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29Quotes from ‘Purple Giraffe’

How I Met Your Mother: Purple Giraffe

102. Purple Giraffe

Aired September 26, 2005

Ted is determined to meet Robin again casually, so he throws a string of parties hoping she will attend. Meanwhile, Marshall tries desperately to write a paper, but is distracted by all the parties and a particularly amorous Lily.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Exactly! Ted, let's wrap. Statistic: at every New York party there's always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see... where I'm going... hu-with this?
Ted: Barney, I don't wanna say.
Barney: Argh! Scoping, beep, scoping, beep!
Lily: Man you're a dork.
Barney: Beep, beep, beep, beep. Target acquired! And now it's time we play a little game I like to call "Have You Met Ted?"
Ted: No, come on not this.
Barney: [taps woman] Hi! Have you met Ted?

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Quote from Lily

Future Ted: [v.o.] Now ever since Marshall put that ring on her finger, Lily had been, well, extra affectionate.
Marshall: Baby, no. I have a twenty-five paged paper on unconstitutional law due on Monday, I barely started,
Lily: Hey, I'm just sitting here. Wearing my ring. My beautiful ring. Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. Like my shirt. Kind of don't wanna wear my shirt anymore. Or my underwear. Oh, that's right. I'm not wearing any.
Marshall: [closes laptop] No underwear?
Lily: Not even slightly.
Ted: Guys! Boundaries!

Quote from Ted

Marshall: So, Gatsby, what are you gonna do when Robin shows up?
Ted: Okay, I got it all planned out.
[fantasy:]
Ted: [v.o.] She steps through the door, and where's Ted? Not eagerly waiting by the door. Nah, I'm across the room at my drafting table showing some foxy young thing all my cool architecture stuff. So Robin strolls over and I casually give her one of these, "Hey, what's up?" She says, "Hey, nice place" etcetera, etcetera. And then I say, "Well make yourself at home," and I casually return to my conversation. Then, an hour later, "Oh, you're still here?" I say like I don't really care, but it's a nice surprise. And then very casually, "Wanna see the roof?"
[fantasy ends:]
Lily and Marshall: The roof!
Ted: Get her up to the roof and the roof takes care of the rest.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Solid plan, my little friend.
Ted: We're the same height.
Barney: But may I suggest one little modification.
[Barney takes over the fantasy scene:]
Barney: [v.o.] That foxy young thing you were chatting up, take her up to the roof and have sex with her! Crazy monkey-style.
Ted: That's not the plan.
Barney: Should be the plan, I mean look at her. Ted, look at her. She's smokin'!
Fantasy Girl: Thank you.

Quote from Robin

Ted: [on the phone] Oh, Robin. Hey, yeah, guess you never showed up did you?
Robin: No, I got stuck at work, but they finally got that kid out of the crane machine.
Ted: Did he get to keep the purple giraffe?
Robin: Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. He was in there a long time and little kids have smaller bladders.

Quote from Barney

Barney: So, it's over between me and works-with-Carlos girl.
Ted: Oh, that was fast.
Barney: Yeah, I was trying to think what's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met?
[flashback:]
Barney: I think I'm in love with you.
Tatiana: What?
[back:]
Barney: Thanks, bro.

Quote from Robin

Robin: You know something, Ted?
Ted: What?
Robin: You are a catch. You're gonna make some girl very happy, and I am going to help you find her.
Ted: [laughs] Well, good luck. I mean maybe New York's just too big a town, you know? There's millions of people in this city. How in all this mess is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? I mean, where do you even begin?
Robin: [taps a woman] Hi, Have you met Ted?


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