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34Quotes from ‘The Broken Code’

How I Met Your Mother: The Broken Code

904. The Broken Code

Aired October 7, 2013

Barney accuses Ted of breaking The Bro Code for comforting Robin at the carousel, leading Marshall to Skype in as an impartial ar-bro-trator. Meanwhile, Lily tries to help Robin make more female friends.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: [over video chat] To resolve this, I really need to parse the text of the Bro Code.
Ted: Too bad Marshall doesn't have a copy.
Marshall: Actually, I do. They were in the seat-back pockets of my flight in place of the safety cards.
Barney: I'm also pleased to announce the Bro Code is now available in select airlines across the country. And Lufthansa. Der Bro Code is, like, huge in Germany.

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Quote from Barney

Ted: So you are mad about me and Robin holding hands.
Barney: Of course I'm mad, Ted. Holding hands is like the fourth grade equivalent of banging. Well, in your case, 12th grade. Self-five. You broke the Bro Code.
Ted: No, I did not. I only went to help Robin as a friend because you didn't show up. I did not break the Bro Code.
Barney: It's in the text: "A bro shall not have a weird moment with another bro's fiancee."
Ted: Well, too bad we're in Farhampton and can't actually check.
Barney: I'm pleased to announce the Bro Code has replaced the Gideons' Bible at select hotels throughout the country.

Quote from Barney

Barney: It's in here somewhere. It has to be. Damn it. I should've done these in alpha-bro-tical order.
Ted: Who cares about the Bro Code? It's just some stupid book you made up.
Barney: [gasps] How dare you? The Bro Code has been around for centuries. Nay... whatever's more than centuries.
Ted: Please don't launch into a fake history lesson.
Barney: The Bro Code can trace its lineage all the way back to Broses himself.
[historical fantasy:]
Broses: Article 1: Bros before ho's.
[present:]
Ted: Okay, I see what you're doing. You can't prove I broke the Code, so you're making up stories.
Barney: This sacred text was eventually brought to the New World in 1776 by none other than Christopher Brolumbus.
[historical fantasy:]
Christopher Brolumbus: Article 62: A bro who calls dibs first has dibs. Oh? Dibs.
[present:]
Barney: And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas.
Ted: Pocahontas was with John Smith.
Barney: Maybe according to the hotel register. Whatever Mrs. Brolumbus didn't know couldn't hurt her, right? Except maybe that New World syphilis, but I digress.

Quote from Lily

Robin: Who's that for?
Lily: Marshpillow.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as you may recall, whenever Marshall left town for a few days, Lily would compensate with a body pillow she dressed up and named Marshpillow. Pretty normal stuff. But with Marshall stuck driving across the country, Lily decided to upgrade.
Lily: Meet Marshpillow 2.0. Yay.
Marshall: [through iPad on Marshpillow 2.0] Am I on?

Quote from Robin

Lily: I'm sorry I said you hate women.
Robin: Don't be. For whatever reason, I just... I can't seem to connect with them. Down!
Patrice: Can you help me? I've got a bunch more wedding gifts in the van. Yay, I love Robin so much.
Robin: God, I'm gonna strangle that bitch.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Barney, if you believe in the Bro Code, how come you've broken it so many times?
Barney: [gasps] How dare you? I have never broken the Bro Code.
Ted: Hmm, hmm, ah! "Article 104: The mom of a bro is always off-limits."
Barney: Okay, look. We've all had a lot of fun joking about me banging your mom.
Ted: Not all of us. Continue.
Barney: But I swear nothing ever happened between the two of us. Trust me.
Ted: Then what's going on with your fingers?
Barney: That's how our bodies were intertwined.

Quote from Robin

Lily: Okay, so prove to me you can make a female friend. What about her?
Robin: Ugh. The girl with the bangs? Any chick who does that to her hair is going through a big life transition I don't wanna hear about. Next time grow your bangs long enough to cover your mouth. Pass.
Lily: Okay, well, what about her?
Robin: Ugh. Comfortable shoes? Ha, ha. What, are you filibustering later? It's after 5, put on some heels. Pass.
Lily: Okay, well, what about...?
Robin: Ugh.
Lily: I haven't even pointed to anyone yet.

