TV Quotes

Chinese Man #2: Hey, it's Barney! Barney!
Barney: Hi.
Chinese Man #2: [speaking Mandarin] Suit up!
Barney: [speaks Mandarin]
Chinese Man #2: [speaking Mandarin] Legen... dary!
Barney: [laughs] See you.
Ted: What the hell was that?
Barney: A Chinese guy?

Future Ted: [v.o.] And things were back to normal... Almost.
Lily: You may not have much range, but at least I'm marrying a guy who knows how to make pancakes.
Marshall: Oh, um...
Lily: I mean, um... Well, I... I realize that we haven't really discussed whether us getting back together means us getting married, but... I still wanna. Do you still wanna?
Marshall: Really?
Lily: Of course, I love you.
Marshall: No, I mean, that's how you're gonna do it? "Do you still wanna?" That's like the lamest proposal ever. When I did it, I got down on my knees... I don't know, I'm just saying.

Lily: [getting down on one knee] Marshall Eriksen, will you ma-
Marshall: No, no, no, no, no, no.
Lily: What?
Marshall: You can't lead with that. You got to build up to that. You got to have, like, a little speech.
Lily: Do you remember your proposal to me? [she covers her eye with her hand]
Marshall: I had a speech prepared.

Lily: What do you want to hear?
Marshall: I don't know. I mean, you could tell me, like, about how good-looking and funny and smart I am and I've been working out lately. It might be nice for you to mention something about that.
Lily: Marshall, you are good-looking.
Marshall: Thank you.
Lily: Funny.
Marshall: Oh, thanks.
Lily: Smart.
Marshall: And a few tears wouldn't hurt.
Lily: Okay, would you freakin' marry me already?
Marshall: I'll marry you. Of course. But, um, until you see a ring on this finger, don't expect me to put out.
Lily: Yeah, right. [they kiss]

Future Ted: [v.o.] It was a moment of happiness, followed of course by a moment of total panic. See, when they called off their first wedding, Aunt Lily took off for San Francisco leaving Uncle Marshall with the unfortunate task of telling his entire family.
[flashback:]
Marshall: [on the phone] Yeah, so now she's gone and the wedding's off. What do you call someone who just takes off and leaves like that? What do you call that? I think that that's a little strong. I can't even believe you would use a word like that. Geez, Grandma.

Robin: [on TV] Coming up at 11:00: Are there piranhas in the East River? What you don't know... could eat you.

Barney: Ah, A.C., always in decline, never hitting bottom. It's good to be back, old friend.
Ted: You been here before?
Barney: Oh, uh, once or twice.
Chinese Man #1: Barney! [speaks Mandarin]
Barney: Ah, good to see you, too. [to Ted] Three times, maybe.

Lily: Hi. We're here to get married.
Woman: Congratulations. We offer a variety of packages to give you the special day you've always dreamed about.
Marshall: We don't want any of that. Just your basic quickie wedding will be fine.
Woman: Yeah. You know this isn't Vegas, right?
Robin: Well, sure. In Vegas, the casinos pump in oxygen. Here, it looks like everyone brought their own.

Ted: Wait, I don't understand, people get married in Atlantic City all the time.
Woman: Yes, they do, but they don't elope. They choose Atlantic City for its white sand beaches, world-class amenities, and exotic Riviera feel.
Lily: Have you been outside?
Ted: There is half an Orca whale rotting not 20 feet from the cabana.

Judge: Turn it off.
Lily: Okay. May we please get married today?
Judge: Now, normally I would say no to a request like that, but you two impress me. Just the fact that you've been together for ten years, standing by each other's side through thick and thin, never wavering. [off Marshall's look to Lily] What was that?
Lily: What was what?
Judge: That little look. What was that?
Marshall: A look of love.
Judge: You two have stood together through thick and thin, right?
Marshall: You know, what's thick? What's thin?
Lily: Yeah, I mean, all... yeah.
Marshall: I have.
Judge: All right, what was that look? What's going on?
Barney: They broke up over the summer. Lily totally ran off to San Francisco and these two just had sex in the closet. What? We're under oath.