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33Quotes from ‘Symphony of Illumination’

How I Met Your Mother: Symphony of Illumination

712. Symphony of Illumination

Aired December 5, 2011

Robin asks Barney to keep the secret that she might be pregnant and he's the father. Meanwhile, Marshall tries to decorate the house for Christmas with the help of a neighbor kid.

Quote from Robin

Lily: Are you okay?
Robin: Yeah, yeah, um, I guess this, um, this pole-vaulting thing is finally hitting me.
Lily: I don't get it, Robin. Did you really want to be a pole-vaulter?
Robin: No, no, I was, uh, I was always adamantly against having a, uh, a pole-vaulting career, even though it's
what most women want.
Lily: Most women want to be a pole-vaulter?
Robin: In Canada. It's very big up there. You know, it's, it's meet a nice guy, get married, vault some poles, but I... never wanted that. Of course, it's one thing not to want something. It's another to be told you can't have it. I guess it's, it's just nice knowing that you could someday do it if you changed your mind. But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed.
Lily: What about the one where you ski and shoot at the same time? That seems like something you'd be good at.

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Quote from Future Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, your Aunt Robin never became a pole-vaulter, but she did become a famous journalist, a successful businesswoman, a world traveler. She was even briefly a bullfighter. That's a funny story, I'll get to that one later. But there's one thing your Aunt Robin never was. She was never alone.

Quote from Robin

Future Robin: [v.o.] So, kids, I settled in for a Christmas alone. I appreciated that Ted wanted to cheer me up, but honestly, it wasn't necessary. So I can't have kids. Big deal. This way there's no one to hold me back in life, no one to keep me from traveling where I want to travel, no one getting in the way of my career. If you want to know the truth of it, I'm glad you guys aren't real.
Robin: Really glad.

Quote from Ted

[When Robin returns to the apartment, the light switch doesn't work.]
Robin: Damn it.
["Highway to Hell" by AC/DC plays. A Christmas tree in the apartment lights up in sequence. Other objects around the room light up.]
Ted: Yes, it is. Look, you don't want to tell me what's wrong, fine. I don't need to know. But you can never stop me
from trying to cheer you up. It's a fact of life. You're just gonna have to deal with it.
Robin: Ted.
Ted: Hold on, hold on, this is the best part.

Quote from Robin

Future Robin: [v.o.] Kids, have I ever told you the story of how I met your father? Well, I'll just skip ahead to the moment I told him I was pregnant.
[flashback to Barney and Robin in the bathroom at Marshall and Lily's Long Island house:]
Barney: W... What happened? Did I pass out? Not exactly.
[a few seconds earlier:]
Robin: I'm pregnant.
Barney: Are you sure you're not just getting fat?
[Robin punches Barney; later:]
Barney: Oh, yeah. So, um, you're pregnant.
Robin: Yeah.
Barney: Huh. Looks like nobody told your boobs.
[Robin punches Barney again; later:]
Barney: What happened? Did I pass out?
Robin: Oh, my...
Barney: Please stop hitting me!

Quote from Robin

Barney: Are you sure you're...
Robin: Well, no, not positive. I'm a week late. But I'm never late; it's a point of pride with me. I'm going to go see the doctor on Monday to find out for sure. Until then, not a word of this to anyone.
Barney: Not even Kevin? I mean, it's probably his. I've spent years training my boys to swim the other way.
Robin: Kevin and I haven't had sex yet. If I'm pregnant, you're the dad.
Barney: That's... wonderful!
Robin: Huh?
Barney: I'm gonna be a daddy!
[Robin passes out]

Quote from Robin

Robin: Barney, why are you so happy about this?
Barney: Because this is perfect. I want to be a dad.
Robin: This is not good news. I have a boyfriend.
Barney: Yeah, but if Kevin weren't around...
Robin: It doesn't matter! I don't want kids. I've never wanted kids, and never, in a million years, will I ever want kids.
Future Robin: Sorry, kids.
Robin: I can't have a baby.

