Lily: All right, what do you think?
Barney: Horrible.
Lily: You're gonna make such a great dad.
Barney: You look so classy and nice. You're going to stick out like a sore thumb. Have you seen how the kids are dressing these days, with the Ashlee and the Lindsay and the Paris? They all dress like strippers. It's go ho or go home.

Lily: Look, I- I can't sign off on a band I've never even seen. We- We don't even know if they can play our song. They're... they're going to have to come over here and audition.
Marshall: Baby, The 88 don't audition. They're, like, the Wiggles of wedding bands.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And so, Aunt Lily had the plan to crash the prom.
Robin: I'll go with you.
Lily: Really?
Robin: Yeah. I never got to go to my prom. We always had field hockey nationals in the spring.
Barney: [coughs, speaks clearly] Lesbian.
Robin: The cough is supposed to cover the "lesbian."
Barney: No, I'm trying to start a thing where the cough is separate.

Lily: Do you think we look young enough to blend in at a high school?
Barney: Please, I'm ageless, Scherbatsky just needs a good night's sleep, and you've got "statutory" written all over your body.

Lily: Well, we have to get in. I have to see this band, 'cause we have to make a decision by Monday, 'cause I'm getting married in 71 days, and we still don't have...
Robin: Shh. Sweetie, just focus on one thing at a time, okay? Right now, you just have to dress like a whore and that's it.
Lily: All right.
Barney: That's the spirit. Now, ladies, slut up!

Robin: I never thought this would be a bad thing, but my wardrobe just isn't slutty enough.

Student: Hey, uh, you ladies want something to take the edge off?
Robin: Yeah, what the hell? It's prom. That tastes like cough syrup.
Student: Yeah, we couldn't get any alcohol. Um, our fake IDs say we're only 20. We didn't realize it till after we bought them.
Robin: Nerds who aren't good at math? Life's going to be rough, boys.

[flashback:]
Lily: I don't want to be tied down. I want to live in France and Spain and Italy and just soak up life and put it on a canvas, even if it means being a waitress in crappy cafés for five years, I don't care. I'm going to be a painter. And I can't do any of that with a, with a boyfriend shackled around my neck, you know? But anyway, I'm blabbering. Way to make new friends, Lily. I'm sorry. What was your name again?
Marshall: Marshall.
Lily: Nice to meet you, Marshall. Guess we're hall-mates.
Marshall: Yeah.
Lily: [presses play on CD player] It works.
Marshall: Violent Femmes. I love this song.
Lily: Me, too.

Lily: What?
Ted: Lily, you're being a wee bit intense about this band thing.
Lily: Intense? I have a wedding to plan in nine weeks for 200 people. Even if a dinosaur should poke its head out of my butt and consume this coffee table, I need you to roll with it, okay?
Ted: Wow.

Security Guard: I'm sorry, ma'am. You either need to be a student or the date of a student.
Lily: Wow. "Ma'am?" Check and mate.
Barney: It's cool. Time to activate plan B. Scherbatsky, how comfortable are you with a crossbow? Scherbatsky?
Robin: [to two students playing video games] Hey, guys. Do you want to take two hot girls to prom?
Student: We don't have that kind of money.
Robin: For free.
Student: Oh, hell yeah!
Robin: Great. I'm Robin, this is my friend Lily.
Lily: Hi. Shall we?
Student: Sure. I knew it would happen. This is the dream.