Quote from Robin

Robin: I don't know what to say.
Lily: Just be yourself. Say something nice.
Robin: Which one? I can't do both.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: Not weird at all.
Barney: Marshall, why are we doing this? Two dudes on a beach with a lifeless blob they're pretending is alive? It's stupid.
Marshall: [over video chat] So I guess that means Weekend at Bernie's is stupid too.
Barney: [gasps]
Marshall: E-lawyered.

Quote from Robin

Robin: There, there. Sister. Who needs a lady hug?
Amanda: Ugh. What the hell are you doing?
Robin: Wait, did you just ugh my hug?
Amanda: I don't need a hug. I'm pissed off because the Rangers just lost to the Boston Bruins.
Both: I hate the Boston Bruins.

Quote from Lily

Future Ted: [v.o.] As she watched Robin make a new friend, Lily was happy. For two seconds.
[fantasy scene of Robin watching sports with Amanda:]
Amanda: Oh, no.
Robin: Come on, ref. I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished since my last trip to Vegas.
Amanda: And I was on that trip, because we're best friends now.
Robin: Hey, this might sound a little nutty. But how about we inject a sexual edge into our abiding friendship that...
Both: In no way jeopardizes our emotional connection or respective marriages?
[present:]
Lily: Hell, no.
Robin: Excuse me. I've got a Boston brewing, if you know what I mean. [both laughing]
Lily: [to Amanda] You listen and you listen good. If I see your face around Robin again, you'll be crying about a lot more than your precious New York Rodgers.
Amanda: Rangers?
Lily: I will cut you.
Robin: Forgot my purse. You know what? That's why I only need you. Because you're a psycho. My psycho.

Quote from Barney

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, it was two days before Barney and Robin's wedding and everything was going off
without a hitch.
Ted: Ah. I've been waiting for the perfect time for this. And that time, my friend, is...
Barney: I saw you and Robin at the carousel.
Future Ted: Okay, there was one slight hitch.
Barney: She called me to help her, and there you were, in the rain, holding hands with my fiancee. What up?
Ted: Nothing up. Everything down. All parts of me down. Look, you were busy, so I went to the park to help her look for this locket she buried years ago. She couldn't find it, she got upset, I held her hand. End of story.
Barney: Cool. I just wanted to air that out, you know, bro to bro. You're my best friend and my best man. Of course I trust you. Oh, come on, you don't have to cry about it.
Ted: [sobbing] It's not that. That was a $600 bottle of Scotch.
Barney: Oh, my God. [both sobbing]

Quote from Lily

Lily: I hope Marshall gets here for the rehearsal dinner. Thank you, Linus. He's somewhere in Wisconsin in a rental car.
Ted: Hertz?
Lily: I mean, it hurts a little, but I'm not gonna cry about it. Hey!
Ted: We've been doing that all afternoon.

Quote from Lily

Marshall: [over video chat] Hey, Ted, can you give me a gander of the environs? Wow, this place looks beauti... Barney: Wait for it.
Ted: He's frozen.
Lily: Same thing happened last night at the worst possible time. I had just gotten on all fours and taken off my pantie...
Robin: Now Lily's frozen.

Quote from Lily

Robin: Wow, Lily, looks like you really put some time into this, huh? Though I wonder if instead of dressing up your giant husband doll like Malibu Ken, you could have spent a minute or two, I don't know, planning the weak-ass bachelorette party you threw me.
[flashback to Lily and Robin in white bridal dresses alone in MacLaren's:]
Lily: It's possible I forgot to send out the Evite.
Patrice: Robin, happy bachelorette party.
Robin: You invited Patrice to my bachelorette party?
Lily: No.
[present:]
Robin: You know, it's funny, when I was planning Barney's bachelor party, I managed to wrangle his boyhood hero, Billy Zabka from The Karate Kid. But you scored Patrice.


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