Quote from Robin

Future Robin: [v.o.] The next day, we went to the doctor.
Dr. Sonya: Well, Mrs. Scherbatsky, I'm sure that you and your husband...
Robin: Uh, he's not my husband.
Dr. Sonya: Oh, I'm so sorry. Your boyfriend then.
Robin: He's not my boyfriend.
Dr. Sonya: Oh, bozhe. All right, well, I will just cut to the chase.
Barney: Wait! Wait. All right. Okay.
Dr. Sonya: All right, we're ready. Good. You are not pregnant.
Barney: Yeah!
Robin: Oh, yeah!
Barney: That's what I'm talking about!
[Barney plays upbeat music. He, Robin and Dr. Sonya start dancing]
Future Robin: Again, sorry kids.

Quote from Robin

Dr. Sonya: Robin, we ran some tests last week. This is going to be difficult to hear.
Future Robin: [v.o.] And then the doctor said a bunch of medical stuff that... Well, the gist of it was this.
Robin: I can't have a baby?

Quote from Robin

Dr. Sonya: No. You can't have a baby.
Robin: Uh, great. Uh, well, I mean, um, not-not great. I mean, I've never wanted kids, so if it has to happen to someone...
Dr. Sonya: Robin, is there anyone you can talk to about this? Perhaps a close friend?
Future Robin: [v.o.] I knew I could have talked to my friends. But, it's just, I already knew exactly how they would all react. Ted would go into overdrive trying to make me feel better.
Ted: You need comfort food. Fried chicken, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes. Open your present, I'll work on these shoulders. Okay, just breathe, relax, eat your chicken. Come on, eat, breathe, open it, breathe, open it, eat. Robin, why are you so tense?!

Quote from Robin

Future Robin: Lily would just implode.
Lily: [sobbing] And here I've been going on and on about babies. Oh, I am such a bad friend!
Future Robin: And I'd wind up comforting her.
Robin: It's okay.
Lily: You have to punch me in the face!
Future Robin: Marshall would ask me a ton of questions I don't know the answers to.
Marshall: Have you thought about adoption?
Robin: Um, well...
Marshall: Does this kind of thing run in your family?
Robin: Uh...
Marshall: What was the date, duration and consistency of your last period?
Future Robin: And your father would bend over backwards trying to make me laugh.
Barney: A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. No, a barbershop. No, a post office. No, it's two priests. No, it's two ducks. No, a priest holding a duck. And he's Polish. The priest, not the duck. Actually, the duck could be Polish, too. Doesn't matter. Yes it does. The duck's not Polish.
Future Robin: And when that didn't work, he would actually bend over backwards.
Barney: Pratfall! Ow!

Quote from Robin

Future Robin: The bottom line is, I didn't feel like talking about it. So when Ted asked...
Ted: Hey, Robin, you okay? You look upset.
Future Robin: I just came up with the first lie that popped into my head.
Robin: Yeah. Uh... I just found out I can never... be a pole-vaulter for the Canadian Olympic team. I'm too tall or something.
Lily: Robin, I'm sorry.
Barney: I'm so sorry, Robin.
Ted: I had no idea. That's terrible. Can we get some fried chicken over here, stat!
Lily: I am such a bad friend!
Barney: Three slutty nuns show up at St. Peter's- Wait, wait, they're not slutty. Well, they are, but you're not supposed to know that yet. Um...

Quote from Robin

Robin: An airplane ticket to Cleveland?
Ted: I know it's not Canada, but it starts with a "C" and it's cold as balls, so get packed. You're coming home with me for Christmas.
Robin: Yeah, nice try, dude. I wouldn't go to Cleveland for $125 million paid over six years.
Ted: Still? Still with the LeBron jokes? Where's that ring, huh? Where's that ring he's supposed to have by now?


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