Barney: [laughing] I know. I would've done it for free. [seriously] But, no. You owe me ten bucks.

Quote from Ted

Stella: Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp. My bread and butter. So I'm guessing that the real story involves a bad breakup and some booze. Unless it's a gang tattoo, in which case, I think it's time to find a new gang.
Ted: No, I just thought it would be cool to get a caterpillar tattoo, and then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden...

Quote from Robin

Ted: So we got off to a rocky start. That may be a problem for some guys, but I get better over time. Right? I'm not some Top 40 song... easily digestible. I'm complex. I require time and multiple listens. I'm Stairway to Heaven.
Robin: Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. That's not the right guy, is it? He's not even dead, is he?

Quote from Ted

Woman #1: Is something wrong?
Ted: No, it's just, um... I'm just a little embarrassed. I thought this was a date. But it's no big deal. Don't worry about it.
Woman #2: What's wrong?
Woman #1: Ted's embarrassed because he thought this was a date.
Woman #2: [to Woman #3] Ted thought this was a date.
Woman #3: Stella, did you know Ted thought this was a date?
Stella: What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. It's an AMA rule.
Woman #3: She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule.
Woman #2: She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule.
Woman #1: She's not allowed to date...
Ted: Yeah, I got it.
Man: We all got it. Ted's a schmuck.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 8.3 seconds. After that, her decision is made. She will not change her mind.
Ted: That's ridiculous.
Barney: Is it? Describe your first 8.3 seconds with Stella.
[flashback to Ted in the waiting room:]
Stella: Lower back butterfly tattoo, you're up.
[Ted and a woman stand up at the same time]

Quote from Ted

Ted: Give me ten sessions, I'm going to turn that "no" into a "yes."
Barney: Really, Ted? You think so? Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go?
[flashback to Ted on the table in Stella's surgery:]
Stella: This is going to hurt a little.
Ted: Yeah, well, I can handle pain. This one time I was playing tennis, and... [high-pitched scream]
[present:]
Lily: Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts. Everyone probably sounds like that.
[flashback:]
Abby: Doctor, are you all right? I heard a woman screaming in here. Oh.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: Anyway, I don't get it. She should be into me by now.
Lily: You know, you can do this, Ted. I said that I would stop biting my nails, and kablamey. It's just a challenge. It can't be easy to woo someone while you're sticking your naked butt in their face.
Marshall: Works for baboons. It's called "presenting."

Quote from Marshall

Ted: You know what's on her shelf? That self-help book The Power of Me.
Ted: I know, I know, but I thought if I read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about.
Marshall: It's actually a great book. It taught me the power of complete memory.
Ted: Can I borrow your copy?
Marshall: I left it somewhere. I forget.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Okay, I'm back. [to Robin] What's going on at work?
Ted: What's the big secret?!
Barney: Oh. Oh, right.
[flashback to Barney on his phone in MacLaren's:]
Barney: [on the phone] Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please.
Abby: Sure, what's it regarding?
Barney: Oh, I just want to see her. Want to look at her, see what she looks like.
Abby: I-I don't understand.
Barney: I'm sorry, did I accidentally oprima numero dos when I called? Do you speak English? I want to see her!
Abby: Sir, please don't yell at me because when people yell at me, I have a tendency to start crying.
Barney: What are your credentials?!
Abby: Please don't do that. Please.
Barney: I want to know who am I speaking with!

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