Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Natural History’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

How I Met Your Mother: Natural History

608. Natural History

Aired November 8, 2010

When the gang attends a fundraiser at the Natural History Museum, Ted sees a whole other side to Zoey when she introduces him to her husband, The Captain. Meanwhile, Lily is shocked to learn that Marshall doesn't want to escape the corporate rat race, and Robin doesn't believe that Barney knocked down the blue whale exhibit when he was a kid.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Guys, guys, guys? Architecture fun fact: If you stand right here, and you whisper, a person all the way across the other end of the room hears it like you're standing right next to them. It's one of the most sophisticated pieces of acoustical design in the world. Watch. [whispering] Diarrhea. Right? Right?


Quote from Future Ted

Ted: I can't believe this. She singles me out by name. Calls me a "fat cat." Me and my "fat-cat friends." We're not fat cats.
Barney: Exactly. I say, Marshall, my good man, how's my bow tie?
Marshall: Impeccable, old bean. To industry!
Barney: Ah, bully!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Okay, that night we weren't the skinniest of felines.

Quote from Barney

Lily: Ooh! I love this exhibit. One time when I was a kid, this room was closed for cleaning, so I snuck under the rope.
All: Ooh.
Barney: Wow, that's pretty cool. When I was a kid, I knocked down the blue whale.
Marshall: Okay, the giant blue whale hanging from the ceiling?
Barney: I was six. My uncle Jerry brought me here for the day. He said, "Don't touch anything." To a kid. That's like someone telling us, "Don't look at that girl's perky and impossibly symmetrical knockers."
Robin: Not bad.
Barney: So, naturally, I snapped the rib off a triceratops, blahbity-blahbity-blue, I knocked down the whale. I'm surprised security didn't stop me on the way in.
Robin: Well, I'm sure they don't remember. I mean, it's been like 30 years since that completely made-up story didn't happen.
Barney: It happened. And these people don't forget. This is not the Natural Stuff That Happened No More Than Five Minutes Ago Museum.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Wieners. Wieners and gonads.

Quote from Ted

Lily: What would College You say if he heard what you were saying right now?
Marshall: Honestly? Probably something pretentious, and pseudo-intellectual, like...
Ted: [reverberating] Boogers.

Quote from Marshall

Lily: You've known about this for two and a half years? So every time you've talked about wanting to be an
environmental lawyer since then, that was a lie.
Marshall: Technically, I never lied. You asked me questions, and I responded with made-up words.
Lily: What?
[flashback to Lily and Marshall talking at MacLaren's:]
Lily: So, you'll probably quit GNB in a couple years, right?
Marshall: Affirmatootly.
Lily: And become an environmental lawyer?
Marshall: Yepskerdoodles.
Lily: Hey, by the way, do you like this scarf?
Marshall: Posititochadochmecochepopocha.
Marshall: Lawyered.
Lily: Okay, that's also a made-up word.

Quote from Barney

Curtis: Well, aren't you two clever. Well, guess what, this museum has seen every kind of prank you can think of. Mummies playing poker, penguins sticking out of volcanoes, dinosaurs from the Cretaceous period hanging out with dinosaurs from the Jurassic period. One time a kid knocked down the blue whale. You name it...
Robin: I'm sorry. Did you say someone knocked down the blue whale?
Curtis: Oh no, not just someone. A six-year-old. Oh, yeah, that story is legend... [phone beeps] Hold on. ...dary.

Quote from Barney

Curtis: July 23, 1981, incident report.
Robin: No.
Curtis: At approximately 1000 hours-
Robin: No.
Curtis: Vandal dislodged rib from triceratops skeleton-
Robin: No.
Curtis: And flung said rib at giant whale.
Robin: No.
Curtis: Causing said giant whale to fall in a downward trajectory.
Robin: No.
Curtis: And the vandal's name-
Robin: Who?
Curtis: Well, I'll be damned. Barney Stinson.
Robin: No! No!
Barney: Who's the master, Leroy?

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, one morning in 2010, I opened the newspaper only to discover an op-ed written by Zoey Pierson. You remember Zoey. In those four column inches, she railed against me and my company, GNB, for wanting to tear down a beautiful old building: The Arcadian. And as if that wasn't bad enough, the piece ran on a Saturday, which as you both know, is Dad's crossword day.
Ted: She ruined crossword day!

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] You see, every year the Natural History Museum holds its Autumn Spectacular. It's attended
by some of the most powerful and important people in New York. And, thanks to Goliath National Bank... us.
Marshall: Look at us, huh? In tuxedos? Can you imagine if our college selves saw us like this?
Ted: They'd pelt us with their Phish bootlegs.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode