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25Quotes from ‘How Your Mother Met Me’

How I Met Your Mother: How Your Mother Met Me

916. How Your Mother Met Me

Aired January 27, 2014

On the 200th episodes of How I Met Your Mother, The Mother recounts the story of her life leading up to her meeting Ted.

Quote from The Mother

[flashback to March 2008:]
The Mother: Okay, here it is. I haven't played this since the popular girls locked me inside the case. Although it was roomier than when I played the violin. [gasps] What are you doing?
Mitch: I don't know. What am I doing?
The Mother: I don't know. What are you doing?
Mitch: This is my thing.
The Mother: It certainly is. Now please cover your thing up.
Mitch: Sorry. I meant this move, it's my thing. I call it "The Naked Man." A few weeks ago, I was on a date, and it worked. And then I was on another date and it worked again, so I figured it would work all the time.
The Mother: Well, now you know it doesn't work all the time.
Mitch: Yeah. Although two out of three.
The Mother: Is this what it's gonna be like being single in New York? Even the nice guys turn out to be total creeps?
Mitch: I have gotten pretty creepy since I moved here.
The Mother: I feel so lost right now. I don't even know what I'm doing with my life.
Mitch: Can I tell you an embarrassing story?
The Mother: Is it this one taking place right now?

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Quote from The Mother

[flashback to April 2012:]
Louis: MacLaren's. The last time I was here, I thought this place was called Puzzles.
The Mother: Huh. That's an odd name. Why would you call a bar Puzzles? Unless... that's the puzzle.

Quote from The Mother

The Mother: [playing ukulele and singing] Hold me close and hold me fast This magic spell you cast This is la vie en rose When you kiss me heaven sighs And though I close my eyes I see la vie en rose When you press me to your heart I'm in a world apart A world where roses bloom And when you speak, angels sing from above Everyday words seem to turn into love songs Give your heart and soul to me And life will always be La vie en rose
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I must have heard your mom's rendition of "La Vie en Rose" a million times over the years. Every night when she tucked you in, for instance. But that performance, that first night I ever heard her sing... that one will always be my favorite.

Quote from The Mother

Future Ted: [v.o.] The night Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall got engaged, the night I met Aunt Robin, was the night of your mom's 21st birthday.
Kelly: Happy birthday. Where's Max?
The Mother: He couldn't get a cab. Which is code for "waited until the last minute to get me a gift." Although he always nails it. Two years ago, he got me an exact replica of the Pee-wee's Big Adventure bike. And last year, he got me a one-man-band suit including knee cymbals.
Kelly: And these are things you want?
The Mother: No, these are things I need.

Quote from The Mother

Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's how your mom started dating Louis. And for a little while there, it was fine.
The Mother: [singing] One tasty English muffin Baby, that is what I am Ba-da, da-da-da, da-da One tasty English muffin With some raspberry jam
Louis: That's funny.
Future Ted: It just wasn't love. But then fate intervened.
[flashback:]
Ted: Anyway, you guys wouldn't, uh, happen to know of any wedding bands... available at the last minute, would you?
[flashback:]
The Mother: Hi. One ticket to Farhampton, please.
Future Ted: Now, Louis had a house in Farhampton, so he let your mother stay there. The day before the wedding, as she was taking cookies out of the oven she got an e-mail.
The Mother: What the damn hell?

Quote from The Mother

[flashback to March 2008:]
Kelly: Okay, this is ridiculous. You've been sitting around for two years. It's time to get back out there.
The Mother: I have not been sitting around. I've been hard at work. I think I'm about to enter my robots-doing-track-and-field-events period. It's a very exciting time.
Kelly: Sweetie, I love you, and I can't imagine what it was like going through what you went through, but these are your 20s. It's Saint Patrick's Day, the holiday of my people.
The Mother: You're not Irish.
Kelly: Binge drinkers. Now, let's go.
The Mother: No, please don't make me go out there. It's gonna rain.
Kelly: Bring your umbrella.

Quote from The Mother

[flashback to March 2008:]
The Mother: How is the bathroom line this long, and yet the floor is covered with urine? If there's urine out here,
what is going on in there?
Kelly: Screw this, we're holding it. Let's dance.
The Mother: No, thanks.
Kelly: This is what I'm talking about. The love of your life could be on that dance floor waiting for you to bump into him. If you're not there, he's gonna bump into someone else.
The Mother: Somehow I doubt it.
[meanwhile:]
Ted: Oh, I'm sorry.
Woman: Oh, that's okay.

Quote from The Mother

[flashback to March 2008:]
The Mother: Wait, is that? Mitch.
Mitch: No way.
The Mother: Hi.
Mitch: What are you doing in New York?
The Mother: I live here. This is my friend Kelly.
Mitch: What?
Kelly: Hi.
The Mother: Mitch was my instructor at orchestra camp.
Kelly: Orchestra camp?
The Mother: It's not as lame as it sounds. We also did physics.

Quote from The Mother

[flashback to March 2008:]
The Mother: What are you up to these days?
Mitch: Still teaching orchestra. I'm at this public school in the Bronx. It's totally underfunded. A lot of the kids can't afford instruments...
The Mother: Take my cello.
Mitch: What?
The Mother: Yeah. Oh, you gotta take it. I haven't played it in years. It's sitting in my closet. Give it to the kids.
Mitch: Are you sure?
The Mother: Do you wanna come and get it right now?
Mitch: Um, okay.

