‘Return of the Shirt’
Season 1, Episode 4 - Aired October 10, 2005
When Ted finds a shirt he hasn't worn in years, it makes him reconsider some of his past relationships. Meanwhile, Barney dares Robin to say an embarrassing word on the news.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Booger.
Ted: Yes, hello, Barney.
Robin: Barney's offering me fifty bucks to say some stupid word on a live news report.
Barney: Not some stupid word, "booger".
Robin: But I'm not doing it, I am a journalist.
Barney: What? Journalist? You do the little fluff pieces at the end of the news. Old people, babies, monkeys... That's not journalism, that's just things in a diaper.
Quote from Robin
Robin: [on TV] So, next time you're passing City Hall, make sure and stop by New York's oldest hot dog cart. Today a delicious hot dog will cost you $2.50, but back when the stand first opened in 1955, you could get one for only a nipple. Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News One.
Quote from Barney
Robin: So I'm not going to jeopardize my promotion by saying "booger" for fifty bucks.
Barney: Of course not, because now you're saying "nipple" and it's a hundred! [whispers] Step into my web.
Quote from Barney
Ted: What if there's someone from my past, who I thought was wrong for me at the time, but in fact she, like my shirt, is actually a perfect fit?
Barney: Hold up, there are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.
Quote from Barney
Barney: You dumped a porn star? Friendship over! [gets up] Friendship over!
Quote from Robin
Robin: [on TV] An occasion that was supposed to be joyous suddenly turned tragic when Ethel and Sadie Marsolis, New York's oldest twins, suddenly passed away on this, the eve of their one hundredth birthday. I'm a dirty, dirty girl. [slaps behind] Ow. Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News One.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: "I'm not ready for a commitment."
Lily: Oh, that's such a cliché.
Marshall: It's not a cliché, it's a classic. It's the "Stairway to Heaven" of breakup lines.
Lily: Well, I think Natalie deserves better.
Marshall: Better. [scoffs] There's no better in breaking up. There's only less awful. A cliché's a cliché for a reason. It's comforting.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Six words. You... look... fat... in... those... jeans. You're free to go.
Lily: Ted, have you considered telling her the truth?
[Barney and Marshall laugh]
Barney: Seriously, honey, men are working, here.
Quote from Robin
Ted: I have to do the mature thing.
Robin: Want to talk mature? I just wrapped up a live newscast by honking my own boobs.
Barney: And great TV was had by all.
Quote from Robin
Henry: (on TV) But the most exciting moment, that would have to be this one, right now.
Robin: What?
Henry: Look at me, I'm on TV. I never thought I'd have my story told. Thank you, Miss Robin Scherbatsky. Thank you.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And right then, Aunt Robin realized how important her job truly was.
Robin: It's an honor to tell your story, Henry. You know, Metro News One may not be number one in viewership. But this reporter takes pride in... [trips and falls] Whoa! Oh! Oh, my God! I'm covered in horse crap! It's in my hair! Oh my, ow! Ow my knee.
[meanwhile:]
Marshall: You planned that?
Barney: No, Marshall. That was beyond my wildest dreams.