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‘Mom and Dad’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

How I Met Your Mother: Mom and Dad

910. Mom and Dad

Aired November 18, 2013

When Barney's father, Jerry, arrives at the hotel, Barney puts a scheme in motion to get his parents back together. Meanwhile, Ted thinks somebody is sabotaging his work as best man.

Quote from Barney

Barney: What do we do?
James: You back down and let me get my mom and dad back together?
Barney: Um, how about you back down and let me get my mom and dad back together? I can already picture it.
[black-and-white musical fantasy scene:]
Loretta: [all singing] We're reunited and we're going so strong
Jerry: My wife died parasailing and I've moved on
Both: And now our Barney-boy will always be near
Barney: I'll come to live with you and it won't be weird
Loretta: Of course not, Wuv-Wuv!
All: Back together and forever we'll be
Loretta: Mom
Jerry: And Dad
Barney: And Barney makes three
Jerry: We love you, champ!
Robin: And I'll live here, too, since we're married and I'm totally cool with it!


Quote from James

James: That's completely insane. This is how it's gonna be.
[black-and-white musical fantasy scene:]
Loretta: [all singing] We're reunited and I'm feeling so glad
Sam: I'm so much sexier than Barney's dad [plays saxophone]
James: Back together, now our life's right on track
Barney: But she's banging my dad behind your dad's back
Jerry: When you're at work, I'm all over her rack
James: That's not true
Barney: Yes, it is
James: That's not funny
Barney: Mom, break the news
Loretta: Okay, we're screwin' like bunnies
Sam: I'll kick your ass
Jerry: I'd like to see you try
James: Well, my dad would win in a fight
Barney: No, my dad would win in a fight
James: No
Barney: Yeah

Quote from Barney

Jerry: [to police officers] She's been missing all day, and I found what appears to be a-a suicide note on my bed. But it doesn't really sound like her. "I'm going to kill my - wait for it - self."

Quote from Loretta

Barney: Oh, great. You guys escaped. Got rescued!
James: Are you okay?
Jerry: A bit shaken up.
James: Being trapped in an elevator is scary.
Jerry: No, Barney lowered in a TV showing some pretty graphic 1970s pornography.
Loretta: Still, a lot of familiar faces in there. Well, not just faces.

Quote from James

Barney: James, unless you have a minister, I don't want to hear it.
James: You mean, like this one?
Future Ted: [v.o.] A few years back, Barney's brother James finally met his long-lost father, Sam, who turned out to be a reverend.
Sam: I know pronounce your asses saved.

Quote from Barney

Future Ted: [v.o.] Reverend Gibbs wouldn't be the only VIP arrival that day.
Barney: Dad!
Jerry: Barney. Oh, I can't believe you're getting married. You've grown up so fast. Then again, I did miss about 30 years of your life. Did I mention we got you two things from your registry?

Quote from Marshall

Marshall & Daphne: [singing] Well, I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles Then falls down at your door.
Daphne: Ha! You're right. That crap grows on you.
Marshall: Again?
Daphne: Proclaim it!

Quote from Barney

Barney: Hey. So there I am, lying in the wet, filthy sand under the patio, just minding my own business, when my dad bumps into my mom, and he says - get this - he says to her, "Weather's improving, huh?" It's like, why don't you just do it already? Huh?
Robin: Barney, I know you've always dreamed of a reunited family, but Jerry's married.
Barney: So what? Marriage is just a meaningless piece of paper.
Robin: I'm a lucky gal.

Quote from Barney

Robin: Sweetie, this just isn't gonna happen. Now, please promise me you haven't already put some crazy scheme in motion.
Barney: [pause] I haven't put some crazy scheme in motion.
Robin: Why did you pause?
Barney: [pause] I didn't pause.
Robin: Why did you pause?!

Quote from Barney

[Jerry walks up to the stairs, where there's a sign which reads "The stairs are wet. No, broken. Yeah, the stairs are broken." Jerry then walks to the elevator, which Loretta is already in.]
Jerry: Oh, hey there.
Loretta: Hi. Barney texted me to meet him ASAP, but the stairs are wet.
Jerry: No, broken.
Loretta: Yeah, the stairs are broken.
Jerry: Yeah. I got the same text.
[The elevator comes so a sudden halt and the lights goes out]

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