Quote from The Mother

[flashback to March 2008:]
Mitch: I felt lost for a long time too. I was living in my parents' basement, playing video games, mastur... ing those games. Until I finally woke up and realized I wanted to follow my dream of teaching music. Let me save you a few years. Even if it sounds completely crazy, what is it you wanna do with your life?
The Mother: I want to end poverty.
Mitch: Great. Then every decision you make from here on out should be in service of that.
The Mother: Oh. Thanks. You know, for a minute there, I totally forgot you were naked.
Mitch: In a way, aren't we all naked?
The Mother: Yeah, but your balls are on my couch.
Mitch: Hug?
The Mother: I will take a rain check.
Mitch: It's raining now.
The Mother: [gasps] Oh, my umbrella. [to Kelly] I will be right back. Long story.

Quote from The Mother

[flashback to Fall 2009:]
The Mother: When I got to the club, it had already closed. By the next day, some super-inconsiderate person had taken my umbrella. But by that point, I didn't care. I knew if I really wanted to end poverty, I had to get a degree in economics. So to answer your question, that's how I got here.
Cindy: I meant how did you get here from the subway station.
The Mother: Oh.
Cindy: I'm asking because I just moved to town. I don't even have a place to live yet.
The Mother: Yeah, you do. Come live with me. My roommate just moved out.
Cindy: Are you sure? You just met me. I could be a serial killer.
The Mother: I like to believe in people. Plus, what are the chances that we're both serial killers? [laughs]

Quote from The Mother

[flashback to Fall 2009:]
Cindy: Just promise me there won't be naked men in the living room.
The Mother: Not a problem. I'm on permanent hiatus in the love department.
Cindy: Really? I find that hard to believe.
The Mother: I guess I'm old-fashioned. I believe that each of us only gets one. And I got mine already.
Cindy: Well, if you ask me, you know what comes after the one? The next one.
The Mother: Oh, yeah. Well, I don't really see that happening any time soon.
Ted: Hi. Is this Room 7?

Quote from Ted

[flashback to Fall 2009:]
Ted: And so if you must bring food to this class, please bring enough for everyone. I don't wanna see someone eating, say, lobster in the front row without sharing with the rest of us, because that would be "shellfish."
The Mother: [laughs] Come on, that was funny.
Ted: Anyway, this is Architecture 101.
The Mother: Architecture 101? I'm in the wrong class. I have to go.
[She runs across campus before checking her paper map:]
The Mother: Oh. Wait, I was in the right class.
Ted: First day as a professor, wrong classroom. Coming through.

Quote from The Mother

[flashback to January 2010:]
The Mother: Okay, this is crazy. Do you know where this umbrella came from? Because I could've sworn l... What's wrong? Are you okay?
Cindy: We broke up.
Ted: Ugh. Well, I never liked him, and I never thought he deserved you... and I am sorry. I didn't know you were dating someone. Who was this?
Cindy: He was the architecture professor, the one who taught Econ 305 by accident.
The Mother: Oh. That guy? Why did you break up?
Cindy: He's got a thing for you.
The Mother: What? What? He's... What? Um, how could he have a thing for me? He's never even met me.
Cindy: He didn't have to. Everything he saw of yours, he went crazy for.
The Mother: You should have brought him to my room. He would've run screaming once he saw my calligraphy set, my coin collection, my chain-mail corset from the Renaissance fair. Well, that's pretty cool.

Quote from The Mother

[flashback:]
The Mother: So we got dinner.
Kelly: And?
The Mother: He's nice.
Kelly: Nice? He sounds amazing. Handsome, good dresser, paid for dinner. What more do you want? Do you know how rough it is out there? I once met a guy claiming to be a genie whose penis grants wishes.
The Mother: Oh, my God. Who would even fall for that?
Kelly: The point is, Louis sounds great.

Quote from The Mother

[flashback:]
The Mother: "Bass player wanted." That is what the ad said. Can you believe that? After I'm the one who invited Darren into the band. What am I gonna do?
Lily: You need to steal this douche-monkey's van and then run my husband over with it.
The Mother: While that's very tempting, I've never really been the type of person to...
Lily: "Must be hotter than the girl we have now, who in my opinion is a 6 at best."
The Mother: [smashes glass]

Quote from The Mother

The Mother: Louis.
Louis: Will you marry me?
[later:]
The Mother: Can you give me a minute?
Louis: Um... Okay.
The Mother: There's someone that I need to talk to. I'll be right back.
[She goes out onto the porch and holds onto a wooden beam, looking up at the sky:]
The Mother: Hi, Max. It's me. Sorry to interrupt. I know you're probably up there playing baseball with your dad. Um... Look, I've got a situation here. I think that I have been holding myself back from falling in love again. And I think it's because I can't let you go. But you're not here anymore... so I have to ask this. Would it be okay if I moved on? I realize that you have no way of answering that, but... [gust of wind blows] Okay. I will take that as a yes. In that case, I should get back in there. I guess this is it. For real this time. Bye, Max.
[inside:]
Louis: So?
The Mother: My answer is... ...no.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Barney, I was just out there on the patio. And there's someone in the room next to us. I didn't see her, but she was playing the ukulele. Barney?


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