Ted: Now, as you know, I'm a bit of a legend when it comes to packing.
Marshall & Lily: We know.
Ted: Tales are still told of the time I traveled all through Spain for two weeks with everything I needed efficiently packed into a hands-free belt satchel. The locals called me...
[title: "El Ganso con la Riñonera"]
Lily: Yeah, it's not a "hands-free belt satchel," Ted. It's a fanny pack.
Ted: It's not a fanny pack.
Marshall: In Spanish, El Ganso con la Riñonera means "Fanny Pack Dork."
Ted: No, it doesn't. It means "Packer of Great Skill and Merit."
Future Ted: [v.o.] I looked it up. It means "Fanny Pack Dork."

Marshall: But these handbags? Gonzo.
Lily: No way! These have sentimental meaning to me.
Marshall: Didn't you shop-lift these in your 20s?
Lily: Yes, and I get very nostalgic for that time. You get older, you have kids, you stop stealing, it's sad.

Future Ted: [v.o.] In 1994, Robin's dad took her to New York City for the first time...
[flashback:]
Robin: This is amazing! Thank you, sir!
Robin Sr.: Well, a little father-son bonding trip never hurt anyone.
Robin: I-I did almost die from malnutrition on that wolf hunt last year...
Robin Sr.: I had to almost kill you for you to learn how to kill.
Robin: [sighs happily] New York City's the best, eh?
Robin Sr.: I despise it. It's like Edmonton, minus the arts and culture. Come on, we'll miss our flight.
Robin: I'll catch up. [to herself] One day, I'm gonna move here, marry a sophisticated big-city man with a sick mullet - like all the way down to his shoulder pads, and at night, he'll let me brush it - and I'll dig up this locket so it can be my "something old" at our wedding.
Robin Sr.: R.J.!
Robin: Coming, sir! [whispers] I'll be back for you.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So while Robin searched for her something old, Lily and Marshall packed for their something new: Lily's year-long art consultant gig in Italy.
Lily: I still can't believe we have to say goodbye to this place...
Marshall: Oh. I know, baby. But look at it as an excuse to simplify our lives. You know, we can't bring everything to Italy, so we gotta throw out some junk. For example, look. My old Sasquatch binders that "I could never throw away because I was gonna be the guy who proved the existence of Bigfoot..." These are obviously coming to Italy.

Lily: Okay, Marshall, we don't have time to argue over what stays and what goes.
Marshall: Ooh, you know who we gotta bring in?
Lily: Okay, I agree he is good at this stuff, but he just gets so cocky.
Marshall: No, he doesn't.
[later, Lily opens the door to a sunglasses-wearing Ted:]
Ted: So I heard you guys have a bit of a... packing situation.
Marshall: I acknowledge now this was a mistake.
Ted: Look, I came here to chew bubblegum and pack boxes. And I'm all out of bubble gum... [gulps, chokes] Oh, my God.... Oh, my God. I swallowed it. Is that bad?
[later:]
Ted: Okay, thank you. Well, Dr. Goldsmith says I should be fine. I just have to look for it in my stool. So as I was saying, I heard you guys have a bit of a... packing situation.

Robin: Long story short, I promised my future self the locket would be my "something old" at my wedding. What?
Ted: No, I just like that there was ever a version of you who imagined having a "something old" at your wedding. Robin Scherbatsky, you're a girl.
Robin: Shut up. You're a girl.
Ted: That's been established. The new information here is that you're a girl. Wait... is that...?
Robin: Oh, my God, I found it.

Robin: Back then, I was-I was too embarrassed to tell you why I've done that, but we're closer now. [phone ringing] I feel like I don't have to hide my feminine side anymore just because you've always wanted a...
Robin Sr.: [answers phone] Son! It's Barney! Great! I'll be there in 15, B-dawg. Woof, woof! [laughs] That's our thing.
Robin: Uh... be where in 15?
Robin Sr.: Laser tag. Never been. B-dawg's gonna teach me.
Robin: Look, I-I think that it's great that you and Barney are...
Robin Sr.: B-dawg.
Robin: ...B-dawg are bonding, but, um... you agreed to help me with this.
Robin Sr.: Fine. Where did you bury this tampon?
Robin: It's a locket.
Robin Sr.: I'm sorry, I get all these girlie things confused. Do you need my help or not?
Robin: Nah, it's stupid.

Marshall: Lily, we just don't have room for these.
Lily: Oh, but you get to keep your Bigfoot binders? Wait, why is this one just December 1999?
Marshall: Oh. Y2K was coming. Lot of people took to the woods. Saw the truth.

Ted: And as a Packer of Great Skill and Merit, I will tell you how to pack with Tetris-like precision.
Lily: We get it, you pack a lot in your fanny.
Marshall: Obvious yet delightful. [Marshall and Lily high-five]

Ted: Okay. I got a big interview at 3:00 about possibly designing another building. Until then, if you abide by my rulings, I will tell you what goes to Italy and what goes in... The Triangle.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as you know, "The Bermuda Triangle" was the name we gave to the curb right outside our apartment, which possessed the magical ability to make any item disappear. Instantly.
Ted: The biggest rule for de-cluttering is, "Have you used it in the last year?" If not... Triangle. Have you used this jump rope in the last year?
Marshall: [scoffs] Are you kidding? I hop threads every morning, son!
Ted: Do three in a row and you can keep it.
Marshall: Well-played, Mosby.
Ted: Next! Have you used it in the last year?
Lily: Gee, I can't remember. [opens purse to reveal a note]
Ted: Are you trying to bribe me?
Lily: I don't know what you're talking about. [coughing] Take it.
Ted: Triangle! Next!