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38Quotes from ‘Do I Know You?’

How I Met Your Mother: Do I Know You?

401. Do I Know You?

Aired September 22, 2008

As Ted and Stella wonder whether they know enough about each other now they're engaged, Ted introduces her to his favorite film series, Star Wars. Meanwhile, Barney tells Lily about his feelings for Robin.

Quote from Barney

Lily: Barney, I don't get it. You've called a million girls a million times.
Barney: Yeah, but those were just booty calls.
Barney: On a booty call, you rarely have to even talk.
[flashback to Barney at MacLaren's:]
Barney: [v.o.] Around 9:00 p.m., you say...
Barney: [on the phone] Hey, baby, it's Barney. You busy tonight? Sweet. See you in half an hour? Can't wait.
Barney: [v.o.] But the later it gets, the fewer words you need.
Barney: [on the phone] Barney. Busy? Sweet.
Barney: [v.o.] And by 3:00 in the morning...
[Barney texts a woman "?". She responds "!"]
Barney: Sweet.
[present:]
Lily: A question mark? You got laid off a question mark?

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Quote from Barney

Barney: I mean, for the last time, you can't... You can't be in love with Robin and still be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet. You have to choose right now.
Barney: I choose bimbos.
Lily: What?
Barney: Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos.
Lily: This is just a defense mechanism, because you're afraid of getting hurt. You're just confused.
Barney: Oh, I'm not confused. You know who is confused? Bimbos. They're easily confused. It's one of the thousand little things I love about them. I love their vacant, trusting stares, their sluggish, unencumbered minds, their unresolved daddy issues. I love them and they love me. Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin. Mostly thin. B- man don't do thick crust. What up?
Lily: See you, Barney.
[After Lily leaves the apartment, Barney turns on the TV and sees Robin on the news. Barney smiles and then turns it off.]

Quote from Marshall

Ted: First movie you ever saw.
Stella: Benji, 1981. I watched it recently with Lucy and I just thought, "Oh, that dog is so dead right now." What about you?
Ted: My dad took me to an old drive-in to see the original Star Wars.
Stella: You know, I've actually never seen Star Wars.
[cut to Marshall and Ted at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: She's never seen Star Wars?! Ted, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters, and that's 'cause they lived them. That's 'cause they lived the Star Wars.

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] Stella and I spent that summer happily engaged. Marshall was still coping with unemployment.
Marshall: [to Ted as he kisses Stella] What are you doing?
Future Ted: Lily threw herself into her painting.
Marshall: [to Lily as she paints] What are you doing?
Future Ted: Barney was rehabilitating from his bus accident.
Marshall: [to Barney as he practices walking again] What are you doing?
Future Ted: And well, Marshall just kept coping with unemployment.

Quote from Robin

Future Ted: [v.o.] And Robin continued to uphold the high journalistic standards of Metro News 1.
Robin: Is your favorite brand of dental floss poisoning your entire family? Tune in at 11:00 for the shocking... Tooth.

Quote from Barney

Lily: Barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around if you want to be Robin's boyfriend.
Barney: Whoa, whoa, whoa. "Boyfriend"? I don't want to be Robin's boyfriend.
Lily: Well, what do you want, then?
Barney: I don't know. I just want to be with her. All the time. I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine. I want to hold her hand and smell her hair. [scoffs] But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend.
Lily: Barney, what you just described is a relationship between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. And a pretty clingy one at that.

Quote from Lily

Barney: Look, Lily, are you going to help me out with this or not?
Lily: I'm a kindergarten teacher. I see a confused, little kid in the corner trying to eat the lefty scissors, I gotta help the poor little bastard. But only if you stop sleeping around. Deal?
Barney: Deal.

Quote from Robin

Robin: [on T.V.] Coming up next, is your local ice cream man actually driving a roving meth lab on wheels? Stay tuned for the full... [sighs] Scoop. Really?

Quote from Lily

Barney: It's no worse than your super-obvious code words.
[flashback to the gang at MacLaren's:]
Lily: Rhinoceros.
Marshall: We have to go.
[present:]
Lily: Great. Now we need a new code word.

Quote from Barney

Barney: So, Robin, tell me about your day, and not just what happened, how you felt about what happened.
Robin: What?
Barney: I'm not looking to problem-solve, I'm just looking to listen.
Robin: Why are you acting like this?
Barney: Like what?
Robin: You're being super nice. It's freaking me out. Be gross. Be inappropriate. Be Barney.
Barney: I'm being Barney, and I think tonight's going to be de... wait for it... lightful. Delightful.

Quote from Barney

Robin: Hey, um, so I went to the chiropractor yesterday. That guy bent me over the table and pounded me for a good hour.
Barney: Is insurance going to cover that? Sometimes they don't.
Robin: That's it? Well, today I was at the dentist. That guy drilled me all day long. He drilled me hard. He filled all of my cavities. Come on, man!
Barney: Well, your teeth look fantastic.
Robin: Who are you?

Quote from Ted

Stella: I loved it.
Ted: Yes! I am marrying a woman who is not only hot but loves Star Wars. That's the dream. [high-fives air]
Stella: What was that?
Ted: I was high-fiving 15-Year-Old Me through the space-time continuum. We did it. We did it, you masturbating little bastard. Champagne for everybody.

Quote from Barney

Barney: And that was it.
Lily: I'm so sorry, Barney. You can't give up. You know, it may take some time, but once Robin sees the new you...
April: Barney, um, when my family gets to Yankee Stadium, are the tickets under your name or mine?
Barney: My name, and tell your nephews to bring their mitts. They're going to be in foul ball country. [off Lily's expression] Come on. Well, the Robin stuff was completely true.
Lily: Damn it, Barney.


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