TV Quotes

Bud: Goodbye, Robin.
Robin: No. You know what? I'm glad you found oot. Because I'm proud to be Canadian. We may not have a fancy NFL team or Prince, but we invented Trivial Pursuit. You're welcome, Earth! Plus in Canada, you can go to an all-nude strip club and order alcohol. That's right. From Moose Jaw to the Bay of Fundy, you can suck down a 20-ounce pilsner while watching some coal miner's daughter strip down to her pelt. Jealous?! In Canada people don't care where you're from, as long as you're friendly and maybe loan them a smoke or hand over a donut. I'm proud to be from the Great White North... and I wish I was there right now. [starts to leave] And we're not afraid of the dark. I mean, we don't love it, but who does?

Lily: For all the years Heather's been visiting New York, Ted's never let Barney meet her.
Ted: And I never will. Every year when the Mosby family Christmas card shows up...
[flashback to Ted and Barney standing next to a Christmas tree in the apartment in 2005:]
Barney: [singing] Pulling down her pants Yanking off my own Underneath the mistletoe I'll make your sister moan Oh! Heather's hot, Heather's hot We'll go all the way...
[flashback to Christmas 2006:]
Barney: [singing] I wish I could see her naked I wish I could see her naked I wish I could see her naked And down on all fours.
[flashback to Christmas 2007:]
Barney: [singing] Ted has a little sister Gets hotter every day And if I ever meet her With her boobies I will play! Everybody! Sister, sister, sister! [off their looks] What? I can celebrate Hanukkah, too.

Robin: Hey, guys.
Ted: It's freezing out there. Where's your coat?
Robin: Ted, I'm Canadian. I don't need a coat. This kind of weather is nothing for me.
Marshall: Yeah, this is like a spring day back in Minnesota, if it weren't for all the taxis and the skyscrapers and non-white people.
Ted: There aren't any black people in Minnesota?
Marshall: Not if Prince is on tour.

Bud: If you want to impersonate a Canadian, just turn of the lights and get all scared!
Robin: What was that?
Marshall: Well, with Canada right across the border, we Minnesotans sometimes like to make jokes at your guys' expense and they're all sort of along the same theme.
Robin: That we're afraid of the dark?
Marshall: [laughs] Yeah. For example: Hey, everyone, how many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? "What? Oh, no, the lightbulb's out?! I'm scared!"
Robin: That is insane. Why do you think the Canadians are afraid of the dark?
Marshall: Well, where does any prejudice come from, Robin? A stereotype starts, and all of a sudden it spreads like wildfire. Like Asians can't drive, Scotsmen are cheap, Brazilians always put on way too much postage.

Marshall: I just don't think this is gonna work out, Robin. You can't be hanging out with people who belittle your beloved homeland, so I'll walk you out.
Robin: No. Wait, I have something to say. Hey, everybody. Let me tell you something about people from Canada.
Marshall: Robin, please don't make a scene.
Robin: Do you know why Canadians never get a birthday wish? Because they're too afraid to blow out the candles. [all laugh] Oh, God, I love it here. God.

[As Ted, his sister Heather, Marshall, Lily and Robin enter the apartment:]
Heather: Man, it is cold out there.
Barney: [turns around in a chair] Why, hello. I've been waiting for you.
Ted: Wait a second. That's not our chair. Did you bring that chair yourself?
Barney: I need one that swivels. Heather Mosby, Barney Stinson. [kisses her hand]

Future Ted: [v.o.] That year, the holidays were really making Aunt Robin miss Canada, so Marshall brought her
to the spot he went whenever he got homesick for Minnesota: The Walleye Saloon.
Marshall: Evening, everybody.
All: Marshall!
Marshall: Meet Robin.
All: Robin!
Marshall: Go back to drinking.
All: Drinking!

Robin: I love the guys here. They're real men. No hair products or manicures. All New York guys are like 10% girl.
Marshall: Well, come on. That seems a little unfair.
[meanwhile:]
Barney: I'll have the vichyssoise with just a soupcon of creme fraiche. Too much dairy and I tend to bloat.

Heather: Look, Ted, I am serious about a career in finance, but.. You just keep looking at me like I'm a four-year-old who says she wants to be an astronaut.
Ted: I just don't think you have any idea how tough it is to make it in New York.
Barney: Exactly. You need connections. If only Ted knew someone who worked at, say, Goliath National Bank,
then... wait. [looks at his business card] What? I work at Goliath National Bank. How 'bout that? [gives the card to Heather]

Ted: This is not a good idea. Heather and Barney alone in his office? And I certainly don't want to be on the hook for her lease.
Lily: She is growing up. You just can't see it yet.
Ted: We're talking about a girl who was busted for shoplifting eight months ago.
Lily: Ted, a lot of women go through a shoplifting phase. And sure, maybe to this day, they swipe the occasional smaller item because it turns them on in a weird way that they can't quite explain.