Robin: Chip and dip, Barney?
Barney: Sure.
Robin: A-ha! [camera clicks] Got it! A bad picture.
Barney: Is it, though?
Robin: No, wait. You were eating a chip! Where's the chip?
Barney: It is physically impossible for me to take a bad picture. I don't know why. Ask God. [kisses his fingers and raises them to the heavens]

Robin: Oh, whoopsie, hey, I dropped my phone. You mind picking it up for me?
Barney: Oh, sure.
Robin: Smile, you son-of-a-bitch! Got it!
Barney: Did you, though?
Robin: What? How do you do that? You weren't even standing up.
Barney: The camera loves me, Robin. More than loves me. The camera lusts after me. The camera wants to put on some nice lingerie, pop in an Al Green CD, dim the lights, and do all the work, while I just lie there with my eyes closed. [clicks tongue]

Robin: Wait a second, look at these pictures again. Barney has the same pose in each shot, and these are, like, years apart.
Barney: Ah, yes, about that. I never take a bad picture. Never have. Never will.
Robin: [scoffs] Okay, there has to be a bad picture of you.
Barney: Nope! Not one.
Robin: What about from elementary school? Everyone has bad pictures from school.
Barney: Not the Barnacle. I always look drop-dead, stone-cold amazing. Unlike Marshall, who just looks dead, stoned, and cold.

Amanda: Well, I should get back to that cake.
Lily: Okay, let me know if you need anything. All right, quick, let's do the group photo. Everybody gather around the fireplace.
Ted: Wait, hang on. I'll let Amanda know.
Lily: Oh, no, that's okay. She's busy in the kitchen. Let's not bother her. Come on.
Ted: Wait, hang on a second. You don't want Amanda in the photo, do you?
Lily: No, no. It's just, you know, auto focus, shutter speed, zoom.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, your Aunt Lily has always been one of those people who loves their birthday. Loves it.
[As Marshall and Lily sleep in bed, the alarm clock beeps as it turns 12:00 a.m.]
Lily: It's my birthday!
[Marshall kisses Lily and places a tiara on her head]
Future Ted: So it's a good thing she married Marshall.
[When the alarm clock beeps at 9:00, Lily is alone in bed]
Lily: It's still my birthday!
Future Ted: Because he loves planning birthdays.
Marshall: Feliz Cumpleanos, baby. The theme of today's birthday breakfast in bed is Spanish Interlude.
[A guitar player walks in. Marshall opens the curtains, to reveal a Spanish background]
Marshall: How on Earth did we end up in the lyrical rolling hills of Northern Spain?

Lily: Thank you, honey. I'm gonna get some great shots of our little group with this.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Now, kids, you've seen your Aunt Lily's photo albums: Leather bound, acid-free paper, adorable handwritten captions. And most importantly, the group shot. Cute photo, right, kids? But what you don't see is what happened 10 seconds before this picture was taken.
[flashback to 10 seconds before a Fourth of July picture was taken:]
Lily: Okay, I wanna get the perfect group shot. Marshall, sit between Robin and Barney.
Robin: What, why?
Lily: Oh, you know, light, color balance, aperture. You're just saying camera words. Wait. You don't want Barney and me to look like a couple in this picture, do you?
Lily: Of course I don't! You two aren't gonna last. I'm going for timeless here.
Barney: How dare you!
Robin: That is so rude!
Barney: It's true.
Robin: Totally true. We're running on fumes here. But still rude.

[flashback to Ted, Marshall and Karen on a plane to France:]
Ted: I am so excited you're here.
Karen: I'm so excited to go to Paris.
Marshall: I'm so excited to have sex again.
Lily: [v.o.] But just before the plane took off...
Karen: Wait, I wanna tell you something.
Ted: Really? 'Cause I think I wanna tell you the same thing.
Karen: Is your thing, " I had sex with my philosophy professor last night"? 'Cause that's my thing.
Lily: [v.o.] And thus began the longest seven-and-a-half hours of Marshall's life.
[later:]
Lily: [v.o.] When I picked them up at the airport...
Karen: Ted broke up with me. I need to sleep in your room this week. Marshall can bunk with Ted.
[present:]
Marshall: Two months! My balls were bleu! Bleu!

Lily: Yes, we're a family. So, why can't these events ever just be us? Like the time we celebrated Marshall passing the bar exam.
[flashback to the guys at a Teppanyaki restaurant:]
Ted: Hey, guys. This is the disgusting, smelly hippie I'm dating.
All: Hey.
[present:]
Ted: I did not say that.
Lily: Well, you might as well have.
[flashback:]
Ted: Hey, guys. This is Strawberry.
All: Hey.
Marshall: Um, should we order some more food?
Ted: Oh, no, Strawberry's not eating.
Strawberry: I'm a vegetarian.
Lily: Okay. Well, let's all raise a glass. For the last three years, Marshall has been working so hard, and I am so proud of you.
Strawberry: [throws red paint at the chef] Meat is murder! Meat is murder!
[present:]
Ted: Okay, I admit it. Strawberry was a mistake. But how could I have known that going in?
All: Her name was Strawberry!

Lily: All right, people, gather around. Let's make a memory.
Barney: Hey, Robin, what's in this dip that you made? Because it tastes like cilantro, and you know that cilantro makes me... [sneezes]
[camera clicks, Barney is caught mid-sneeze on the picture]
Robin: Yes!

Marshall: Baby, tonight is gonna be so much fun. Just the five of us, black-tie dinner, and Ted is picking up your favorite cognac pumpkin cheesecake from Edgar's.
Lily: Yay!
Marshall: Okay. I am off to run your super secret birthday errand.
Lily: Yay!
Marshall: And I'm taking this guy [Spanish guitar player] with me, because I don't like the way he's looking at you.
Lily: Yay.