Barney: Training for a marathon. [scoffs]
Marshall: What?
Barney: You don't need to train for a marathon. You just run it.
Lily: You're kidding, right?
Barney: Not at all. I could run a marathon anytime I wanted to.
Marshall: So like tomorrow, you think you could wake up, roll out of bed, and just run the New York City Marathon?
Barney: Absolutely.
Robin: Barney, we're talking about 42 kilometers.
Ted: Thanks, Canada. I'll take it from here. Barney, it's like 26 miles.
Barney: Here's how you run a marathon. Step one, you start running. There is no step two.

Marshall: Okay, you know what? Prove it. Take my number and run in my place. I will bet you 50 bucks you don't even finish the race.
Barney: 50 bucks? Gee, Grandpa, if I win, maybe I can buy myself an ice-cream cone. Make it $10,000.
Marshall: You have a gambling problem, you'll bet me $50.
Barney: Fine, then no bet. Okay, $50.

Robin: Wow. Look at his time. It's pretty impressive.
Marshall: He's gotta be cheating, okay. He knew we'd check.
Ted: Yeah, he'll do anything to win a bet. Remember that time he bet me that Men at Work sang "Hungry Like the Wolf," and when he found out that they didn't, he tried to hire them to?

Barney: So where's my 50 bucks?
Marshall: All right. I got to admit, you earned this.
Barney: Huh? Can't believe they haven't made a coin for this yet. Anyway, I'm heading home. Might go hit the gym.
Marshall: Oh, hey, just so you know, uh, all marathon runners get to use the subway for free today.
Barney: Wow. You know I really should check out this "subway." Heard so much about it. Wow. Look at me. Slumming it. Maybe I'll make a weekend out of it and I'll call my bridge and tunnel girl tonight.
Ted: You're dating a girl from New Jersey?
Barney: No.

Ted: [v.o.] So Barney did it. He actually finished the marathon. But a little while later... I got an interesting phone call.
Ted: [answers phone] Hello?
Barney: Ted, it's Barney. Listen to me, I need you to come and pick me up on the subway.
Ted: What, what are you talking about?
Barney: I was sitting here, totally minding my own business.
[flashback to two hours earlier as Barney sits on the subway and looks over to two girls:]
Barney: Finisher. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Conductor: [v.o.] 86th street.
[Barney tries to stand up but falls to the ground]
[present:]
Barney: My legs don't work. I've already ridden the subway twice end to end. I've seen where it turns around. Ted, you don't ever want to see where the subway turns around.

Lily: You don't understand. This is an amazing sale. I've heard about it before, but I never knew where it was. We'll have a wedding dress camp out. It'll be fun.
Barney: I can't go. I've got this thing.
Lily: What thing?
Barney: A penis.

Robin: Okay, so we agree? This goes back to Lily wanting to camp out for a wedding dress?
Ted: No. Wait. It goes back further. Remember why we were eating hot dogs on the East Side?
[flashback to Ted riding the subway:]
Ted: 1939?! This penny's from 1939!
[cut to Ted and Robin at MacLaren's:]
Ted: A 67-year-old penny. Do you realize this penny was minted during World War II?
Robin: Oh, so was my grandfather, but that doesn't make him interesting.
Ted: Look, I know a little something about coins, and this baby is worth something to a collector.
Robin: No, it's not.
Ted: Yes, it is! You know what? I'm gonna take you out to dinner with the money I get for this little guy.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's exactly what I did.
[cut to Ted and Robin eating while walking down the street:]
Robin: You're lucky there's still a place that serves anything for a dollar fifty.
Ted: Hey, that's 150 times its original value. Actually, the meal was only $1.49. [looks at penny] 1984.
Robin: Hey, in 50 years, we can get dinner again.

Ted: It was me. I started this. If I hadn't picked up that penny, we wouldn't have gone to get hot dogs all the way across town.
Robin: And we wouldn't have seen that wedding dress store, Lily wouldn't have wanted to camp out there, and I wouldn't have needed a nap at your apartment the next day.
Ted: Marshall wouldn't have broken his toe. Barney wouldn't have run the marathon. I wouldn't have jumped that turnstile, gotten arrested, had that court date...
Robin: And we would have made our flight. I don't think we can go back any further than that unless you know who dropped the penny.
Ted: I wish I did. Though that person's already been punished enough, losing a sweet penny like that.

Ted: I can't believe this. That's it, it's over.
Robin: Ted, come on. Your destiny just wasn't to make it to Chicago today. Anyway, if that firm really wants you, they'll reschedule.
Future Ted: [v.o.] But that's not what happened. They didn't reschedule. They hired someone else. And as it turned out, three months later, that guy ended up having to relocate to Chicago. Kids, funny thing about destiny, I thought I was destined to get that job. But I was wrong. My destiny was to stay in New York. Because if I hadn't, I never would have met your mother.

Robin: Oh, Marshall, how's the broken toe?
Marshall: Oh, man, it kills.
Lily: You want some aspirin, baby?
Marshall: You know I don't believe in pain killers. [downs a shot]
Ted: Wow, your first broken bone. Kind of kills your whole "Unbreakable" theory.
Lily: Marshall used to think he was indestructible.
Marshall: Well, it added up. I've never broken anything. I've never been sick, and when I need to, I can summon incredible strength. Ted, tell her the story of the really heavy door.
Ted: There was a really heavy door. He opened it.
Marshall: On one pull.